Family Bliss
by Enide Dear
Summary: It's not easy trying to raise three teenage Remnants, especially not if you are a morose gunman with a sentient cloak and a cig-addicted pilot with a temper problem. It's a good thing this family puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional.
1. Porridge

Title: Family bliss - Breakfast

Author: Enide Dear

Rating: Beware the porridge! It's evil!

Summary: Follow up on Prison I-V, Cid and Vincent has 'adopted' the Remnants.

**

Kadaj stared down at the table with a glum, thoughtful look.

"Let's see." He pondered. "As far as I know Loz hasn't broken any more china, Yazoo hasn't scared the cat again and I haven't stabbed a neighbour for almost a week. So what did we do this time?" He gave his equally morose brothers a suspicious glance. "You didn't crash the Tiny Bronco? Scratch the Highwind? Walk in on them having sex again?"

"No." Yazoo shook his head with a sigh.

"No!" Loz said defensively. "And that was just once, after that they started locking the door."

"Hmmm…."

"Shut up, all of ya." Cid glared at the three youngsters around the breakfast table, prodding warily at the bowls in front of them. "This ain't a punishment, it's porridge."

The three Remnants processed this slowly, until Loz gave up and asked:

"What's the difference?"

Cid, who had been dreading that question and desperately tried to come up with a good answer, sighed.

"The difference is that Vince got up early to make us all a healthy breakfast, and we are going to eat it and tell him how good it tastes so we can all see that shy, pretty, happy smile of his."

"Why?" Yazoo was usually not the most obnoxious of the brothers, but he did like his jam- and peanut butter sandwiches and didn't seem at all amused by this change, healthy or not. "Why should we care if he's happy?"

"Because we don't want another demon incident, now do we? Good boys," Cid grinned as the Remnants blanched and started to dig deep into the porridge. The captain steeled himself and took a spoon full. "Eat up yer porridge so ya'll get as big and strong as captain Highwind."

Loz frowned.

"But I'm already bigger and stronger…"

"Just eat it, Loz, it isn't that bad. If you hold your breath and swallow quickly." Yazoo followed his own advice and Cid sighed inwardly. Yazoo would be a real ordeal today, he just knew it.

"Well, I say yer should all jest throw it away, and ya'll just have ta deal with Vincent later, Gods damned fuck it." Loz muttered.

Cid nodded, approvingly.

"Ya got yer 'ya's and 'yer's mixed up, and the swearing needs some work, but it was a good try. 'Specially with the 'jest', ya know. It's all in the little details."

"Thank you, captain Highwind."


	2. Where do babies come from?

Title: Family Bliss - Where do babies come from?  
Author: Enide Dear  
Rating: cute  
Warning: Mentions of het sex. o_O accompanied by explanatory Highwind gestures. Reader's discretion is advised

Pairing: Valenwind, CloudxTifa also featuring the Remnants

Author's note: I don't intend to do anything at all with the Cloud-Tifa baby idea.  
**

It was the first time they'd met since the church-showdown and things weren't going well. Loz stared at Tifa. Tifa glared back. The awkward apologise had not helped, apparently. Clearing his throat, Loz said the first next thing that came into his mind, despite the many warnings he'd received over the years not to ever do so.

"Umm… since I last saw you, you sure have gotten fat."

Loud noise and pain followed quickly after.

"What the flying fuck did you tell her?!" Cid growled as he helped Yazoo and Kadaj pick up their slightly dizzy brother from the other side of what had only seconds ago been the back wall of 7:th Heaven.

"He said I was fat!" Tifa screamed. Cloud stepped up next to his wife and waved around his sword wildly, daring any of the brothers to try anything – not likely as one of the conditions on this attempt to peace offerings had been that the Remnants came unarmed. Still, it never hurt to be careful.

"Loz!" Cid scowled down on the Remnant trying to dislodge a pretty heavy piece of the wall that currently rested on his foot. Loz gave him his very best 'what did I do now?' look.

"So?" Yazoo grunted as he pulled Loz arm. "She is. She's got a huge belly!"

"True." Kadaj scowled threateningly at the married couple. "He wasn't even lying or anything. What did you have to do that for?"

"She's not fat!" Cloud's sword was so close it could have shaved Kadaj, had the Remnant had any use for such a thing. "She's pregnant!"

Three pairs of uncomprehending reptile eyes turned towards Cid who stepped between Cloud and his protégées.

"She's havin' a baby." He explained.

Three pairs of uncomprehending reptile eyes kept staring at him, without even blinking.

"What has that got to do with her getting fat?" Loz muttered, dusting splintered wood from his jacket.

"She's not fat!" Cloud howled.

"Wait, wait…"Cid waved his arms around as if he was trying to chase away flies. "You, um, you boys do know how babies are made, right?"

"Of course we do. Don't be ridiculous." Kadaj scoffed.

"In laboratories." Yazoo nodded.

"With test tubes." Loz added.

"And syringes."

"And doctors."

"And sparks of electricity."

"And a few cells from Mother, of course."

Cid pinched the bridge of his nose.

"…right. And, um, any other way?" He sighed as he saw the unwavering questioning gazes. "Look, there ain't that many laboratories in the world, I mean…I mean where do you think puppies and kittens and calves come from?"

"Are you saying she's a cow?" Yazoo seemed taken aback.

"Well, she kicks like a mule, that's for sure," Loz muttered, rubbing his bruised temple.

"Maybe he means she's a bitch," Kadaj said sweetly, blinking innocently at Tifa's darkening scowl.

"No, no! I….Vince! Help me out here!" Cid begged, but Vincent only shook his head, solemnly.

"Absolutely not, chief. I'm very eager to hear you explain about the 'test tubes' and 'syringes'. And playing doctor, none the less."

Cid muttered something under his breath, grabbed onto the Remnants and started pulling them away, to their loud protesting.

Cloud carefully lowered his sword.

"…did he just pull away three Sephiroth copies by their ears to explain about making babies?" He said a bit stunned. "What kind of man does that?"

Vincent almost smiled.

"Only Cid Highwind."

"Vincent?" Tifa said a bit worried. "You and Cid has been an item for what…"

"Six years, two months, fifteen days, six hours, nineteen minutes," came the prompt and slightly scary answer.

"…yes, and, he's been out of the closet…"

"Practically all his life, as far as I know. Cid isn't good at hiding things, even from himself. Why do you ask?"

Tifa pointed.

Cid and the Remnants had stopped a bit down the street and although Avalanche couldn't hear what was being said, they could see the gestures Cid used to explain to the three gawking youngsters. The expressive gestures. The very complicated and even from a distance terribly embarrassing gestures.

"What," Cloud asked stunned after something that seemed to involve a lot of elbows and possibly a knee, "was that?"

"I don't think I want to know," Tifa muttered. "Why is he wriggling his fingers like that? I mean, really? Vincent?"

She turned just in time to see Vincent grace Avalanche with a blush that was probably hot enough to use to fry eggs on.

"Oh. Maybe I just shouldn't ask." She sighed.

**

Next chapter: The problem with Yazoo


	3. The problem with Yazoo

Title: Family bliss – the problem with Yazoo

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, featuring the Remnants

Rating: cute, but LOTS of innuendoes

Muse: Fanfic Tropes - innuendoes

**

One would have thought, Vincent mused, that of the three Remnant brothers, Yazoo would be the one easiest to deal with. After all, Kadaj could still go from vicious and insane to heartbreakingly childish in less than ten minutes if he wanted, and Loz still had some problems with things being a lot more fragile than he expected, but Yazoo….Yazoo just seemed calm and easy going.

Not so.

Vincent knew that Cid had swallowed the entire wide-eyed, innocent act and he knew he should talk to his husband about it, but damn it, it was just so funny….

"Captain Highwind, may I ask you something?" Yazoo picked daintily at his food. The entire household was gathered for dinner.

"Yeah, sure thing, kid. What is it?"

"Well, you are a fighting man, right? You've been in real fights?" The Remnant plopped a cherry tomato into his mouth thoughtfully.

"Yeah?" Cid was still stuffing himself with potatoes – it was that or see them all vanish on Loz's plate.

"I was just wondering, if a military man like you, a soldier, could you give a man a lethal blow?" He said with those huge, sweet eyes. 

Kadaj made a small, strangled sound as he choked on his laughter. Loz snorted milk through his nose.

"Sneezed," he explained breathlessly as he grabbed for the napkin. 

Cid gave him an odd glance, but answered Yazoo's question unfazed, apparently missing the double meaning. 

"If I was forced to, I could. If it was absolutely necessary, like he was attacking me."

"If he was coming, really hard?" Vincent had to hand it to Yazoo, the Remnant didn't even blush. His brothers at the other hand were biting their lips.

"Yeah, if my life was in danger, yeah." Cid didn't seem to pick up the way the mood had suddenly turned very apprehensive.

"Do you imagine doing it face to face, or could you take a man from behind?" Yazoo was meticulously picking at a chicken bone.

At this point Kadaj had to excuse himself from the dinner and run into the bathroom. Demon-hearing revealed uncontrollable giggles coming from inside. Loz grabbed on to the table very hard and tried to breathe normally. Vincent felt his inner demons go into a sniggering fit that threatened to engulf him as well.

Cid shrugged.

"Either way I guess. But I'd prefer ta look him in the eye."

"But you could take a man from behind?"

"Yeah."

Loz did pointedly not look at Vincent, and Kadaj, who had just returned, had to excuse himself again. Vincent shook his head.

"What the hell is wrong here?" Cid scowled at the Remnants, all three of which were very red- faced from trying so hard not to laugh and clutching at the table. "Hey, if something is wrong with ya, just say so. It's my ass on the line, and I don't want a cock-up!"

Loz couldn't take it anymore; he burst out laughing so hard he accidentally slipped off the chair. Kadaj looked like he would explode from keeping calm and even Yazoo was shaking with pent up mirth. Vincent decided it was high time to intervene.

"Chief….didn't you noticed the innuendoes?"

"In –yer-endoes?"

That did it for Kadaj, he joined his brother on the floor as he fell over in helpless laughter whiles Vincent slowly explained to Cid, trying very hard not to join the Remnants in laughing till he cried. Cid's face got more and more red as he realised how he'd been played.

Finally he rose up and roared at the helplessly laughing Remnants:

"Yer're all nuts if ya think ya could jest slide in a very hard, long stretch of innuendo like that! Tryin' ta force in a messy statement that is jest hollow and slippery to grasp!"

And then Vincent couldn't take it either.

**

Next ch: Showers. Five males. One shower. Oh so much shampoo....


	4. Showers

Title: Family Bliss – Shower  
Author: Enide Dear  
Rating: cute  
Warning: Ummm….I assume they're naked in the shower, but you ain't going ta see that….so, none.

Pairing: Valenwind, CloudxTifa also featuring the Remnants

**

"Loz!" Cid banged on the bathroom door. "Get yer ass out of there! There are other people wantin' ta shower!"

"Just give me a minute!" Came the muffled answer behind the closed door.

Grumpy, Cid leaned against the door. Of all the problems he'd imagined when letting the Sephiroth-clones move in with him and Vincent, not being able to use his own bathroom in the morning had been Gods-damned low on the mental list, but it was rapidly rising to a second place, only outdone by the sheer amount of food that was devoured. One bathroom to serve five people really wasn't enough.

"A minute? Ya've been in there for forty-five already!" And before that it had been Yazoo, for at least as long. He banged on the door again. "The Hell are ya doin' anyway?"

"I can't get it up!"

Very quickly Cid moved away from the door.

"Tell me I didn't need ta know that," he muttered. That had *definitely* not been on the worry - list. "Well, ya know, it comes a day in a guy's life when, ya know, his ship doesn't wanna leave port as readily…or so I've heard."

The door was kicked open with a bit more force than necessary and a rather annoyed Loz stepped out.

"My *hair*," he explained, a bit red-cheeked. "I'm having a bad hair day, and I can't get it *up*!" He turned to show Cid how his usually perky duck-tail hung morosely at his neck.

"Oh. Hehe. Sorry. But now yer out of there…oh, no ya don't!" Kadaj had come sneaking around the corner as the bathroom door opened and now made a dash for it; Cid grabbed for him but the lithe Remnant flowed like quicksilver between his fingers. The door was closed and locked, accompanied by forceful swearing.

"Kadaj, ya little punk! It was my turn!" But his protests were most likely drowned by the running water. Again!

"What is going on here?" Vincent came walking along the corridor, drying his hair.

"The bathroom is occupied again!" Cid growled. "I'm startin' ta think maybe we should jest let the lot of them turn into Sephiroth – I'm pretty sure he at least wouldn't hog the shower!"

Vincent smiled as Loz rolled his eyes.

"Maybe not, but think of the shampoo costs."

"Oh, and yer the one ta talk about shampoo costs, are ya?" Cid grumbled as Vincent tried to sooth him. "How did ya get showered and ready anyway? I've been standin' here all morning!"

"Used the shower on the Highwind." Vincent shrugged. "Why don't you do that and save us all this morning yelling?"

"Hell, no! No one drives a Highwind away from his own damn bathroom!" Cid scratched his head thoughtfully. "I'll show ya…."

"Where did he go?" Loz asked as Cid hurried away, but Vincent could just shake his head.

About two minutes later there came a high pitched scream from inside the bathroom, the shower was quickly turned off and the door kicked open by a shivering cold, dripping wet Kadaj covered from the waist down in a towel. He did not look amused.

"It got cold!" he hissed. "What happened?"

"Cid, probably," Vincent smiled.

"I hate cold!"

"So does Cid."

"Done already, are ya?" A grinning Cid came walking down the corridor.

"You made it cold!" Kadaj pointed an accusing finger at him. "That isn't fair!"

"Yep, it is. From now on, there's only fifteen minutes of warm water for each of us. I suggest ya learn to shower quickly."

"Vincent!" the Remnants turned their begging wails to Vincent who gave his husband a dark look.

"Just fifteen minutes, chief? That's cutting it a bit short, isn't it?"

"Well, if ya didn't all have such long hair, it wouldn't be a problem." Cid said adamantly. "Why don't ya jest cut it…not, ya, Vince," he added hastily with a loving look at the dark silky tresses. But ya lot." He gestured at the Remnants.

Loz and Kadaj exchanged a look, and then burst out laughing.

"Sure, captain Highwind. *You* convince Yazoo of cutting his hair," Loz sniggered.

"Just let us know beforehand, alright?" Kadaj grinned. "Because we intend to be at least four miles away and accelerating when the screaming, kicking and biting starts."

"…maybe I should jest turn on the hot water again?"

"Maybe you should."

Cid sighed and turned to Vincent.

"So the Highwind shower….it's free now, right?"

Vincent patted him on the shoulder.

"It's not so bad, chief," he mumbled. "After all, it's a big shower. And we both need to shower in the morning, and the Highwind is empty of mako-induced hearing…."

Cid's sudden grin could have rivaled the sun.

**

Next ch: Staying Hidden. It's not easy trying to keep three fugitive Remnants hidden. It was only a matter of time before something gave them away…


	5. Staying Hidden

Family Bliss – Hidden  
Author: Enide Dear  
Rating: cute

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring the Remnants

Summary: Cid goes shopping to his suddenly extended household

Author's note: If anyone – anywhere – knows where I can buy that shampoo, I will be forever grateful…

It wasn't very easy, keeping three Remnants hidden away at Cid and Vincent's house outside Rocket Town. Shera was the one who found them out first.  
The former mechanic, now married store clerk, stared at the grocery list Cid had handed her. Apart from the huge amounts of food, a few things really stuck out.

- 5 litres of ShinRa Extra Silky Smooth Shampoo

- 3 family sized jars of Strife's Ultra Strong Hair Cement

- 1 big box of Dry-Tears Tissue

- Whatever detergent best removes blood stains

- Lots of band-aids. The biggest kind.

- Aspirin. As much as they got.

- Chocolate and raspberry flavoured ice cream (no other kind, or buy more band-aids)

She puzzled a bit over one word that seemed to have been violently erased, crossed out several times with a permanent marker and finally scorched and concluded that it was probably 'oatmeal'.

The last item she read three times before sputtering:

"10 *litres* of Leather Care Oil?! Cid, what the Hell does Vincent need 10 litres of the stuff for?!"

"Um…." Cid scratched his head, trying to think fast. "We…use it for lube?" he said, sheepishly.

"Cid!" She scowled at him.

"Keeping our bondage gear in good shape?"

"Cid Reginald Highwind!"

**

Next ch – Turk Trouble


	6. Turk Trouble

Family Bliss – Turk Trouble  
Author: Enide Dear  
Rating: cute

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring the Remnants, but no Remnantcest

Summary: "Highwind! There's a Remnant in your bathtub, yo!"

Author's note: There aren't enough days in the week for all the therapy I need…

**  
There were a yellow rubber duck in Loz bathtub. He glared at it, but it just bobbed around cheerfully amongst the suds, smiling idiotically. It was a 'present', from Yazoo, of course. Kadaj hadn't helped by sticking two pins in the ducks head, declaring that it would look more menacing with horns. It didn't look menacing to Loz. It looked like a yellow rubber duck with two pins stuck to its head. He sighed. Seriously, how childish did his brothers think he was, anyway?  
Ignoring the duck, he sunk deeper into the warm, soapy water with a little sigh of pleasure. Captain Highwind had gone into a fit over the long showers, but hadn't said anything about baths. Possibly because he and mr Valentine could stay in a bath for *hours*, and not come out until they were all wrinkly and smiling happily.

With his ears under the water, Loz never heard the commotion downstairs, nor Cid's yelling.

"No, wait!" Cid shouted.

"I just need to take a piss, yo! I'll be back in no time!" a cheerful voice called back.

Loz hadn't bothered to lock the door, since a number of unfortunate accidental walk-ins had taught all five members of the extended Valenwind household to knock before opening any door in the house. Even the closets. Especially the closets.  
The door swung open and Reno stepped in just as Loz turned to see what all the fuss was about.

It was impossible to say who got the most shocked, but Reno snapped out of it first. Loz was sitting in the water – Reno held the electrorod.

"Highwind, there's a Remnant in your bathtub, yo!" he screamed as he lounged towards the dripping wet Loz, aiming to electrocute.

Loz grabbed the bathroom mat and pulled; Reno fell backwards, the electrorod flying from his hand and out the corridor. Scrambling to his feet, Reno did the only sensible thing as the naked, pissed off Remnant grabbed for him; he turned tail and ran.

"No!" If the Turk got away, their cover would be blown; Loz grabbed for the first best thing he found and threw it.

The yellow rubber duck landed under Reno's foot and he slipped; swearing he fell over the stair rail.

**  
Rude probably should have been more surprised than he was when his partner suddenly came falling out of nowhere, but as the red-head managed to land across Vincent's arms, Rude only dipped his shades a bit and shook his head in exasperation at the pile of red and black limbs and hair.

"Hey, get the Hell off my husband!" Cid growled and grabbed Reno by the nape of his neck, tossing him aside. "Ow!" he added as a yellow rubber duck bounced of his head. "Why the Hell are there pins stuck in that duck?!"

"Captain! Stop him!" Dripping wet, but at least with a towel around his waist, Loz pointed at the Turks. The commotion had brought out his brothers, and now all three Remnants stood scowling at the Turks who could just stare back, slack-jawed.

"I got them," Yazoo said calmly, aiming Velvet Nightmare.

"Yazoo, no!" Cid dropped Vincent, who was just beginning to dazed get up, and threw. The yellow rubber duck hit Yazoo's fingers just as he was squeezing the trigger and the shot went slightly wrong, missing Reno's head with an inch and crashing right into the cupboard behind him. There came a rather depressing chiming of broken china from inside.

"Aw, fuck, not again!" Cid groaned at the sound of broken plates. "Yazoo, stop that! Kadaj, put away the sword! Loz, yer gonna fry yerself if ya even think about using Duel Hound now – yer dripping wet!" The captain turned, frowning at the Turks. "And what the hell is wrong with ya?"

"With us?! Highwind, that's the Remnants! ShinRa has been looking for them for months!" Reno was waving his retrieved rod, Rude stood ready with fists up. "We have to contact Tseng, and have him send reinforcements!"

"No! No, don't even try, Reno!" Vincent's claw came out and slashed the cell phone into pieces. "The situation is a lot more complicated than that."

"Not to mention, we'll kick your asses again if you try," Kadaj smiled, but looked worried. He knew that this situation was about as bad as it could get for the little scraps of happiness the Remnants had found here in Rocket Town. He contemplated killing the Turks, but that really wouldn't solve anything; ShinRa was bound to come looking for them. And anyway, Cid would probably be terribly upset by bloodstains on the carpet. Kadaj sighed a bit. Vincent took a few bloodstains a lot calmer.

Reno scowled at Cid.

"What is this," he whispered, "some kind of hostage situation? They got some leverage on you? We'll help…Ow! Damn it, stop throwing ducks at me!" He scowled up at the snickering Remnants.

"All of ya…calm down. This ain't a hostage situation, they're not blackmailing us or something, either." Cid rubbed his temples. "Look, can we jest…sit down and talk about this? I'll put tea on – no I won't, damn it, 'cause I go no teamugs left! My home insurance is going through the roof!"

"I'm sorry, captain." Yazoo blushed a bit.

"Well, ya better be! Now, all of ya come down – get some pants on first, Loz – and we'll try ta sort this out."

"This is insane." Reno stared from Vincent to Cid as they sat around the kitchen table, drinking tea out of beer mugs. The beaten up yellow rubber duck sat in the middle of the table, still smiling. It was probably a good thing that Kadaj had seen it lurking on his chair before he sat down. "Are you saying you've *adopted* them?! That makes less sense than the rumour about Cloud screwing chockoboes!"

"Why? Don't they deserve a second chance?" Vincent cocked his head.

"They tried to destroy the fucking world!" Reno's nerves were not helped by the ginning duck. The thing was starting to freak him out.

"Yeah, totally unlike ShinRa!" Kadaj snapped sarcastically.

"You tortured our boss and the rookie!" Reno got to his feet, Rude backing him up.

"*You* tortured our Mother for years!" Kadaj screamed back, all three Remnants getting up as well.

"You tried to turn into a madman!"

"That wasn't my fault! It was Mother!"

"Yeah, right, like I've never heard that one before!" Reno sneered and mimicked a childish voice. "'Oh, no, it wasn't me trying to commit genocide; it was the blue tentacle parasite in my head I call Mother who wanted me to turn into a fucking dead psychopath!'"

The Remnants hissed with wrath, but Rude gave his partner an odd glance.

"When the Hell did you ever hear that before?"

"I've been in this business longer than you have!" Reno yelled, his nerves in tatters.

"Alright, alright, jeeze…"

"ShinRa whip- dogs!" Kadaj screamed enraged.

"You little sons of bitches! Literally!" Reno retorted, pissed and angry.

"Oh, yeah? At least we know who our Mother was!"

"Yeah, a cut off head who only ever got it on with Hojo. You must be so fucking proud!"

"DIE Turk!" Kadaj howled.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, ALL OF YA!" Cid roared over the threatening fight.

Yazoo and Loz sat down so abruptly it was obvious the order had by-passed their conscious brains and gone straight to their knees. Kadaj shut his mouth so quickly he almost bit his tongue off.  
Reno was about to say something scalding sarcastic about it before he realised that he had bitten his own cheek when he slammed his mouth shut. He fumed, but yelped as Rude grabbed him by the lining of his trousers and pulled him back on the chair again.

"Sit down, partner. Being rude is my job." The tall Turk mumbled.

Cid glared at them all. Vincent sat down very carefully as his knees had gotten weak for completely different reasons than the rest of them.

"The thing is," Cid said with a threateningly finger pointed at the Turks, "that ya *owe* us, and yer not going ta do anythin' about this situation here, got it? Tell Tseng and Rufus, 'cause I guess ya have ta, but don't ya dare come and try ta take our boys away!"

"Owe you?!" Reno glared back. "What the Hell do we owe you?!"

"Yer lives, fer one thing. Midgard City. The world. Avalanche has fucking save yer asses more times than I can remember!"

Reno leaned back, sulking.

"Rufus ain't going to like it," he muttered.

"He doesn't have ta." Cid growled back. "He jest have ta keep out of this business, got it? Or next time he counts in Avalanche ta save his sorry ass again, he might just end up getting it whipped."

"And what's your promise in return?" Rude asked. "You'll keep those punks under control?"

"Hey, we're not some insane psychos' that might go loose and kill people!" Loz protested, but blushed as even his brothers gave him a questioning glance. "Well, maybe we are, but that's not the point."

"Right. The deal is, as long as they stay with us, they do as we tell 'em. Any…Jenova tendencies and they're out and we take no responsibilities for them."

"And we'll let ShinRa know if they go berserk," Vincent added. "They'll be all yours."

"If you are still alive to warn us." Reno pointed out.

"We're not going to hurt them!" Kadaj fumed. "But I make no such promises for you!"

"Fine, fine…jest…jest ya guys send someone by every now and them, check so everythin' is alright." Cid suggested.

"Are you sure about this, Highwind? And you, Valentine?" Reno shook his head. "'Cause I've seen some weird shit before, but your happy, gay, dysfunctional family kind of beats it all."

"Except Cloud and the chocoboes," Rude agreed.

"Hey, we put the 'functional' in dysfunctional," Cid grinned.

"We're quite committed," Vincent nodded and then leaned over the table with poorly concealed gleeful eagerness. "Now, what's this with Cloud and the chocoboes?"

Needless to say, the yellow rubber duck was never the same again.

**Next ch – The Date


	7. The Date

Title: Family Bliss – the Date

Author: Enide dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Remnants, KadajxReno

Rating: cute

Warnings: Unconventional uses of ice cream….

Summary: I scream! You scream! We all scream when Kadaj gets an ice cream….

Dedicated to: :iconphantom-chick: You love it partner, I know…. *grin*

**

"You are a noisy, obnoxious, paranoid, annoying, loud, irritating and provocative man, and I should just kick you on the balls." Vincent growled as he opened the door.

Reno was hanging on the doorbell, grinning.

"What? Is this the famous Valenwind hospitality? It sure have gone downhill since you lot used to invite in everyone for tea, but I guess you have been keeping some bad company since then, right?"

"There was a 'shut up' in that 'sit down and drink your God damned tea', if you remember?" Vincent said a acidly. "But I guess you won't be happy until you can report back to Rufus that we've been torn to pieces. I'm sorry to disappoint you." Vincent stepped aside and let the Turk saunter in, twirling his electro-rod.

"What? Ya again?" Cid sighed as he looked up from the dishes when Reno walked in. "We're not dead, and ya ate all the chocolate-chip cookies last week. Now, scram."

"C'mon Highwind, even with a chopper it takes fucking hours to get to this Gaia-forsaken place. You could at least let me have a cup of tea?" Reno sat down by the table, giving the captain and the gunman his biggest, wide-eyed grin. It didn't much help, but at least Cid grunted and nodded to the teapot.

"So, you seem to have lost some extra weight since last week," Reno slurped the tea. "Where are the little psychos?"

"Out, somewhere," Cid shrugged.

"What, you just let them run free like that?!" Reno spluttered.

"Yeah, ya'd be surprised how many people don't end up getting murdered around here. And anyway, they keep away the religious doorknockers, and those damned vacuum cleaner salesmen. Someone ought ta give 'em a medal."

"An ice cream would do fine." Kadaj had appeared in the doorway like a silent wraith, glaring at Reno. "I suddenly got a bad taste in my mouth as I walked in here."

"You can take one in the fridge." Vincent gestured, but raised an eyebrow in query as the Remnant pulled one out. "I didn't think you liked pear flavour."

"I don't. I was going to stuff it up the Turk's nose." Kadaj smiled sweetly and Reno frantically rose the cup as protection when the Remnant approached.

"Highwind!" the Turk protested, backing away.

"Kadaj, what have we said about ice creams and human orifices?" Cid asked without turning from the dishes.

Kadaj stopped, and pouted.

"Only the mouth."

"And…"

"And only if they want to. But I can't see what all the fuss is about, that ice cream did melt, eventually, and the vacuum cleaner salesman could walk afterwards. Slowly." He looked at the ice cream, and frowned. "And why else do they make these disgusting flavours?"

"You are one sick puppy," Reno shook his head and grinned. "Ever thought of joining the Turks?"

Kadaj snorted and waved the ice cream at the Turk. Vincent snatched it from him before it started dripping on the floor.

"I'm surprised you dared to come here all alone this time, *turkey*. What if we'd killed them and where just waiting for you to show?"

"You are not stupid enough to wait around for ShinRa to find you if I don't report in on time," Reno shrugged. "And anyway, what makes you think I came alone? What if my partner is waiting by the chopper? "

"We-ell," Kadaj drawled, looking very pleased with himself, "maybe he was, but I'm sure my brothers have found something more interesting for him to do by now."

"Yeah, sure," Reno snorted, unimpressed, "your brothers couldn't find their own asses if the used both hands and a road map."

"Oh yeah?" Kadaj bristled and took up something from a pocket. It was a pair of black sunglasses.

"Where the Hell did you find those?!" Reno came to his feet, tossing the teacup aside and brandishing his electro-rod. "I swear, if you have hurt Rude, I'll use your damn albino-skin as a rug!"

Cid winced at the sound of another cup breaking.

"I'll fucking start buying plastic, damn it…Kids! Take it outside!"

"He started it! He said bad things about my brothers!" Kadaj shouted.

"He's the one who's been torturing my partner!" Reno screamed.

"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it! Get outside!" Cid roared waving the dish brush at them.

Vincent stared after the sulking, arguing youngsters as they walked out.

"Did Kadaj spend all his savings on a pair of sunglasses, just so he could get a rise out of Reno?"

Cid snorted.

"Did Reno get a ShinRa chopper and flew for three hours one-way jest ta annoy Kadaj?"

"Hm. It's a bit sweet isn't it? You know, in an insane kind of way." He got up and moved over to Cid, still nibbling the ice cream. "At least they're out of the house. For a couple of hours."

"Yeah, and – hey! Yer dripping ice cream on me!" The little hairs on Cid's neck all rose as the cold, sticky melted ice cream dripped on him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Vincent purred. "I'd better do something about that…" deliberately slow, he licked along the tanned neck. "You're done with the dishes anytime soon?"

For answer, Cid lifted up the yelping gunman in his arms.

"Bring the ice cream," he smiled as Vincent blushed.

**

"Turkey boy!"

"Rancid Remnant!"

"Wager slave!"

"Copy cat!"

"Bet you I can out-drive you on a motorcycle!"

"Bet you I can catch you!"

"You're on!"

**

It was dark when Kadaj returned, in fact, it was almost day again. He'd killed the engine a kilometre or so from the house and pulled the bike quietly the rest of the way, parked it neatly. The house was quiet and dark. All he had to do now was sneaking into his bed and no one would be the wiser…

Four pairs of eyes glared down at Kadaj as he stepped inside – one demon red, one piercing blue and two emerald green, but none the slightest amused.

Kadaj recoiled and swallowed nervously.

"Have you any idea what time it is, young man?" Vincent crossed his arms over his chest.

"We've been worried sick!" Loz wiped away a few tears.

"You could at least have called," Yazoo commented icily.

"Where the Hell have ya been?" Cid roared. "We've been looking all over fer ya!"

"Where's the Turk?"

"Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?!"

"I've called your cell phone a million times!"

"This ain't an acceptable behaviour in this house!"

"I…we…" but Kadaj didn't have a chance to get a word in.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!"

"It *is* alcohol! You are just trying to cover it with breath mints!"

"You *do* know how the phone works, right? Why else did we pay good money for it?!"

"Ya have no idea how grounded ya are!"

Kadaj was backing away from the onslaught of question, a small blush rising on his cheeks. Suddenly Yazoo gasped and pointed, his other hand flying to his mouth.

"Is that a hicky?!" Wide-eyed he pointed a shaky finger at a red mark on Kadaj's pale neck. All four elders inhaled sharply, eyes going wide.

Kadaj turned bright red.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" he screamed, trying to cover his neck with his hand. "You are all stupid! Leave me alone!" Pushing past them he ran upstairs for his room, slamming the door shut.

"Well," Vincent huffed, affronted, "I've ***never***!"

"Kids taday," Cid growled with a shake of the head.

"He'll be the death of me," Loz sobbed.

"I wonder if Reno was any good?" Yazoo mused thoughtfully.

"Yazoo!" three shocked voices said in unison.

**

Next ch – Domestic Disturbance. The Remnants are trying to be good, Cid tries to stay away from the bottle, and Vincent is a more stabilizing presence in all their life than they expected.

Please note! This chapter will *not* be humorous. There will be mentions of incest, rape and alcoholism.


	8. Domestic Disturbance

Family Bliss – Domestic Disturbance  
Author: Enide Dear  
Warnings: references to prior rape, alcoholism, violence, incest  
Pairing: Valenwind, implied HojoxRemnants

Summary: The Remnants are trying to be good, Cid tries to stay away from the bottle, and Vincent is a more stabilizing presence in all their life than they expected

Author's note: Family Bliss took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up here. No humour, lots of angst

"I'll miss ya," Cid mumbled against Vincent's neck, holding him tight. "I'll miss ya so much."

"It's only three weeks, chief." Vincent hugged back, hard. "I'll be back before you know it." Reluctantly he let go, untangling Cid's arms around him. "You will be alright with them?" he nodded at the three Remnants who were watching the departure scene with curious interest.

"'Course I will. We'll take care of one another, right boys?" Cid waved at the brothers, who smiled and nodded back.

"Hm. Let me talk to them for a minute."

All three Remnants got a wary glint in their eyes as Vincent approached them; they were still very cautious about the demons inside him. Vincent at the other hand, had very mixed feelings about the clones and couldn't quite find it in him to trust them.  
It was the huge warm heart of Cid Highwind that kept them together as a family, and they all knew it.

"Be good whiles I'm gone," Vincent emphasized the words . "Take care of him. He tends to drink when he's feeling down, so try to keep him away from the bottle if you can."

Kadaj nodded.

"We'll keep him happy until you get back. We'll be good, I promise." He said seriously.

"We'll try not to break anything," Loz pledged.

"Or kill anyone," Yazoo added with a nod.

Vincent sighed.

"I guess that is as good as you can be. I'll be back in three weeks. I'll bring you a present." He turned back to Cid who had been waiting by the car, gave his husband a long, lingering kiss, got into the car and drove away with a wave of the metal claw.

Cid sighed and slumped a bit as the car disappeared.

"Well boys, I guess it's just ya and me now. I sure hope one of ya can cook."

**  
Cid woke the next morning to the smell of tea and toast. He'd slept badly in the lonely bed, but his spirits rose as he shuffled downstairs to a set table with the teapot on a place of honour in the middle.  
A smiling Remnant in a 'kiss the chef' apron was stirring scrambled eggs and frying bacon.

"Yazoo? Ya've done this?" Cid said surprised. Yazoo wasn't known to be an early riser.

"Please sit down, captain. I figured when mr Valentine wasn't here, there was no need for porridge." He suddenly got a worried look on his face. "That's alright, isn't it?"

"Hey, this is great I'd say!" Cid started to pour himself tea and lavish jam and cheese on a toast.

Yazoo sighed with relief and beamed with pride.

**  
Cleaning the windows of the Highwind was the most boring job there was on the airship. It was tedious and dirty and you just knew that as soon as the ship was in the air, the glass would be sprayed with bugs and dirt again. So Cid was more than a little delighted when he saw Loz hanging on a safety line on the outside of the ship, a bucket in one hand and a rag in the other.

"Yer doing great!" He called up. "Careful with the glass, a'right?" The window glass was several inches thick, but if Loz had wanted to break it, he'd have no trouble.

But Loz just smiled, waved back and continued his careful, neat cleaning.

**  
Yazoo showed up at the Highwind around lunchtime with a tray of food, nothing fancy but lots of it.

"Kadaj is cutting the grass," he explained as Cid and Loz eagerly threw themselves over the food. "And pulling weeds."

"Ya boys are the best, really." Cid didn't know where all this sudden helpfulness and domestic tendencies came from, but he would do his very best to encourage it. "Ya keep this up, and I won't even notice Vince is gone."

"We hope so. We just want you to be happy." Yazoo smiled.

"And we promised mr Valentine we'd be good, didn't we?" Loz added.

Despite the Remnants best attempts, though, Cid did miss Vincent with all his heart. The days dragged by slowly and the nights even more so; he wasn't used to sleeping alone any longer and the bed seemed huge and cold and desolate. Lying awake in the middle of the night, Cid reached for the bottle of whiskey he kept next to the bed; a glass or two helped numbing the loneliness and putting him sleep.  
For the Remnants' sake he managed to limit it to that, but he was glad it was just for a few weeks.

"Captain?"

Cid was slouching in front of the TV this evening, his hands behind his head and a used whiskey glass by his feet on the table. He rose an eyebrow in query as Kadaj appeared in the doorway.

"Yer still awake?"

Kadaj shrugged and smiled slowly.

"I don't sleep that much. Mind if I join you?"

"Go ahead, but I'm warning ya, yer not getting any whiskey." A bit dizzy with alcohol, Cid wondered if this meant Yazoo and Loz were also awake; the Remnants seemed to sleep together or not at all. Kadaj wasn't even in his pyjamas, but wearing loose cotton pants and a black tanktop. Very odd. The brothers usually seemed as fond of leather as Vincent was; Cid had concluded that it was probably some lab thing and that it was best not to ask.

There where something strange about the way Kadaj moved as well as he approached the couch where Cid sat, something slow and deliberate that drew the attention to his hips, somehow.  
Kadaj sat down with all his usual grace, just a tad closer to Cid than completely comfortable.

"What are you watching?" he asked idly curious.

Cid shrugged.

"I don't really know," he confessed.

Kadaj glanced disapprovingly at the half-empty whiskey bottle and the glass, but Cid scowled at him.

"Don't ya start on me. It's bad enough when Vince does it."

Under his bangs, Kadaj glanced up at him; the cat-eyes where always hard to read, but tonight they seemed even more distant than usually. Cid was starting to worry.

"Vincent has been gone two weeks now, almost. You miss him a lot, don't you?"

"Yeah," Cid said simply. "At least I've got ya guys around, right? Takes some of the loneliness away."

"But we're not Vincent," Kadaj pointed out with a sigh, glancing at the bottle.

"No, yer not…eh?" Cid looked down, bewildered, as Kadaj lied down his silvery head on Cid's lap, smiling lazily, still with that disturbing, vacant look in his eyes. This was different; as far as Cid had noticed the brothers were very non-touchy people. At least they'd always kept a large personal space before, and protested loudly when he's caught them in a rough hug or, Gaia forbid, ruffled their hair affectionately.

"Maybe there's a way of lessening your longing, hm?" Kadaj purred. Long, slim fingers walked down Cid's chest.

"What the Hell are ya doin'?!" Cid caught the clever fingers as they slipped under the lining of his trousers, and wrenched them away. Shock made him harsher than he'd meant to be as he almost crushed the smaller hand in his, but Kadaj kept smiling. The Remnant turned his face down, nuzzling it against Cid's lap, pressing warm lips against Cid's thigh.

Cid all but flew out of the couch, roughly pushing Kadaj aside.

"What the Hell are ya doin'?!" He repeated, wild eyed and shaking with shock.

"Helping you." Kadaj pulled the tank top over his head, smiling but serious. "Vincent has been gone for two weeks. It must be…hard…for you to be alone. And I don't mind."

"Don't mind?! What the fuck is that about?" Cid felt as if this was all some sort of bad dream; he didn't know if he should laugh or cry or get angry. "Does yer brothers know what the Hell yer doing here?"

"Oh, would you rather have Yazoo?" Kadaj said, still seriously. "Or Loz? We thought, after that scene on the Highwind, that you didn't really fancy Yazoo…" he started to remove his pants.

"Kadaj, put those damn clothes back on!" Cid's head reeled, worse than from the alcohol. "Then tell me what the sweet green fuck is goin' on here! Why are ya…yer brothers…what the Hell?" he ended lamely.

Kadaj looked honestly confused and almost a bit scared.

"You haven't been feeling well, without Vincent. We figured…three weeks is along time…and we *like* you. You have been nice to us, so….we don't mind…."

Cid slumped back on a chair, burying his face in his hands, trying not to throw up as his head spun.

"Yazoo! Loz! I figure yer listening, so get yer asses in here!" he shouted hoarsely.

The two brothers arrived so quickly that Cid guessed they'd been sitting on the stairs, listening.

"What, all three of us?" Yazoo purred; he was dressed only in a black shirt that hung a few inches short of decently down his slim thighs and his hip movements were even more apparent than Kadaj's had been. Loz was hanging over his shoulder, chucking and caressing the lithe chest; the strongest brother was wearing his skin-tight leather pants and nothing else.

"Stop that. Right away. And sit down!" Cid snapped. Now that he knew something was wrong he could see the blank absent look on all the Remnants' faces. But that vacant stare was quickly exchanged with confusion as they obeyed, confusion and…fear?  
Cid poured himself another large whiskey, stared at it and then back at the concerned Remnants. He shuddered and lowered the untouched glass down again.

"A'right, tell me what the Hell ya think yer doing."

"We're…helping you? Now Vincent isn't here?" Kadaj said carefully, his voice revealing his confusion. He glances at his brothers sitting next to him. "You haven't been sleeping well, and…we thought we would help you feel better. We don't mind…."

"Ya don't mind?! I'm supposed ta be like a father ta ya!" Cid knew he shivered, but couldn't stop it.

"Hojo was our father, strictly speaking," Yazoo commented, not meeting Cid's eyes as he was playing with a lock of hair. "It didn't seem to matter to him."

"And we did mind that," Loz added quietly. "He wasn't very gentle, but mr Valentine never seems to have any bruises from you, so…"

"We just prefer to give it freely, before you feel the need to be violent," Kadaj said as a matter of fact. "Not that we would fight you – I told you, we don't mind – but it hurts less if we're prepared."

The glass in Cid's hand shattered as he involuntary clenched his fists in mind-boggling horror. His voice was just a hoarse whisper.

"That little fucktard raped his own kids?"

"Captain, you are bleeding," Kadaj pointed out.

"I'll fucking kill him!" Cid didn't seem to listen, didn't even seem to register the pain in his hand. "I'll fucking kill the bastard!"

"Mr Valentine will be upset if you drip blood on the carpet…" Loz said with a nervous glance at the captain's face.

Wordlessly, Kadaj held out his tanktop and Cid snatched it from him, wrapping it clumsily around his hand bleeding in a make-shift bandage. The captain took an unsteady breath and tried to calm himself down before the worried eyes following his every move. He was even more disturbed to see the brothers recoil slightly as he crouched down in front of the couch as if they expected him to hit them. The situation was made even worse by the knowledge that had they wanted to, the Remnants could have torn him to pieces effortlessly, yet they didn't even seem to think about defending themselves.

"We did something wrong, didn't we?" Yazoo said quietly. "We were just trying to help…"

"We're sorry…" Loz sniffled.

"Are you going to throw us out now?" Kadaj's voice was unsteady. "Don't throw them out. It was my idea."

"Boys. Boys! Listen ta me." Cid fumbled for words. "I'm not goin' ta throw ya out and I'm not goin' ta hurt ya. In any way. Ever. And I don't care if ya 'don't fuckin' mind'! Jest…try ta understand this. Hojo is a fucking filth and pervert. As long as I'm around, no one is gonna touch ya in anyway ya don't want ta. 'Don't mind', don't even begin ta cover it! It doesn't matter if it's been three weeks or three years or three fucking centuries- ya don't ever have ta do that ta anyone. Understand?"

It was obvious from their confused frowns that they didn't.

"Ya don't ever have ta do this ta make me happy."

"Sex doesn't make you happy?" Kadaj frowned, even more confused.

"Yeah, but it's like…with Vince it makes me happy, with ya it would make me…" *perverted and filthy and sicksicksick* "…very sad."

"But…."

"Look, would it make ya happy ta have sex with me? Honestly?"

The Remnants squirmed, not meeting Cid's sad blue eyes. Finally, Kadaj muttered.

"It makes us happy if you are happy."

Cid tried a different approach.

"Vince is mine, right? And I'm Vince's. Don't ever try ta come between us again, got it?"

That, at least, seemed to make sense to them. They nodded, exchanging confirming looks.

"Oh." Kadaj nodded. "We didn't think of it like that. I guess it would make the demons very angry."

"It's a'right. Jest….never try this again, a'right?" Cid sighed with relief. "Ya wanna keep me happy, do what ya did before – help out around the house and don't stab, shoot or electrocute anyone."

"We'll try." Kadaj nodded at Cid's hand. "But you really need to do something about that, captain."

"I've got it. Ya go ta bed now, and we'll forget all about this…misunderstanding."

"Sure. Good night, captain." Kadaj led his brothers away upstairs, three pale half-naked brothers.

Still shaking a bit with shock and anger, Cid got out a pair of tweezers and kept the water in the sink flowing. That way he could pretend that the tears running down his face was just from the pain in his hand. For the first time he wondered if there was any hope of ever turning the Remnants normal again.

**

Next ch – Bed time. The Sephlings have strange sleeping habits…


	9. End Games

Title: Family Bliss – End Game  
Author: Enide Dear  
Warnings: SQUICK! NC - 17  
Pairing: Valenwind, RenoxKadaj

Summary: Cid makes a grave mistake, Vincent saves the day, the Remnants makes a tough choice, Hojo becomes part of the family and Yazoo takes his innuendoes to a whole new level. Thank Gods Cid don't get them.

Set directly after Domestic Disturbance

Vincent was more than a little surprised and disappointed as he drove up the dark, dusty road to the secluded farm outside Rocket Town; three pale figures stood waiting for him in the light of the outdoors lamp, but the blonde and azure of Cid Highwind was nowhere to be seen. He felt a jolt of dread followed by a surge of adrenaline as he drove past the unreadable Sephiroth clones, and his fears didn't subside as he stepped out of the car into the dark autumn night, frowning, and asked.

"Where's Cid?"

Kadaj blinked in surprise.

"He's not with you?"

"Don't play stupid with me! I've been gone for three weeks! Are you telling me he's been gone all this time?"

The Remnants retreated with their hands held up in placating gestures before the enrage demon man.

"Nono! He left yesterday! Said he was going to meet up with you along the way!" Yazoo almost screamed.

"He was just going to take care of something first!" Loz added, trying to shuffle his smaller siblings behind him.

"He left you a note! Here!" Kadaj threw an envelop at Vincent who caught it and tore it open with a metal claw. Worry and anger had made his red eyes fringe with demon-yellow, but as he read the badly spelled but carefully written note whatever human residues he had held on to left him in a roar of demon wrath.

The Remnants scattered terrified as Chaos tore through his host, expelling Vincent in a heartbeat. But the demon didn't care about them; the huge wings lifted it high up in the air and with another roar that shook the country side it sped back the way Vincent had driven, back towards Midgard.

Ruffled and frightened the Remnants reunited on the driveway, Kadaj picking up the torn note.

"'Vince. I hafta do sumethin about Hojo. As long as hess arond there can be no real piece for any wun of us, not ya and not the boys. I luv ya. Cid.'" He read out loud. He paled as the meaning of the words sank in.

"What? I don't get it…" Loz stared at the note.

"Cid's gone to kill Hojo. For Vincent." Yazoo explained, his voice trembling.

"For *us*." Kadaj crumbled the note in his hand. "This is all our fault. We shouldn't have told him." He bit his lip, hard. "Cid left yesterday. He thought he'd meet up with Vincent today, which he didn't. So…"

"He's still there!" Yazoo looked like he'd throw up. "Hojo got to him first."

"We have to…" Loz started agitated but the words trailed away. In the darkness of the night, they suddenly felt very small and vulnerable again. The fear that had been pounded brutally into their bones as children rose inside them like a demon far worse than Chaos.

"We promised we would never return there." Yazoo said quietly. "We promised ourselves, once we got out of there, we'd never go back."

"I don't….we can't…damn it!" Loz stammered.

"Vincent is already on his way." Kadaj smoothed out the note again and read it once more. "We won't be alone."

"We're older now. Stronger. Better. We're armed." Yazoo fingered Velvet Nightmare.

"Cid needs us." Loz said simply.

Kadaj gave his brothers a long hug, felt them tremble with fear, saw the fierce determination in reptile eyes.

"I promise I'll kill you myself before I let him get to you again." He mumbled against them and felt some of his own fear die out as they mumbled the same promise back.

**

Even with the motorbikes, the Remnants where hard-put to keep up with the raging demon; Chaos tore through the nigh sky like a falling dark star. Mako induced eyes struggled to keep him in sight as the bikes where pushed to the very limit.

As soon as they reached a relatively smooth area, Kadaj flipped his cell phone open.

"Reno? Are you at ShinRa headquarters? Get out. Now. What? I don't care what you have to tell them! Tell them your aunt is in the hospital or something! Well, then that can be arranged! Fine. Good. I'll make it up to you later, Snuggle-pie."

He put the phone away and blushed a bit as he met his brothers' amused gazes.

"Snuggle-pie?" Yazoo said sweetly.

"Not now!" Kadaj snapped.

Rufus had just sorted through the documents, stacking them neatly, when the entire ShinRa building shook violently, throwing him from the chair and scattering the papers. A hundred alarms seemed to go off at once, blearing and screaming.

"How do I just know this has something to do with the Science Department?" Rufus muttered as he picked himself up, grabbing for his gun.

The door to his office was thrown open as Tseng ran in.

"Sir! There has been an attack at floor eight! You have to leave immediately!"

"Sometimes I hate being right all the time," Rufus sighed to himself. "No, Tseng. Get your Turks; we're going down there." He'd barely finished the sentence before a new, loud crash echoed through the building. Rufus swore. "Tell me why we insist on having those huge windows on the first floor? They're like an invitation to crash through!"

"Couldn't say, sir…"

Kadaj sped the bike up the stairs, scattering ShinRa employees and cutting down a few guards; from behind he heard his brothers snickering and couldn't help grinning himself; this was very fun after all. Attacking the place that had haunted them all their lives where sending a thrilling surge of adrenalin through him; he could almost feel the shadows of the past lifting from his soul.

"We should have done this years ago," Kadaj smiled to himself. If not for the dread he felt for Captain Cid, he'd be laughing out loud with pure glee.

There were no need to read signs; they knew the location of the science department by heart.

The doors to the labs where flung wide open as screaming professors and assistance fled; a huge part of the back wall had simply been torn to pieces as Chaos crashed right through it. The labs where a cacophony of blood and screams and broken glass, research animals ran or slithered or flew for their freedom as their cages where destroyed in the mayhem, bodies and scattered limbs where strewn all over the place. And in the middle of it all was Chaos, roaring with fury and slamming anyone trying to stop him away.

The Remnants paused outside, taking in the scene with delight.

"Oh, this is almost too good to be true." Kadaj drew Souba and purred as the frantic scientist that fled from the demon ran straight towards the waiting brothers like a scared herd of chickens running from one doom to another.

"It's just like I dreamed it," Yazoo agreed, picking off targets.

"Maybe we could make this a family tradition?" Loz chuckled, Duel Hound sparkling. "Like Christmas Eve?"

"GUARD THE ENTRANCE. ALLOW NO ONE PAST. I WILL FIND THE MATE." Chaos voice rumbled through the lab, echoing painfully through bones and skulls.

"We…will." Kadaj agreed hoarsely.

Chaos grinned.

"GOOD BOYS. I'LL BRING YOU A PRESENT."

Hojo carefully measured up a small dose of amphetamine in a syringe; despite being older than he usually liked his subjects, this blond guy had proven a lot tougher than Hojo expected. He hadn't stopped cursing and thrashing in the bonds until the pain made him loose his consciousness, and that was nothing that a little stimulants couldn't fix.  
It was interesting, though, how the subject kept calling for 'Vince'. Hojo couldn't help but wonder if that could possibly be *his* Vincent….and he was determined to find out.

Suddenly, the building shook, almost throwing him to the ground. The subject groaned as his aching body was rattled but didn't wake. Irritated, Hojo pushed his glasses back up and went for the door. Someone would pay for dearly for daring to disturb his delicate work.

"They've barricaded themselves in there, sir." Tseng wiped the sweat of his brow. "I doubt any of the researchers are still alive."

"Damn it," Rufus sighed, but raised the megaphone. "Alright, what do you want?"

"Our father back!" came the shout from inside the lab; a huge pile of desks and tables had been turned overend in the doorway.

Rufus frowned.

"Don't you…don't you mean your Mother?" he asked carefully.

"Not this time!"

"But we're good sons this time – we know you have him here."

"And we're taking him back!"

"What the hell are they talking about now…." Rufus suddenly paled and stepped back as a huge figure appeared behind the Remnants, carrying an unconscious man wrapped in a clean white sheet cradled in one arm and pulling a struggling Hojo along by the professor's ankle with the other. The white sheet had huge red blood stains, but the blond man was breathing.

"Has all our past sins come back to haunt us?" Rufus' voice trembled a little.

"THIS IS NOT FOR THE OLD SINS, BUT FOR THE NEW." Chaos voice made the very bones in Rufus' skull hurt. The demon held out the bloodied body of Cid Highwind.

"Damn it!" Rufus almost panicked. "I told Hojo no more human specimens! He did this on his own – you can't blame me!"

"I CAN AND I DO!" The demon roared. "AND I DEMAND RECOMPENSATION!"

"What…what do you want?"

Hojo yelped as Chaos held him up in the air, struggling vainly to get free. His glasses had fallen off, and his face was getting very red from being held upside down, but he seemed otherwise unharmed.

"HIM." Chaos said simply.

"Sir, we got over a hundred Phoenix Down in the storage rooms…" Tseng mumbled, and Rufus swallowed and nodded quickly.

"Alright. Take him. Take him and….kill him, if you must."

Chaos looked from the wriggling scientist in his grip to the three pale Remnants who were watching the scene with a mixture of hungry, bloodthirsty anticipation and cold vengeance. He shook Hojo to make him scream and protest like a tiger might tease with a prey to make its cubs more eager.

"HERE YOU GO, BOYS. COME PLAY WITH YOUR PRESENT."

Hojo let out a hoarse shout of pain as Chaos threw him across the room to land in an untidy pile at the Remnants feet.

"Hello father. Missed us?" Kadaj smiled.

"We've been thinking a lot about you lately." Loz smiled.

"We think it's time to make you part of the family again." Yazoo smiled.

They kept smiling as they put away their weapons; white, happy and very, very, *very* sharp smiles.

**  
Cid woke to the wonderful smell of soup. His entire body ached miserably, but it was the sudden onslaught of dread that shook him awake.

*Please, please, dear Holy, don't let me still be in that place….*

"Chief, chief, it's alright." Vincent's cool hand and soft voice made Cid realise he was thrashing frantically. Grabbing on to Vincent's lean waist he buried his face against the gunman's chest, slowly getting a grip on himself again.

*Fuck! And this was only one night in that lab from hell…what has it done to Vince? And the boys…."

Vincent stroke his hair and held him tight until Cid could finally let go and sink back into the bed again.

"I'm home," he said a bit befuddled as he looked around.

"We brought you back, chief. Everything is alright now." Vincent smiled at him.

Behind the lean ex-Turk, Cid could make out Kadaj sitting by the edge of the bed, smiling and picking his teeth with a splinter of wood. The Remnant looked drowsy and sated as a well-fed cat after a kill. On the couch by the wall Loz was slouching, barely awake, the uppermost button of his pants opened. Yazoo lay with this head on Loz' thigh, snoring gently. The leather robe seemed to strain around his waist.

"Everythin' is a'right now," Cid sighed. "But how long before Hojo gets some other poor fucker down his lab? Whatever ya did, ShinRa is bound to have resurrected him by now."

Vincent and Kadaj exchanged a quick glance, and Kadaj grinned around the toothpick.

"I don't think we have to worry about Hojo for quite some time," Vincent said carefully.

On the couch, Loz burped gently.

"Pardon me," he mumbled.

Yazoo sighed with pleasure and stroke his full belly idly.

"Eh?" Cid shook his head.

"Never mind. Here I have some soup for you." Vincent reached for a cup.

Cid eyed is suspiciously.

"It's jest vegetables in here," he muttered.

"For now…I think that is for the best," Vincent said without meeting his eyes.

"How 'bout ya guys? Want some soup?" Cid nodded at the Remnants.

"No thank you, captain. We took a snack on the way back here." Kadaj said airily.

"Yeah, I'm absolutely full," Loz agreed. "I couldn't eat another bite."

Yazoo hiccupped and daintily put his hand before his mouth.

"What about ya, Vince?"

"Don't worry about me, chief, the boys brought some along. It was even still warm." He leaned over and kissed Cid's cheek.

"Good boys…damn it, Vince, what the hell have you been eating? Yer breath is awful!"

"Um…" Vincent flustered, but Yazoo came to the rescue.

"We're sorry captain," the Remnant smiled. "We had junk food again."

"I'm gone for one day and ya lot will eat anythin'….so what did ya have?"

"Jerk."

**

Next ch - Bedtime


	10. Spinning the yarn

Title: Family Bliss – Spinning the yarn

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring the Remnants but no Remnantcest

Rating: Too cute to be healthy

Summary: It's the itteh-bitteh-kitteh-comitteh!

Dedicated to :iconanimama: and her wonderful pic: .com/art/Vincent-wearing-kittens-92904166

**

"One, two, three, four, five…"Cid counted out loud, scooping back the straying kittens from all over the kitchen floor and put them back next to their exhausted mother. "I think that's all of 'em."

Loz's cat Kitty had come home one day after almost a week's absence, her belly swollen and obviously very pregnant, something that had fascinated the Remnants to no end until she finally gave birth two weeks ago. The little kittens where getting very inquisitive and *very* mobile.

"Six." Vincent pulled out another grey and brown kitten from the depths of his cape before it would shred the red cloth any further. "I'd say this is quite enough pets."

"Yes, if one breaks there's still several left for Loz to play with." Yazoo agreed, rolling his eyes at his oldest brother who sat cross-legged on the floor and had quickly turned into a kitten climbing experience, much to his amusement. Yazoo, at the other hand, sat cross-legged on a chair, refusing to even care about the kittens disappointed mewing at him.

"*Don't* break them. And that goes for all of you." Vincent sighed and glared at Yazoo and Kadaj; for once he was least concerned with Loz's unfortunate tendency to break things. At least the oldest Remnant seemed to care for the kittens and like them; Kadaj couldn't care less about the critters and so far they hadn't dared to leave Yazoo alone with them.

"Well, we can't have any more cats now." Cid grabbed his battered tom-cat by the scruff of the neck and hauled him in. The male tried to look innocent despite most of the kittens carrying his characteristic brown markings across the face. "We're getting' him fixed."

"Fixed?" Loz asked and removed a kitten that was trying to bite his ear. "Is he broken?"

"Cid means we're taking him to the vet and getting him neutered." Vincent explained and couldn't help but add. "It means they snip of his testicles."

The ex-Turk felt a small evil smile tug at his lips as all males in the room except the one they were talking about winced and instinctively tried to shield their groins with their hands.

"That way there won't be any more kittens," he added amused.

"And another plus is we won't have ta stay awake all through March because of that needy, screechy howlin'."

"That was a cat?" Kadaj said surprised. "I just assumed it was one of the demons…" he trailed away as furious red eyes caught him.

"Might as well get it done," Cid sighed and got up. "I'm taking old Malley here in ta Junion with the Highwind, they have a vet. Anyone care ta come with me?"

"Yes!" All three Remnants said a t once – they might differ about the kittens, but they all loved flying.

"Can I drive this time?" Kadaj asked eagerly.

"I told ya it's called flyin'! And ya can fly my Highwind when Hell freezes over, thaws, and then freezes over again."

"That isn't a very precise description," Yazoo frowned. "We'd have to ask the demons constantly about the current temperature in Hell."

"Let's take this discussion at some other time, a'right…"

**

Vincent decided to stay home and enjoy the relative peace and quiet, something there never seemed to be much of these days. Watching the kittens play with a ball of yarn as he drank his coffee, he sulkily thought back on the days when it had been only him and Cid. It had certainly been more…satisfying, in certain aspects. Now a days Cid always seemed too tired for anything extra and Vincent missed it. The Remnants were taking too great a share of the captain's energy and Vincent felt a gnawing jealousy growing in his chest. Not to mention an unmistakable underlying simmering lust.

But, he realized, he hadn't exactly been the most interesting partner himself. It was weeks since anyone of them had put any extra effort into the bedroom.

That was going to change tonight, Vincent decided. He was going to get the Remnants out of the house for the evening and he and Cid would have some fun. Gaia knew they deserved it, taking care of three Sephlings and six kittens; if anyone deserved some mind-blowing sex it was them. And he would make it happen.

Excited about his idea, Vincent drew up the plot in his head. Money for a movie and a burger joint would get the Remnants out of the way and the kittens could be firmly locked in the kitchen. And he'd wear something sexy and slightly naughty – maybe that Playbishi suit, Cid loved that one. But not until he was absolutely sure the Remnants were nowhere near the house; Kadaj still gave him odd looks after the one incident with the cowboy dress-up. It was bad enough to be seen in nothing but chaps, a g-string and a hat but there where no way he'd risk being spotted in a fluffy pink bunny tail and long ears.

Finishing his coffee he hurried out the kitchen and upstairs, getting his plan ready. An hour later he could tick of the steps on his fingers: new clean sheets, money on the table to tempt away the Sephlings, Playbishi bunny-suit ready for action but stored out of sight, white wine cooling and lube warming. All he needed now was a shower and all was set, and there were still plenty of time. Even if the Highwind could make it to Junion and back in an hour the visit at the vet would take at least another half an hour. His belly was tingling with pleasant expectation as the hot water splashed over him, the pipes rumbling threateningly.

The pipes rumbling? They'd never done that before.

Turning of the water, Vincent realized it wasn't the hot water pipes but the sound of an incoming airship – the Highwind was returning very early. Feeling a slightly panic, Vincent reached for a towel.

There was no towel.

Swearing all of Cid's best curses under his breath, Vincent threw open all the closets in the bathroom, but they were depressingly empty. Now he could hear voices from outside; unless he wanted to streak in front of everyone, he'd have to make a dash for the bedroom. Shaking himself off as best as he could, Vincent peered out the door and made a run for it.

He came as far as the kitchen before he tripped over the yarn that was now spread all over the floor. Squawking, Vincent fell to the floor, tangling himself more and more as he fought the yarn. The kittens, apparently thinking he was some novelty toy, pounced eagerly on him, mewling with delight. Hissing with fury and panic, Vincent tried to get them out of his hair but winced as tiny claws scratched at his bare skin.

The door opened.

"I guess we'll jest have ta return another day and hope they're open…" Cid's voice trailed away and his jaw dropped as he saw his blushing, dripping wet lover on the floor, red yarn tying him down and tiny kittens climbing all over his pale skin. His voice dangerously red, Cid flung out his arms, quickly if not very effectively trying to hinder the suddenly curious Remnants from entering.

"What? What's wrong?" Kadaj tried to peer past Cid's shoulder; Yazoo got up on his toes and Loz still tried to keep the un-neutered tom-cat in his arms.

"Nothin'! Nothin is wrong!" Cid dug through his pockets and slammed the keys into Kadaj's hand. "Ya know what, ya guys take the Highwind, a'right?"

"Really?!" Kadaj greedily grabbed the keys. "You really mean that?"

"Oh, yeah. Take the airship and, um, get out of here. Yeah. Like now." Cid swallowed and tried to shut the door on them, hiding his lower body behind it. "And ya jest stay away fer as long as ya want."

He slammed the door shut, leaving three bewildered but much pleased Remnants outside.

"Can I try to drive it?" Loz asked as they hurried away to the airship.

"It's called flying." Kadaj said haughtily. "And you can do it when those two ever get bored with one another."


	11. Social Call

Title: Family Bliss – Social Call

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring the Remnants but no Remnantcest. Implied Renaj. Implied ReevexI'mnottellingcauseI'mevil

Rating: Implied smut

Summary: Cid tries to get rid of some kittens, a certain Remnant tries to fight of a case of boredom and Reeve tries to escape the insanity with his life, his sanity, and, preferably, his pants.

A/N: The fluff, it burns! It burns! If anyone, anyone at all, would write me something dark and steamy I would be so utterly happy!

***

Even from a distance Reeve could see that the yard before the Valenwind house was even more cluttered with vehicles than usually, so he turned his car aside and parked it behind the tool shed instead, not wanting to be a bother.

Cait ran ahead up towards the house whiles Reeve locked the car – pretty pointlessly out here in the middle of nowhere, but Midgard habits died hard. Whistling he started walking the dusty path around the shed.

A sudden, quickly cut off squeal and a muffled sound made him hesitate.

"Cait?" There was no answer. Suddenly the yard seemed too quiet, not the peaceful place it had been just a moment ago but…desolate. Empty. And yet he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him. "Hello?" He spun around; there were no one to be seen. The buildings lay quiet. "Cait? Cid? Hello! Vincent?"

He stepped nervously around the corner - and came face to face with a tall, pale, green eyed creature staring down at him without blinking underneath long silvery hair, so close their noses were almost touching.

"They're not at home." Reeve instinctively backed up a step as the smiling apparition had stood right behind the corner, getting him far too close for comfort. But instead of getting free, he just bumped into a wide chest and as he twisted around he saw another perfect pale face grinning down on him, this one also appearing to have a very cramped sense of personal space.

"Hi, um, you must be…" He yelped as a third figure came falling out of nowhere, landing smoothly and *very* close, effectively trapping Reeve between the wall of the shed and the three. The first one, he now saw, held Cait in a hard grip over his elbow, the hand slammed across the magic-robot's mouth. Cait clawed and squirmed in vain panic against unyielding leather. "Um…that's…that's my cat…"

"You are intruding. This is private property." The third one, the smallest one, fixed him with green eyes; his mouth was smiling but those eyes were not.

"I'm a friend of Cid and Vincent." Revee found himself backed up against the wall even harder, sweat breaking on his brow. Yes, he knew the Valenwind's had adopted the Remnants, but from Cid's description they had sounded like bad boys who'd pulled a prank. He swallowed nervously as shiny emerald eyes fixed him from smiling, hostile faces. He hadn't counted on them to be this…Sephiroth – like.

"Yeah, sure. So many people come by – 'friends' of captain Highwind or Mr. Valentine – just to see the freak show." The kid snorted and leaned closer to Reeve, and now he was smiling as he picked up Reeve's nervous fear. "Well, do you see it close up enough now?"

"I….I…"

"Who are you?"

"Um….Reeve."

The youngster frowned.

"Is that your name or profession?"

"Eh…what?"

"Hey!" The biggest one slammed a fist against the shed's wall; the wood and stone rattled like it had been paper. "He was asking you a question!"

Reeve yelped again and ducked, his heart hammering.

"Boys! The Hell are ya doin' now?" Suddenly Cid's voice came from nowhere and the threatening aura dispersed immediately. In the blink of an eye the three hostile, insane maniacs hovering over Reeve became three pouty kids.

"Playing!" They all answered in unison.

"Well, knock it off!" Cid came walking across the yard and the Remnants backed away from their prey. "Yer scaring our guest."

"So he really is a friend of yours?" The one holding Cait asked and dropped the magic cat; Cait climbed up Reeve's leg in such a frenzy he probably tore the cloth.

"Yeah. Reeve, they didn't scare ya, did they? They're just kids." Cid smiled and waved. "Here's our boys, Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz. Boys, this is Reeve Tuetsi."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Tuetsi." All three boys said with, to Reeve, quite a nasty undertone.

"A'right, now scoot. Vince needs helps ta put out tea." Cid watched the three Sephlings hurry to the house before turning back to Reeve. "Ya sure yer ok?"

"I think they tried to kill me!" Reeve stammered as Cid put an arm around his shoulders and started to lead him to the porch.

Cid laughed.

"'Course they didn't! Trust me, if they'd tried ta kill ya, we'd been scraping up what was left of ya from that shed's wall."

Reeve could only stare at Cid, convinced they'd all gone mad.

**

"So, the reason we invited Reeve –except for the company, of course - was that he said he wanted a new kitten." Vincent said as they were finally seated by the table, tea and coffee served.

"What?!" Loz coughed biscuit crumbs over the table. "He can't take Kitty's kittens away!"

"Oh, not again," Kadaj sighed as he saw his eldest brother's eyes start to overflow with tears. "I knew we should have just kicked this guy all the way back to Midgard." He tossed his head at Reeve, who was by now almost as pale as the Remnants.

"You will do no such thing. Loz, the kittens are growing up, we need to find them new homes. And Reeve adores cats, and they love him. He'll take good care of one."

"Yeah, I mean look at him," Cid said in a stage whisper. "He's even got a robot cat ta make up fer not having a real one."

"That's not…" Reeve started but shut up when someone kicked him under the table. He was slightly surprised to realize that it was the long-haired brother, Yazoo, who had done it all the while smiling serenely.

"Um….maybe, then." Loz dried his eyes. "If the kittens like him!"

"Let's find out. Gather them up and we'll see if anyone of them fancies moving ta Midgard."

"No, you sit here, Reeve. I figure you have gone through enough just getting here." Vincent's smile was slightly wry. "We'll go find the little critters. Yazoo, you stay here."

"Why?" The long-haired Remnant pouted.

"Because I don't want any of the kittens to have an 'accident' that's why…"

**

"You don't….like cats?" Reeve asked carefully, mostly to break the awkward silence once the rest of the Valenwind household had spread out to find the elusive kittens.

"No. They take all the attention away from me." Yazoo flicked his hair, a hint of unashamed hurt vanity in his voice. "

"…I see."

"Tell me about Midgard." Yazoo played with a cookie, watching Reeve under hooded eyes. The feline grace of his pose was most certainly eye-catching.

"I'm not sure I should give you any information…"

Yazoo's eyes grew dangerously narrow.

"We're not prisoners, you know. We read the papers, we watch TV, we could even go to Midgard if we wanted to – at any time!"

"So why don't you?"

Yazoo sighed and leaned back in the chair, his long hair sweeping in the air.

"Because we'd be grounded for weeks if we just took off and left."

Reeve couldn't help but smile. He didn't understand how, but it was obvious that Cid and Vincent had been good for these youths.

"We almost never get any real visitors out here, unless you count Reno, and Kadaj keeps him too busy moaning and screaming to make decent conversation."

Reeve desperately tried not to think about that. *Getting into bed with one of the Remnants? Gods, Reno, are you insane? Wait, that was probably a paradox." He decided to change subject quickly.

"Is it true what Kadaj said? That people come out here to…stare at you?"

"Kadaj doesn't lie." Yazoo smiled and stretched lazily. It was hard not to look at him when he did that. "I guess five males living together, and only one of us being strictly human, is cause for some curiosity. We usually round them up and toss them in the lake. Of course, at winter Loz have to make a hole in the ice before we can do that."

Reeve coughed some coffee.

"You do that?"

"Well, if we just tossed them on the ice, they'd break their bones, right?" Yazoo smiled nastily. "So we're being nice about it. Why are you staring at me?"

"What?" Reeve felt his cheeks start to turn red.

"You are staring at me, when you think I don't see you do so."

Once more, Reeve flustered, caught of his guard. He'd thought he'd found some relatively safe are of conversation and then the pretty Remnant had just pounced from another direction.

"I'm…um…" Something told him lying would be a very bad idea indeed. "It's your eyes." He confessed in a mutter.

The gaze in the emerald eyes grew a shade dangerous.

"What's with my eyes?" Yazoo asked sweetly, like a cat being all innocent with a caught mouse.

"They're, um, very pretty." Reeve muttered in his coffee mug.

The answer seemed to take Yazoo off guard. The pretty eyes got huge and then a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Why, thank you." He almost purred.

"Here we go!" The door was suddenly kicked open and in poured four males and what appeared to be an army of protesting kittens, most trying to squirm out of Loz's arms, one stuck on Vincent's head and one clinging to Kadaj's leg. The leather was probably a good thing as the Remnant didn't look much happy about the free rider anyway.

As always, Reeve's heart melted at the sight of cats and kittens. He did want a new pet, to keep him company, but even if he hadn't he knew he could have never resisted the little grey and brown furballs.

The kittens started to run all over the floor, most climbing back up Loz's legs – there were only six of them, Reeve realized, but it sure seemed to be a lot more.

One little kitten, with a strange almost mask like colouring on its face, stumbled up to Reeve and started mewling. As soon as he picked it up it rubbed its head against him and started purring.

"See, Loz? It likes him already."

Loz pouted – a slightly frightening thing to see - but didn't protest, recognizing another cat lover when he saw one.

**

It was too late to drive back to Midgard so Reeve took one of the guest rooms for the night – deliberately choosing the one furthest away from where the Remnants lived. He took a long shower, trying to clear his mind of the bewildering day. Sitting on the bed, he dried his hair and smiled as he watched the kitten play with the ends of the towel.

"You really do like cats, don't you?" The voice came from the open window, low and seductive, and it made Reeve almost jump out of his skin.

"Yazoo? What are you…" He didn't get any further as the Remnant slid gracefully into the room, a smug smile on his lips.

Reeve's heart sped up with equal amounts of fear, confusion and excitement as Yazoo crawled up on the bed. On all fours he crawled closer, once more the feline grace showing at even the tiniest motion.

Reeve found himself pushed back on the bed, holding up the towel as a very inadequate covering.

"I can be a nice kitten for you," Yazoo mumbled, rubbing his silky smooth head against Reeve's cheek, a slender finger playing with the faint black hair on Reeve's chest. "If you promise to make me purr."

"I don't think…" Reeve gasped as the towel was pulled away from him.

"Oh, good."

**

"They're like that, sometimes." The next morning found a slightly disheveled Reeve sitting by the breakfast table in the company of Loz and the kittens. The kitten Reeve had chosen was today blatantly ignoring him and had protested loudly, squirming and scratching until he let it down to play with its siblings. "One day they like you, and the other they don't."

"Um, Loz, do you know where Yazoo is today?" Reeve was glad his high-collar robe hid some of the scratch marks on his neck. The Remnant had been *intense*, and then snuggled up to him, fallen asleep in his arms – and then gone, by the time Reeve woke up.

"He and Kadaj left early, said they wanted to go swimming in the lake." Loz sighed. "Yazoo said I was to 'take of the kitten' until they come back. I wonder which kitten he meant? He's never cared for them before."

Reeve hid his face in his hands.

"Do you think," He said from between his fingers, "it would be alright if I take the kitten with me anyway? I mean, it seemed to like me yesterday."

"Sure. It might be its just doing it for attention, you know. Making you jealous. They do that sometimes to."

"Yes." Reeve sighed and started to clear away his breakfast. He tried to ignore the little sting of bittersweet emotions crowding his chest. "Maybe you are right."

Loz picked up the kitten Reeve had chosen when their guest returned to his room to pack. He would miss it, of course, but he guessed he had plenty of others to play with. The little kitten attacked his hands and playfully nibbled his fingers. He thought back to last night; it didn't take a genius to figure out what had happened between their guest and Yazoo. Which was a good thing, as he knew he was no genius. He petted the kitten and mumbled.

"And sometimes they play with things just once and then never return to it."


	12. Bedtime

Title: Family Bliss – Bedtime

Author: Enide Dear

Warning: Unlike the other Family Bliss ficletts, this one isn't supposed to be funny. It will also contain some hugging and bed-sharing on the Remnants account, but this is not supposed to be interpreted as Remnantcest, although I can, of course, not stop you if you insist. They will be dressed, though.

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring Kadaj, Yazoo and Loz, but no Remnantcest.

Summary: The Remnants' past comes back to haunt them, and they find common ground with Vincent.

**

"Ta – da!" Cid grinned widely as he swung open the doors to the two new rooms he and Vincent had fixed up. "Yer own rooms! No need ta be cramped up all of ya in the guest room any more."

The Remnants stared at the small but neat rooms, confusion and worry shining through their pale faces. No one said a word.

"Well, don't ya all jest try to thank us at once." Cid grumbled as the silence wore on. "We might drown in such affectionate displays of gratitude."

Yazoo and Loz had turned pleading eyes towards Kadaj, but the youngest Remnant shook his head minutely, took a deep breath and forced a smile.

"Thank you, captain Highwind. And you, mr Valentine. It was….very thoughtful of you and I'm sure we'll….we'll appreciate it. Once we get used to it." The last words seemed directed more to his brothers than to the odd couple that had taken them in.

Cid scowled, apparently disappointed at the lack of enthusiasm, but Vincent nodded.

"The beds are made and ready, so you can sleep in here tonight. We can put away the extra mattresses in the guest room tomorrow."

Yazoo looked like he would panic; he grabbed on to the sleeve of Loz's pyjamas as if he was afraid to let go, but Loz didn't have much comfort to give as he looked ready to cry.

Kadaj took an unsteady breath.

"Oh. Good. Um. Yazoo, you can have the middle room, Loz, you keep the guest room and I'll…I'll take the one furthest away."

"But you…" Yazoo started but a sharp gesture from Kadaj cut him short.

"No. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. Good night, everyone." With stiff motions, Kadaj walked into the little room and closed the door behind him. He'd looked a lot braver going into a hailstorm of bullets.

Yazoo sighed heavily and Loz gave a small, whimpering noise before they too mumbled good night and scuffled into their rooms.

Cid and Vincent exchanged confused looks.

**

The next morning it was three very tired and hollow-eyed Remnants that dragged themselves down for breakfast.

"So, I take it ya didn't sleep very well in yer new rooms." Cid said as Loz almost fell asleep with his head first into the bowl of porridge.

"We just need to adapt, that's all." Kadaj said decisively. "We'll sleep better tonight."

**

But the next morning they looked even more tired, dragging themselves around the house like pale ghosts.

It took quite a lot of food to keep five males content, so Cid and Vincent usually took the old pickup when driving into town for shopping. The rusty old thing seemed to survive purely due to the copious amounts of love that Cid lavished on all things mechanically, and was probably held together more by rust and some sort of machine loyalty than anything else.

The car rattled to a stop in the yard and Cid looked around for some help to carry the groceries inside. He sighed when his gaze fell on the porch.

All three Remnants were fast asleep in the hummock, Yazoo's head leaning on Loz shoulder, Loz head leaning on Yazoo's neck and Kadaj draped over their knees.

"Go away, we're sleeping." Kadaj muttered without opening his eyes as Cid stepped up to frown down at them.

"I can see that. No wonder ya can't sleep at night. Get yer asses up and help me with the food."

Groaning and grumbling the brothers untangled and walked zombie-like over to the car to help.

"Damned punks, sleepin' all day and then they can't sleep at night," Cid grumbled, but Vincent shook his head.

"I don't think it's that easy, chief." He mumbled.

**

Before he went to bed himself that night, Cid checked in on his protégés. Very quietly he opened the door to Kadaj's room and peered in.

Kadaj seemed to be asleep, but it was far from restful. He was tossing and turning in bed, his blanket thrown off and sweat beading on his forehead. Cid contemplated waking him from whatever nightmare was torturing the boy, but decided against it as Kadaj took a long, wobbly breath and seemed to relax a bit. Quietly but concerned, Cid closed the door on him.

The sounds coming from Loz's room made Cid pass by Yazoo's to his elder brother; Loz was crying in his sleep, hugging his pillow tightly. Cid shook his head. What the Hell was wrong here? He was just about to wake Loz up when the screaming started from the room next doors.

Cid ran over to Yazoo's room, threw the door open and hurried over to the bed. Yazoo's eyes were wide open but he didn't seem to recognise the captain; he was tearing at the blanket, screaming in hoarse, panicking bouts.

"Yazoo? Yazoo!" Cid tried to comfort him, but Yazoo threw himself off the bed before Cid could even touch him, scrambled for his huge gun and backed off into a corner, crouching down and clutching the weapon before him in trembling hands. His breathing was shallow and erratically and he still didn't seem quite awake, for all that it was obvious he was terrified.

"Yazoo…it's me, a'right? It's Cid. What's wrong? Let me help ya…" Cid moved slowly towards the shaking, hysterical Remnant, holding out his hands. "Jest lower that gun, and it will be a'right…" Yazoo didn't seem calmed by the words, if anything he seemed to be getting more and more frightened as Cid closed up on him, pressing himself harder and harder into the corner.

Cid reached out a hand to touch his arm.

A harsh hand grabbed Cid from behind and threw him aside just as the gun went off; the bullet grazed the side of his head when he bounced onto Yazoo's bed as Loz ran past him, followed by Kadaj. Both brothers kneeled quickly by Yazoo's side, threw their arms around him, mumbling softly.

"It's alright now, we're here, we're not going to let them touch you," Kadaj gently removed Velvet Nightmare from Yazoo's uncertain grip; Yazoo didn't fight him though his eyes were still huge and frightened as a deer's. "You are safe with us, remember?"

"Come back, please come back," Loz cried against Yazoo's long hair. "We're not there any longer, you don't have to do this."

Yazoo clambered to them, with a grip so hard it made Cid wince just to see it, but the Remnants didn't protest. Slowly, slowly, guided by the gentle words and strong embraces, Yazoo calmed bit by bit. Very slowly, Kadaj untangled himself from the pile.

"Don't leave me!" Yazoo gasped, clutching for him.

"Hush, it's alright. Loz is here for you. I'll come back in a minute." Kadaj nodded at Loz who effortlessly lifted up Yazoo and carried him over to the bed and lay down with him, pulling the cover over them both. Yazoo held on to his neck in what looked like a death grip, still shaking with fear.

Even in the spotted pyjamas, Kadaj looked a lot older than he was when he turned back to the confused Valenwinds.

"I guess I need to explain," he sighed.

**

"This isn't working." Kadaj said as he sat down by the kitchen table, opposite Cid and Vincent.

"I've noticed. What the hell is wrong?" despite the gruff words it was obvious that Cid was concerned.

"If it wasn't you who had asked, captain, I wouldn't even have tried, but…." Kadaj looked away. "We haven't…we haven't been separated. You know, since the labs."

Both Cid and Vincent tensed; this was the first time any of the Remnants spoke voluntary about their origin. Kadaj absentmindedly twisted a few strands of his hair as he spoke, not really looking at anything.

"Back then, to be alone was to be…exposed. Vulnerable. Especially when sleeping. And they…did things to us." He tore at the hairs. "Mostly to Yazoo, but me as well. And Loz, a few times, but once is too many. We've never really got over that."

"And now yer saying… yer saying yer afraid me or Vince will…hurt ya like that? After everything? Don't ya trust us?"

Kadaj spread his hands in a gesture of helpless frustration.

"Don't you see? We don't *dare* trust anyone. That's what they did to us. We can't trust you like that. Not now. Maybe never."

"Never is a long fucking time…" Cid started, but Vincent interrupted him.

"I know what you mean." In a rare show of affection, the ex-Turk put a gentle hand on Kadaj's pyjamas covered arm. "I understand. We won't try to separate you."

Surprised, Kadaj let the hand rest on his arms for almost three seconds before shrugging it off.

"Good. Because if you try we'll have to leave. And I wouldn't want that, but…"

"The scars go to deep. I understand." Vincent nodded. "Come now, I'll help you move the mattresses back into the guest room. That is alright, isn't it? You don't need to sleep in the same bed?"

"No, that works. As long as we are in one room, one can stay awake and on watch."

"What?" Cid was still trying to get his head around what was happening. "Ya do that?"

"It's worth it," Kadaj shrugged. "We don't need that much sleep anyway. But if all of us need to sleep we'll sleep together. That way no one can sneak up on you and take you away during the night. We'll protect one another. "

"You are very lucky to have your brothers." Vincent sighed, his gaze lost in the distance.

Kadaj gave the gunman a piercing gaze, but nodded slowly.

"I suppose you do know."

"More than I would like to. Come now. The night is running away."

Cid sat dumbfounded by the table, watching them leave, watching Vincent almost put his arm around the youngsters shoulder, but pulling it away with a small shake of his head. With their pale skin and odd eyes and graceful movements, they were eerily alike. Or maybe it was the shadow of old pain that hung over them both, eradicating all differences.

"Damn it," Cid muttered. "Am I the only guy in the world that hasn't been tortured in a laboratory?"

**

Kadaj climbed back into the bed and Yazoo removed one arm to pull him nearer with a harsh move that wasn't like him at all. Kadaj let his brother hold him tight, tight, gently stroking his hair whiles Loz mumbled silly nonsense in Yazoo's ear.

"Will we have to go away now?" Loz asked quietly. "Will we have to leave here?"

"I'm so sorry, Kadaj." Yazoo's eyes were shiny with tears. "It's my fault. I wasn't...strong enough."

"No, no." Kadaj gently stroke away the unshed tears. "We don't have to leave. They'll let us be together. Vincent understands. And captain Highwind...he accepts it."

"But he doesn't understand." Loz sighed as Kadaj shook his head, but Yazoo held them closer.

"Lucky him." He mumbled against Loz chest.


	13. Job search

Title: Family Bliss – Job search

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, also featuring the Remnants but no Remnantcest

Rating: Cute, but contains tragic chocobo death

Summary: The Remnants gets jobs

Dedicated to: Mezma!

**

"Chief….we have a problem." Vincent sat down opposite Cid at the kitchen table.

"What is it this time?" Cid sighed. "Yer demons having another fit? Loz crying again? Have ta chase away more of Yazoo's suitors? More cats?"

Vincent shook his head and nodded out the window at the Remnants playing soccer in the yard. Even from a distance it was obvious that Kadaj's wrists where sticking out far too long out the sleeves of his sweater, and by the way he kept absentmindedly pulling at the back of it, it wasn't very comfortable anymore.

"Kadaj's having another growth sprout." Vincent sighed. "I doubt he fits into most of his clothes."

"Can't he jest inherit his brothers?" Cid said thoughtfully. "It's not as if they ain't got the same colouring or somethin'."

"I don't think so." Vincent glanced out at the yard again where the just minutes ago so friendly soccer had turned into a rather violent all-on-all wrestling game. "They kind of put a new meaning the phrase 'wear and tear'. And…." He held up a sweater that was meticulously mended, sowed in, sowed out and patched up with various random pieces of cloth. "I think they are aware of it."

"Yazoo did that? He didn't tell us?"

"I don't think they want to put any further press on us. They must be aware that they are putting a certain…strain on our economy."

Cid looked a bit depressed, but nodded. Going from a two person household to one with five very physically active males, meant the expenses for food, clothes, furniture and gas had sky rocketed. Not to mention the cost for home insurance.

"I think it's time they got a job." Vincent nodded at the Sephlings, and tried to ignore the cold shiver of premonition running down his spine.

"Job? Sure." Kadaj shrugged, glancing at his brothers. "I've got lots of ideas, like…"

"Wait, wait." Cid rose his hands. "Before ya even start, these ideas better not include thongs, body oil, nude photography, strippin', weapons, stealin', drive bys, EMR's, handcuffs, whips, body paint chocolate, cross dressin' or cats. In any way or combination. We're supposed to raise you boys decently!"

A general display of pouting met that protest and the three of them leaned back in their chairs.

"But…" Loz frowned. "What else ***can*** we do?"

"It's pretty much all we're qualified for," Yazoo agreed.

"And we'd make a lot of money on it," Kadaj added.

"No. There must be somethin' else you boys can do." Cid lit a cig.

"Or if you can quit smoking, we'd save a lot of money." Kadaj pointed out a bit viciously.

"Or if ya'd all stop usin' three gallons of shampoo each week, we'd save a lot of money." Cid retorted calmly.

"Enough, all of you." Vincent sighed. "We must cooperate here, not fight. So what can you do?"

"We're pretty good at destroying things." Loz said carefully.

"Yeah, if there'd been a quarry around Rocket Town, that'd be perfect." Cid shook his head. "But there ain't any minerals in theses hills."

"Driving, really fast." Loz said.

"Wielding a blade." Kadaj frowned.

"Cutting hair…what?" Yazoo shrugged at Cid's raised eyebrows and nodded at his brothers. "Who do you think does their hair?"

"Hmmm...." Vincent scanned the ads in the papers. "There might be an opening here for you then, Yazoo. A beauty parlour. Cutting hair, giving manicures...things like that. Do you think you could do that?"

"Without cuttin' off anyone's head, hands or similarly attached appendixes." Cid added.

"I guess…I could give it a try." Yazoo frowned.

"And this I think would be perfect for you, Loz." Vincent tore out an ad and handed it to Loz. "Delivering newspapers. Rocket Town has a lot of outlaying farms and such; you'd be driving around a lot. Possibly killing a few monsters on the way."

"And some of those farms have Chocoboes. I like Chocoboes." Loz took the ad. "Sounds like fun."

"But what about me?" Kadaj craned his neck to see the paper. "Isn't there anything for me?" He pouted, not used to being the last one chosen.

"I'm afraid…there's only one job left here that doesn't require any academic education." Hesitantly Vincent folded the paper and handed it to Kadaj.

Kadaj's face grew dangerously red.

**

One week later a dusty Loz, splattered with monster blood and with a few yellow feathers stuck in his hair came back from his round, grinning happily.

"So, how did it go taday?" Cid asked as he greeted the Remnant.

"Oh, great. I love this job!" Gratefully, Loz accepted a cup of tea from Vincent. "Where's my brothers?"

"Yazoo's coming." Vincent nodded at an approaching cloud of dust and a few minutes later the long haired brother parked his motorbike. He looked, if possibly, even more refined than usually, his nails buffed, his hair flawless, his eyebrows perfectly picked, his skin glowing with health.

"I got a raise." He smiled as he sat down by the table. "The manager said having me working there was the best way of attracting customers he'd ever known."

"And you smell nice." Loz added, sniffing at him, but Yazoo pushed him away with wrinkled nose.

"Too bad I can't say the same for you, brother. Go take a bath!"

"So you like your job as well, I take it." Cid grinned at the scuffling Remnants.

"Oh yes, it's quite – umf – acceptable." Yazoo dodged a punch and retaliated with a kick at Loz shins.

"I. Hate. My. Job." The ice cold voice cut through the ruckus, drawing all attention.

Cid harrumphed embarrassed. Vincent smiled indulgently. Loz snickered. Yazoo hid his smile behind a well-manicured hand.

Kadaj's pink-striped shirt was covered with blotches of grease. His hands were sticky. His pants were stained with dripping fat. His normally shiny hair hung limp and lifeless. There were shiny smudges on his cheeks.

And topping it all was a perky little hat, leaning dangerously, with the words 'Kalm Fried Chocobo'.

"I really, really hate it." He said through gritted teeth. "I swear, if one more person says 'bingo' when their number is up, I'll stuff them down the fryer."

He threw the paper hat on the ground and hissed.

"I'm not doing this anymore! If I see another Happy Chocobo Meal, I'm going to scream! I'm Kadaj! I'm a clone of *Sephiroth*! I'm not some Gaia-forsaken burger-flipper!"

"Yer a spoiled punk, that's what ya are, and yer not getting outa this unless ya have some other job waiting fer ya!" Cid growled back. "Yer brothers ain't complaining!"

"We can support him as well..." Yazoo started and Loz nodded, but Cid cut them short.

"No, ya ain't. Yer all gona earn yer own money, and that's it!"

"Burn in Hell!" Kadaj screamed and stormed away; he slammed the door shut so hard the entire house shook.

Loz hid his face in his hands and Yazoo sighed.

"I think we'll be sleeping on the couches tonight."

**

A few hours later, Cid knocked on Kadaj's door. A pouty, pale face looked out at him, hair still striped with grease.

"I'm sorry I swore at you, captain." He muttered. "But I don't want to work there anymore."

"'s okay, Kadaj. But ya got to stop acting like a kid. So ya don't like yer job. Ya don't have any other, so suck it up. Stick in there."

"For how long?"

Cid pulled deep on his cig.

"One month."

"One month?!"

"Yeah. Show me ya got the patience fer that, and that ya ain't a kid anymore. And I'll make it worth yer while."

"One entire month of flipping burgers and getting greasy with chocobo fat?"

"One month, kid."

Kadaj's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Alright, then. One month, but not a second more! And it better be worth it!"

"Trust me." Cid smiled.

The next month the Highwind got a new second-pilot. It also got a new mechanic and a new map-reader.

And they all had gorgeous hair and nails.

**

Fic got illustrated by Animama! Check it out: .com/art/Job-Search-pic-108027056?offset=0#comments


	14. Sleep over

Title: FB – Slumber party

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj

Rating: Almost turned NC-17....but is now very cute.

**

"It seems Reno will be staying the night for once." Vincent glanced thoughtfully up the stairs at the second floor where Reno and Kadaj had withdrawn hours ago. Usually Reno could only stay a few hours, a day at most before he had to hurry back to Midgard. Turks didn't have much free time. But today it seemed Kadaj had worn him out beyond the capacity to think or care about a scolding from Tseng.

"Yeah, well, the kid needed a rest." Cid shrugged. "He looked exhausted even when he got here. A night's sleep ought ta do him good." He glanced at his husband and blinked surprised as he saw the rather evil little smile on Vincent's lips. "Now what?"

"Do you think he knows?" Vincent said with attempted innocence.

"Knows what?" Cid frowned, but added, "oh," as Vincent nodded at the sound of Loz and Yazoo brushing their teeth upstairs. He felt a very evil smile tug at his lips as well. "Hehehe…."

**

Reno knew he'd slept too late when he woke the next morning in the still dark pre-dawn, so he shook off any semblance of stress or bad conscious. If he was already twelve hours late, then a few more or less would make no difference to the yelling he'd receive. Anyway, a sleeping Kadaj in his arms, silver-hair muzzled like a halo around the pretty face and lithe body pressed against the Turk's, was all the reason Reno needed to stay in the big, comfortable bed. He grinned as he moved even closer, kissing along the neck and caressing the limbs; Kadaj moved a little, almost wakening.

"Reno….no…" he mumbled, trying to swat off the Turk's busy hands. "I'm sleeping…."

"So? Time to wake up." Reno flipped him over and leaned over him. He was surprised to see a faint blush on the Remnant's cheeks.

"No, Reno! I was sleeping! Don't you know what that means?" Kadaj tried to hiss in a whisper.

"That I wore you all out yesterday?" Reno nuzzled his neck, ignoring Kadaj's attempts to break free. "I guess even mako is enough to make you keep up with a Turk, yo!"

"I have sleeping issues!" Kadaj was now blushing fiercely and pushing hard at him. "I can only sleep if…"

"Can't you two at least keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here." A grumpy voice far too close for comfort made Reno almost jump out of bed.

"Loz, what the fucking hell are you doing in our bed?!" He squeaked.

"It's not your bed, it's ***our*** bed," Yazoo's sleepy voice came from the other side of Reno. "And we can't sleep unless we're all here, you know."

"What? What the Hell?" Reno gaped down at Kadaj who could only shrug apologetically.

"It's true. It was my turn to be awake last night, but I fell asleep, so…if we're all to sleep, we have to be together."

"I've been sleeping stark naked in a bed with ***three*** Remnants?!" Reno's eyes got narrow with suspicion. "Then who the Hell's been touching my ass all night?"

A sudden dark spark of possessiveness flared in Kadaj's eyes.

"Brothers?" He said with sweet mock-innocence.

"I'm on the other side of Yazoo." Loz quickly defended himself. "Can't even reach him!"

"So you ***tried***?!" Kadaj pushed off Reno to glare down at his brothers, both of whom were not quite awake and tried to back away without falling off the bed. "Yazoo?"

"It wasn't *all* night," Yazoo tried to scramble behind the protection that was Loz, but apparently taking bullets, punches, magic blasts and the like for his long haired brother was one thing, standing up for Yazoo against Kadaj was quite another. And Yazoo's heart-melting huge eyes were wasted on his brother. "I was just..."

"Never play with my things!" Kadaj smacked a pillow down over Yazoo's head. "Never!"

"Ow! Stop that!" Yazoo whined, once more hurling for the safety of Loz.

"Kadaj, stop hitting him!" Angrily, Loz grabbed a pillow and smacked back, but Kadaj was too quick and the pillow his Reno instead.

"Ouch! I'll get you for that!"

The two fronted pillow fight soon grew to epic proportions.

**

"What are they doing in there?" Vincent shook his head at the strange sounds echoing all the way from the Remnants' bedroom to the Valenwinds'.

"I'm guessing either they're killing one another, or they're having a Gods-damned orgy." Cid grumbled. "Think we should go and call 'em off?"

"We *could* do that," Vincent said thoughtfully, "or...."

"Or what?"

"Or we could use cover of that noise to make some of our own."

The very broad smile Cid gave him was answer enough.


	15. Midgard Vacation 1

Title: FB – Midgard vacation I/II

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Rezoo.

Warning: Reno has a foul mouth

Summary: The author invents a new kind of STD and have way too much fun spreading it.

A/N: I need to get Loz hooked up as well….

It all started like a normal working day, but of course at ShinRa there were no such thing as a normal working day.

Reeve was eating his lunch in the crowded cafeteria when something smacked down on the table next to his plate of soup. Surprised, he glanced at the little package and started coughing at the food.

"What…is this?!" He managed between the wracking coughs.

"Don't tell me you've never seen a package of condoms before!" Reno grinned down on him.

"What? Why?" Reeve stared at the box that said 'ShinRa 10 –pack. Because you can trust us!" with big letters, recoiling slightly as if it had been a snake.

"You'll need 'em, you know, now you're screwing a Remnant."

Reeve's face suddenly matched his tomato soup.

"Reno!" He whispered, horribly embarrassed, waving his arms around to try to get the volatile Turk to shut up, or at least lower his voice. The dining hall had gone very quiet, the air crackling with people trying to hear everything whiles pretending they didn't listen at all.

"No, you don't get it, yo. They're like mako-based, right? You get enough cum inside you and you get mako-poisoning." Reno continued undeterred and very unabashed. "I figure you got lucky getting to fuck Yazoo last time, but he'll want some change. Or if you wanna suck him…mmpph!" Reno protested as Reve slammed his hand over the Turk's mouth.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! People are trying to eat in here!" He hissed, wanting to sink through the ground more than anything. Now everyone was staring at them, looks varying between envious to frightened. "It was a one night thing, alright? It's not going to happen again!"

"You sure?" Reno easily removed his hand. "'Cause I bought rippled ones and everything and Kaddy loves those so I figured…"

"Shut up!" Reeve blushed fiercely – there were no way the Turk could be this insensitive to the mood around them which meant he did it purely to embarrass Reeve. *Bastard!*

"Are you telling me you wouldn't want to do it again?"

"That is not the point! That vain, spoiled brat made it perfectly clear he'd got what he wanted from me and that was it! No matter how much I'd like to jump the bed with him again!"

"How sweet. You do like me." A voice purred behind Reeve and two pale arms wrapped around his waist and neck.

A rather unmanly yelp escaped Reeve, but as he didn't faint, die or pee himself even though all three options ran rapidly through his brain, he figured he held himself together pretty well.

"Yazoo?! What…how…?" Warmth and cold flushed through Reeve's body as the Remnant petted his beard and rubbed up against him from behind.

Yazoo pouted.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me."

"Yeah, you don't want to make my brother disappointed." Another familiar, low-key rumble of a voice with just the faintest undercurrent of a threat.

"No! No, of course not, Loz." Reeve almost *eeped* a second time as he realized Yazoo wasn't alone – all three Remnants were there, ignoring the nervous stirring they caused amongst the ShinRa employees. "Um. I want to keep him very happy. Um."

"And me to?"

"Of course. Wait, what?!"

Loz rolled his eyes.

"Not like that. Reno promised you'd take us to the zoo. I want to see the man eating lion they got. I've never seen a man eating a lion before."

"And I," Yazoo purred in Reeve's ear, "want to see what fun can be had in the Night House."

"But what are you…doing in Midgard?" Reeve stammered.

"Vacation." Kadaj appeared next to Reno who put his arm around the youngest Remnant's shoulders.

"I had to figure out something for them to do," Reno grinned and nodded at Loz and Yazoo. "Tseng and Elena won't go near them, Rufus is busy, and Rude cashed in all his paid vacation when he heard they were coming and went to Costa del Sol to work on his tan. But Kadaj told me you got along splendidly last time, yo."

"Splendidly?!"

"Well, you still got all your limbs attached, don't you?"

"See you tonight, or tomorrow or something." Kadaj nodded at his brother, who took Reeve under his arms and started to drag him away.

"Wait! I didn't agree on this!" Reeve protested. "No, wait, I got work to do! Reno! Help!"

"Sure." Reno threw the condom package and Yazoo nimbly caught it. "I bought the ones with lube on, you should be fine!" The Turk called over the dining hall after them as they disappeared out the door. He turned with a smile to Kadaj. "And now I'm getting you home to my place for some entertainment…"

"Oh no, you don't." Kadaj frowned, giving the surprised Reno an elbow in the side. "You can do that in Rocket Town. We're in Midgard! I want to do something new."

"Like what?" Reno sulked, rubbing his bruised ribs. "You wanna see 'Loveless'? The fucking art exhibition? What?"

"I don't know! This is your city! Entertain me!" Kadaj crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you do for fun here?"

Reno figured 7:th Heaven would be a safe enough bar to go to. Tifa gave them an odd glance but didn't protest as they sat down at an empty table.

"Give us two glasses, a bottle of scotch and send the bill to ShinRa." Rufus put his boots up on the table, but Tifa pushed them down again.

"Sorry, guys. Vincent already called. He told me the only thing the Sephlings were allowed to order was alcohol free White Russian."

Reno frowned whiles Kadaj looked bewildered.

"Alcohol free White Russian…hey, that's just a glass of milk!" The Turk protested.

"I know." She smiled sweetly.

Kadaj turned bright red with anger and Reno sighed, but grabbed him by the elbow before the Remnant could do something he'd regret.

"Come on. It's not like 7:th Heaven is the only bar in town."


	16. Midgard Vacation 2

It took quite some time before the phone was answered by a slightly out of breath and *very* annoyed Cid Highwind.

"There better be another Gods-damned Meteor on the way!" the captain growled into the phone, making Reeve recoil slightly. He'd finally managed to sneak away for a few minutes by hiding behind the walrus pool.

"Um, Cid? Where are you? The Sephlings are here in Midgard! They say they're on vacation! You have to come and get them!"

"The boys ain't on vacation – we are!" Cid snarled back. "And this ain't a good time ta be calling, a'right?!"

"But…" Reeve started to protest, but there was a sudden, ear-piercing screech as the phone was ripped from Cid's hand by a metal claw.

"Butts are most definitely a part of this, Reeve, so unless they are trying to take over the world again, don't call us." Vincent sounded if possible even more annoyed than Cid.

"Does throwing tourists into the lion pit count?" Reeve tried desperately.

"No. Go away." The phone clicked dead.

It wasn't the best wake up Reno had ever had; if it hadn't been for that traumatizing Christmas party incident with Hojo, he'd say it was the worse one ever. Two pairs of utterly un-amused reptile eyes glared down on him in the bed, arms crossed over black leather, silver hair shining softly in the morning light.

"What," Yazoo said with as much warmth as a Shiva storm, "have you done to our brother?"

Next to Reno, Kadaj moved feebly and pulled a pillow over his head. He looked tired and sweaty and very hung over.

"Um, got him drunk?" Reno tried.

"And what is that?" Yazoo pointed at his brother's pale, flat belly where something metallic shone.

"Eh. Um. Well, you see..." Reno scratched his head and tried to remember through the fog. "I think he got the navel piercing before the stand-up karaoke bar, but after the vodka-jelly-shot drinking contest."

"Karaoke bar?!" Yazoo gasped.

"Vodka jelly-shots?!" Loz whined.

"Yeah, they had to carry him off the stage and he wouldn't let go of the mike, but damn it, I've never seen a beginner down so much jellied alcohol before..."

"That piercing looks like a yellow-feathered penis and has a tag saying 'I love cock-o-boes.'" Yazoo stared.

"It was funny as hell last night, I swear it!"

"I guess we should just be glad it's not a tattoo," Loz sighed. "At least piercings can be removed. Kadaj? Are you alright?"

"No. I think he poisoned me," Kadaj whimpered pathetically from underneath the pillow. "I can't remember anything from last night, but.." He groaned. "Please hurt him. I'm too sick to do it myself."

"Wait, guys!" Reno squealed as the standing Remnant brothers exchanged a look. "He wanted it himself, yo! It's not like I forced him or anything!"

"I'm going to throw up," Kadaj's even paler than normal face re-emerged from the upholstery. "Yazoo. Toilet. Help!"

"There, there," Yazoo helped his little brother free from the bed and hurried him away to the bathroom, stroking the sweaty hair from his face. The sound of frantic vomiting could be heard from within.

Leaving Loz and Reno alone in the bedroom.

"Um, you're not actually going to hurt me, right?" Reno asked nervously, suddenly very aware that he was naked under the blanket.

Loz smiled wickedly.

"Let's play."

When Yazoo and a slightly better looking Kadaj returned to the bedroom, Loz was leaning out the window, holding something in his hand.

"And you'll promise never to let my brother drink that much again." He said out into the cold morning air five storeys up.

"Is that a foot Loz is holding?" Kadaj wiped his face with a still trembling hand.

"I promise, yo!" Came the panicking answer from outside the window. "I promise I'll never let him get pissed drunk again!"

"It's alright." Yazoo started to poke through the pile of clothes on the floor. "It seems the rest of Reno is still attached to it."

"Or put him in any kind of danger." Loz continued, waving at his brothers with his free hand.

"Or put him in any danger, I promise! Just pull me in already!" Reno wailed from outside. "I'm freezing my balls off, and everyone can see 'em!"

"Probably nothing they haven't seen before, being your neighbours. And you'll promise never to let ShinRa get their hands on him."

"Rufus has already promise Cid and Vincent that…stop shaking me! I promise, alright!"

"And take him out to a nice restaurant – on your expense."

"Sure, whatever you say, yo!"

"Maybe buy him flowers and presents once in a while."

"Are you giving me fucking relationship advices hanging out the window?! Ow! Yes, yes, I'll do it."

"Pull him in, Loz." Kadaj let Yazoo help him on with a sweater, both trying not to grin.

"One more thing." Loz leaned out. "You'll promise to cut your hair and get a decent job."

"I promise…wait, what the Hell?! I'm not doing that! You're not my mother, damn it!"

"Meanie," Loz sighed but pulled in the naked, cold and very red-faced Turk who ran over to the bed and swept a sheet around his waist, glaring angrily at Yazoo's curious glance.

"Oh, please. It's not like I haven't seen one of those before." Yazoo rolled his eyes, but pouted a bit as he affectionately ruffled Reno's hair. "Why do you get all the good toys, brother?"

"Because I deserve it. What time is it?" Kadaj fiddled with the crude piercing and finally managed to unclasp it, throwing it on the floor.

"Ten in the morning."

"Good. I'll have time to get better before we need to head back to Rocket Town."

"No, ten in the morning on *Monday*, Kadaj." Yazoo sighed. "We're one day late. We couldn't find you yesterday."

Kadaj blanched.

"We're so grounded," he moaned, clutching his head.

"No, *you* are grounded. Reeve called Cid and vouched for us. I'm guessing you'll be spending the afternoons the next two weeks cleaning dead bugs of the Highwind's windshield."

"Reno, you bastard!" Screaming, Kadaj threw himself over the hapless red-head, who yelped and dropped the sheet whiles trying to stave him off. "This is all your fault!"

"My fault?!" Reno tried to wrestle the smaller man down on the bed, but it wasn't very easy. "You said you wanted to be shown a good time!"

"But I can't even remember if it was a good time!" Kadaj fell snarling on the bed, kicking and squirming.

"Then maybe next time you won't get into stupid drinking contests with men twice as big as you!" Reno tried to keep him still by simply putting his heavier weight on top of him.

"Hey, I *won* that contest!" Kadaj protested, clutching after the pony tail to yank it.

"A-ha! So you *do* remember!" Reno growled, biting his neck. "Put the blame on the Turk, huh, you little brat..."

Yazoo and Loz exchanged a raised eyebrow over the two wrestling, half-naked forms in the bed and sighed, stepping out of the room. If Kadaj thought the make-up sex was worth another week of being grounded, then it was his choice.

The next day

"Reeve, you Gods-damned bastard!" A more than normally rumpled-looking Reno came running into the Shinra dining hall, causing a bit of a stir as he shoved his way over to an almost empty table. "You gave those two maniacs my home address, didn't you?!"

"Indeed I did, Reno." Reeve smiled up at the agitated Turk, sipping his soup. "They were worried for their brother. And anyway, after you set me up, I'd say it was pretty fair."

"Fair? Fair! ***I*** was hung upside-down out a fucking window by Loz, ***you*** got to screw Yazoo in the Nighthouse, how is that fair?!"

Reeve smiled pleasantly and shrugged faintly.

"Karma? The world even things out you know. It just needs some assistance once in a while." He looked up at the fuming Turk and blinked surprised. "Um, Reno? Why are you wearing a yellow phallus in your earlobe?"

Reno scratched at his ear and came away with Kadaj's navel-piercing. He gritted his teeth.

"No wonder I've been getting weird looks all day!" He swore. "Gods-damned nimble-handed Remnants!"

Reeve sipped his soup daintily.

"And you say that like it's a bad thing," he mumbled.


	17. Midgard Vacation Aftermath

Title: FB – Midgard Vacataion Aftermath  
Author: Enide Dear

Summary: Drabble

"You got a piercing?!" Vincent crossed his arms angrily. "Have you lost whatever shred of sanity you might have had? It doesn't suit you at all!"

"I like it!" Kadaj glared back. There was a red stone dangling for a silver chain in his navel. "I think piercings are very beautiful."

"Well, I think high-heeled shoes and evening dresses are beautiful, but I doubt I'd look very good in them!"

There came a small sound of Cid clearing his throat behind the newspaper where he'd ducked as soon as the discussion started.

"Actually…" the pilot said thoughtfully.

"Not now, chief!"


	18. The stupid one

Family Bliss – The stupid one

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, featuring the Remnants but no Remnantcest

Rating: Cute

Summary: Drabble

"YAAAAAAAZOOOOO!" Kadaj's angry scream could probably be heard all across Rocket Town; at least Loz had not problem overhearing his enraged sibling. "You *stole* my last lollipop!"

"I did no such thing!" Yazoo retorted angrily. "Don't blame me if you eat all your candy at once and have none left!"

This, Loz concluded to himself, was why he needed some time alone every now and then; all the yelling bouts that Kadaj and Yazoo got into these days. He scratched Kitty's head and sighed, pleased to be away from the ruckus.

"No, I didn't! I saved it, and I hid it!"

"So, maybe Loz took it? Why assume it was me?"

"Because I hid it in a really clever place; Loz wouldn't think of looking there!"

*Cutting out the inside of a book and using the space to hide your stuff, oh yes, real inventive, Kaddy…" Loz moved the lollie around his mouth with his tongue; it was strawberry flavored, his favorite. *At least I left that photo of Reno lying….too many sticky kissing marks on it.*

"Boys! Stop fightin'!" And that was captain Highwind, just in time to stop the fight before weapons were drawn. "I need yer help down here!"

"With what?" Kadaj sounded sulky, but then again, he was often sulky. He'd get over it.

"These recipes and bills fer the latest cargo shipping has ta be gone through, because something ain't right….don't ya dare pull that face at me, Kadaj!"

"But it's so boring! I hate going through things like that!"

"Yer the co-pilot so suck it up! It ain't all about flying through storms, ya know."

"But…it's sunny and warm outside. I wanted to go for a drive, maybe go swimming at the lake."

*The lake is too cold still, Kadaj.* Loz stretched out his long legs in the sunlight. *But the weather sure is perfect*

" Oh, and Yazoo, Vincent needs yer help in the kitchen."

"What? But I just did my nails!"

"Yazoo!"

"Alright…." Now Yazoo was sulking as well.

"And whoever gets done first can go cut the grass."

"That's Loz's job! Tell him to do that!" Kadaj really wasn't happy. Loz was glad he wasn't there; his little brother could be such a whiner.

"Loz is still away getting' those things from the hardware store."

"Still? He should be back by now."

"And doing his share of the work!" Yazoo added acidly.

"Don't start on him." That was Vincent, his voice hardest to make out as it was low and calm. "He can't help he's not…as bright as you are."

*Maybe I'm not.* Loz thought as he laid on his back in the fresh spring grass, looking up at the clouds drifting gently past the warm spring sun. Kitty was purring on his chest as he petted her behind the ears and the stolen lollipop was sweet. Parked some distance away was the old pick up loaded with hardware tools and thingies. It hasn't taken him half an hour to fix that, and he figured he could laze away at least another twenty minutes out here before anyone got suspicious. *I've never claimed to be.* He smiled to himself. *But just maybe I'm not quite as stupid as you think I am, either.*


	19. Lies

Family Bliss – Lies

Drabble....

"It's just that we're not humans," Kadaj explained patiently. "We're more predators than omnivores – we don't eat much vegetable. We don't need it. We're natural meat-eaters. Our bodies can't handle this much, um, fibres and vitamins."

Three pairs of hopeful reptile eyes turned towards Cid.

"That," the captain snorted and kept loading broccoli on Kadaj's plate, "was the biggest piece of crap I've ever heard in my life."

Three pairs of shoulders slumped dejected.

"I didn't even think you could lie." Vincent said. "Not even such a poor lie as that."

"I don't count as a lie," Yazoo muttered as he speared a piece of carrot and sighed, "If it's self defence."


	20. Code three

Title: FB – Code Three

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind,

Rating: silly!

Summary: What do Remnants fear?

The phone rang and Cid picked it up, weighing dangerously on the chair as he and a very bored Kadaj was going through shipping routes for the coming month.

"Yeah, this is captain Highwind…aunt Gracie! So nice ta hear from ya!" He beamed, completely missing the way Kadaj's head shot up like a hunted prey's. "What surprise? Are ya kidding? We'd be delighted ta have ya staying over a couple of days." Green cat eyes got wide with the fear of impending doom but Kadaj didn't move except for a slight nervous twitch of his eyebrow. Cid kept talking, absorbed by the conversation. "Well, it's always better ta call in advance in case we're on a job, so ya got lucky this time. In a few hours? Sounds great, auntie. See ya then."

Cid had barely flipped of the phone when Kadaj exploded into motion, jumping gracefully over the table and making the surprised captain fall swearing backwards from his chair.

"Code three!" Kadaj yelled at the top of his lounges as he ran out the front door. "Code three!"

A smattering of quick feet and Yazoo came rushing down from upstairs, looking even paler than usually and clutching the towel around his waist – his hair was still dripping water and shampoo as he ran barefoot after his brother, over the yard.

From somewhere close by Loz came running like a streak of blue lightning, oil stained and rather dirty, and joined up with his brothers in a headlong rush down the cellar.

A gaping Cid had barely time to get himself up from the floor before the storm cellar door was shut with a ***bang*** and firmly locked from inside.

"Get yer pale asses out of there!" Cid banged on the sturdy door. "What do ya think yer doin'?"

"We're not coming up until she's left!" Came Kadaj's muffled but stubborn voice from inside.

"What? Who? Aunt Gracie?" Cid asked perplexed. "What's wrong with her? She loves ya boys!"

"Exactly! She thinks we're cute!" Kadaj's pout could be heard all the way through the cellar door. "She pinches my cheeks, for Gaia's sake!"

"She tells me I'm too skinny and tries to force-feed me lard!" Yazoo agreed angrily. "Last time she put it in my tea!"

"She knits me sweaters!" Loz added testily.

"What's wrong with sweaters?"

"They have Moogle patterns! I'm not seven years old, you know!"

"Aw, come on, boys." Cid sighed. "Ya can't stay down there for days. She promised ta make ya cookies."

"They taste like drywall. ***And*** she makes us eat them. With milk!"

"Ya'll get hungry and thirsty down there, damn it!"

"No, we won't. I have prepared for this situation." Kadaj sounded smug. "There's bottled water and enough canned food down here to last us a month."

"That old stuff I stored in there for Shera during the Meteor? That's gotta be out of date years ago!"

"Still tastes better than drywall cookies!"

"Fine!" Pissed, Cid banged his fist against the door. "Be that way, ya spoiled little brats!" Swearing and fuming he stalked away, leaving a very quiet Vincent throwing concerned looks after him.

"Boys?" The glove made a hollow metallic sound on the door as he knocked gently.

"It's no use, Mr Valentine. We're not coming out until that old bat is gone." Kadaj sulked.

"There's an 'old bat' out here that could make you, you know." Vincent sighed. "Do you know why aunt Gracie is the only one of Cid's relatives who ever visits?"

"I didn't know he had any more."

"Oh, yes. The Highwind clan is huge. But…once Cid came out as gay, they all rejected him. All but Aunt Gracie." Vincent sat down next to the door so he wouldn't have to shout.

"Rejected…because he's homosexual?" That was Yazoo, sounding suspicious. "I've never heard of such thing."

"Well, when people reject you I guess it's because of the Jenova gene first, the kidnappings and so on…being gay is probably not their biggest concern with you. But trust me, that's the way it was. Almost broke Cid's heart."

"But he had you." Loz stated.

"No, this was before my time. He was pretty much alone before he met Avalanche. Rejected by his family, the Space Program failed…aunt Gracie was there for him through it all. ***That's*** why you are going to come out of that shelter, eat those damn drywall cookies and wear those itching sweaters. Because she truly loves Cid." Vincent smiled wryly. "It's not that bad, you know. She complains I'm too skinny as well, she makes me sweaters with bats on them and she pinches my cheeks. And not the ones on my face, either."

Silence from inside and then a short, muffled discussion. Vincent stood up as the cellar door slowly unlocked and opened, three rather dirty faces peeking up, set in grim determination.

"Alright then. For Cid."

"Yes, for Cid. Now do wash of before Aunt Gracie comes, I don't want to have to listen to any more tips about raising 'wild boys' than I have to. Wait, Kadaj, can I have a word?"

"What?" Kadaj gave him a wary glance.

"Code Three?" Vincent asked curious.

"Mmm. Code One is Sephiroth. Code Two is, um, Chaos."

"She made it all the way to Code Three? What about ShinRa?"

"Yeah, well, we're allowed to hit back on a ShinRa attack, right?"

"...right. Alright, hurry up. Auntie will be here in an hour or two, and she'll want to see you all in your sweaters."


	21. A Ghost Story

Family Bliss – A Ghost Story

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind

Rating: cute…unless you are scared of ghosts?

Summary: Yazoo attracts some very unwanted attention

A/N: Inspired by :iconPhantom-chics: fic .com/art/Groceries-108328704 and a nightmare I had the other night where there were ghosts in my laundry in the basement.

**

Yazoo wasn't scared of the dark, of course not.

And it wasn't the sometimes rather big spiders in the corners of the basement that made him jumpy. If anything he thought they would make better pets than those pesky cats; the spiders were quiet, cleanly, fed themselves and he had so far never been woken with a startle in the morning because a spider had decided to pounce on his toes.

Nor did he in particularly mind the chore of laundry as such; it wasn't as noisy as vacuum cleaning but didn't feel as futile as dusting.

And yet he didn't venture down into the depths of the basement where the machine stood until the entire rest of the household was nagging at him that there weren't a clean sock to be found in the house and they had had to turn their underwear outside in for a week or more.

It was dark and a bit damp down here. The naked light bulb didn't seem to cast enough light; it just enhanced the shadows, not disperse of them. Anything could be hiding down here.

He scowled at himself. It would take a pretty big 'anything' to actually harm him, and he'd faced down monsters of all kinds before without any fear.

The shadows moved.

It could be anything.

Loz and Kadaj would tease him mercilessly if the knew how his knees where shaking.

Hurrying would only lead to panic and another incident like throwing in a green sock amongst the white, making everything turn a slightly sickly shade of mako. Which had been terribly embarrassing; Yazoo didn't like it when a job done by him was anything but perfect. Since he got assigned this chore he'd spent quite some time in the store picking out the right kind of detergent, considering the pH and hardness of the water, how much it would wear the clothes, if it had a nice smell. And then he'd gone through the same procedure with the fabric softner. Kadaj had almost had a hernia of impatience and Loz had almost fallen asleep over the cart.

But if he had to do a job, then he'd make sure it was done right, and had found the perfect combination. The clothes got clean, soft and didn't get worn; it was most pleasing.

That is, when they got washed at all.

Yazoo forced himself to walk at a normal pace, deeper down into the dark and opened the machine; it was done, all he had to do now was hang it to dry and he could get out of here.

It was ridiculous, he scolded himself, behaving this way. He prided himself with being the calm, logical, reasonable one. Not one prone on melodramatic outbursts of tears and rage. There was nothing down here to be afraid of.

Something gently touched the side of his neck, brushing away the hair.

Yazoo almost jumped out of his clothes; almost dropped the basked with clean laundry. Quick as a snake, he spun around, but there where no one there. Only one person was quick enough to get away with that.

"Loz!" He hissed into the darkness. "That wasn't funny!"

But there was no tell-tale snigger coming from some corner. Loz would have never been able to be quiet.

His heart racing, Yazoo tried to calm down. It was probably just a gust of wind that had moved his own hair against his neck. Right. A gust of air in a basement. Nothing at all to be spooked about, he was calm, he was serene, he was in control of himself and Oh dear Mother something was touching his shoulder, trying to wrap around his hand…

With a scream of pure dread, Yazoo dropped the basket and ran for the stairs.

Vincent was more than a little surprised to see Yazoo come flying out of the basement at a speed usually only achieved by Loz when trying to outrun his brothers to a plate of cupcakes. He was even more concerned when the Remnant flung an arm around his waist, ducked under his arm and huddled against his back.

"Um…Yazoo?" He asked carefully.

"There's something down there!" The Remnant hissed, his voice quavering. "It was touching me! My cheek…my shoulder…my fingers…I'm not imagining things!"

Dislodging the silver-haired youth Vincent could indeed see that there were wet spots on Yazoo's face and hand. The pupils in the green eyes where so dilated they were almost round.

"Let's go find out." Vincent pulled Cerberus in one hand and took Yazoo's hand in the other, leading the reluctant Remnant downstairs.

It was pretty dark, and Yazoo's fear was contagious. Vincent found himself peering cautiously into every corner, until Yazoo squeezed his hand so hard he would have broken bones if it hadn't been the metal one.

"There! I can see it moving!" he whined.

Something did indeed move in a corner. Vincent blinked and lowered his gun.

"Yazoo…" he had to try not to laugh. "That is just Capey."

"What? Who?" Yazoo didn't really want to move any closer to the object, but Vincent pulled him along.

"My cape. It has…kind of a mind of its own." He bent down to pick up the clean but damp cloth that did move in his arms a bit, as if stirred by a breeze. "It has been known to molest Cid before."

"But what does it want with me?" Yazoo stared at the red cloak.

"Well…since you took over the laundry, it has felt very soft and clean. You spent a lot of time making sure all the components were just right for the laundry. I'm guessing…it just wanted to thank you."

"Thank me. A cloak. Thank me." Even by pretty odd Remnant standards, the situation was apparently a bit hard to grasp.

"Yes. Right, Capey?" Vincent held out his armful of cloak and Yazoo flinched as it moved. One part of the torn edge wrapped around his slim shoulder, patting him gently on the back, the other wrapped around his hand as if in a handshake.

Stunned, Yazoo shook it back.

"Um. You…are welcome." He said to the cloak which wriggled with delight and reach up to pinch his cheek.


	22. Superstition

Title: Family Bliss - Superstition

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj

Rating: um…messy…?

Dedicated to: Karasu92! Happy Birthday to come!

"Captain Highwind?" Kadaj knocked on the bedroom door.

"Go away!" Came the muffled answer from within.

"Captain? Are you alright?" Yazoo traded a worried glance with his brothers. It was almost 11 o clock and Cid wasn't known to be quite that late a sleeper.

"I'm not here, go away!" Of course, there were times when the Valenwinds locked themselves in the bedroom, but this could not be one of those, for quite obvious reasons.

"I don't know if you haven't noticed, captain," Loz said nervously, "but Mr Valentine isn't with you. He's out here, with us."

"That's his damn choice!"

"Chief? Chief!" Vincent banged on the door. "What is wrong? Are you sick? Don't make me tear the door down!"

There came some muffled swearing and then the door was opened reluctantly. Cid peered suspiciously out at the four worried faces; he was still in his boxers and huddled in the bed cloth.

"What ya' all doin' out of bed? Don't ya know what day it is taday?" He grumbled.

"Umm…Friday?" Kadaj tried, frowning.

"Yeah, but *what* Friday?" Cid insisted.

The Remnants exchanged perplexed glances. Vincent just shook his head as he realised what Cid meant.

"Very Casual Friday?" Yazoo suggested with a glance at the underwear with little planes on them.

"It's Friday the 13:th, and I ain't leavin bed until tomorrow." Cid said stubbornly.

"Really Cid, you can't be serious. It's just superstition that Friday the 13:th means bad luck." Vincent rolled his eyes.

"I know its superstition. That don't mean it ain't comin' true, ya know." He gave them all a meaningful stare. "If ya knew what was best fer ya, ya'd all follow my example."

"I'm *not* going to let you pass such bad habits to the Sephlings, Cid!" Vincent scowled. "It's just superstition. This is a day like all other, and we're not going to lazy it away."

"Suit yerselves." Cid shuffled back to bed and pulled the blankets over his head. "But keep the bandages and Cure materia close, that's all I'm sayin'."

**  
A few hours later Cid woke from his doze by familiar, if somewhat tired, steps approaching the bed and the clanking sound of Vincent dropping his shoes.

"Got room for one more there, Chief?" Vincent muttered and pulled a bit at the blanket.

"Yeah, sure. What happened?" Cid lifted the sheet and Vincent slid gratefully down on the soft bed, put his arms around Cid's neck and pressed his face against the pilot's chest.

"No questions, please. Just hold me for a while." Vincent muttered and Cid knew better than to press the issue. They lay still for a while, Cid slowly caressing the long black hair and trying to contain his curiosity as he picked out random pieces of what appeared to be chocobo feathers, cake mixture, fried egg, flower petals and a few hairs that simply looked burned from the tousled tresses.

"It started with the cupcakes," Vincent finally admitted without looking up.

"What did?" Cid frowned.

"Everything. I thought we'd make cupcakes to cheer you up." He sighed and closed his eyes. "But we didn't have any eggs. So….so I sent Loz to buy some."

"Sounds reasonable."

"It would have been if you hadn't scared him with your Bad Luck Day!" Vincent punched his chest. "He got nervous and didn't want to drive all the way to Rocket Town. So he got a brilliant idea."

"U-oh."

"Exactly. He stopped by a Chocobo farm and attempted to steal two eggs."

"Chocoboes are pretty protective of those…"

"Yes, and you know Loz, he couldn't fight an animal not even when it attacks him. I've never seen him so torn up, bloody and bruised before. And unfortunately he got the eggs."

"Why is that unfortunately?"

"Well, me and Kadaj stirred the mixture while Yazoo tried to bandage Loz up properly. And we got to the eggs, and…" Vincent groaned. "What are the odds? The first egg had a chickobo in it."

"What?"

"Loz got devastated. He'd taken it away from its Mother, after all. But…"

"I don't like where this is goin'…"

"That wasn't the biggest problem. Kadaj got so surprised he dropped it. The chickobo got scared and jumped back at him. It pecked him right on the nose." Vincent gave him a suspicious stare. "Are you laughing at this, Highwind?"

"No, no! 'Course not! What happened next?"

"Kitty happened." Vincent shook his head in disbelief. "She saw the chickobo and pounced. At the same time a very pissed off and bleeding Kadaj did. Chicoboes are *fast*, you know. It got away, and Kadaj ended up kicking Kitty."

"So that was the high-pitched screaming I heard just a bit back."

"No, I'll get to that." Vincent put his arm over his eyes as if to shield himself. "Loz got outraged and grabbed the bowl with mixture. He…turned it upside down over Kadaj's head….you *are* laughing!"

"Coughin', jest 'coughin, I swear!"

"There's mixture all over the kitchen…."

"Did Loz survive?"

"He managed to dodge Kadaj's first swing."

"Lucky for him."

"Lucky for him, bad for Yazoo. You see, Yazoo was still holding the other end of the bandages and when Loz moved that quickly, well…Yazoo flew over the kitchen table and knocked against that old dry potted plant. Which fell over. Onto the stove. And caught fire. Suddenly it was raining burning petals, most of which fell on Yazoo."

"What? Is he alright?"

"No, but not because of the fire. Apparently he's as inflammable as Sephiroth. But Capey didn't know that, and you know, it kind of likes him. I think it sees Yazoo as some sort of pet. So it wrapped itself around him to smother the flames, but maybe it panicked, because it wrapped him up like a larva in a cocoon and even Remnants have to breathe. It almost choked him to death before I could get it off, and that was just because Reno came to help me, since Kadaj was busy strangling Loz."

"Wait, when the Hell did Reno get inta the picture?"

"Oh, somewhere around that time. I was too busy trying to survive the mayhem to really notice and he's pretty sneaky when he wants to be."

"At least he helped ya out."

"I could have done without that help. That stupid Turk couldn't stop laughing at Kadaj with a red nose and cake mixture dripping down his ears until Kadaj had enough; he grabbed the first thing he could find and flung it at Reno whom, I guess, just reacted to his training. Do you know what happens when a two kilo chocobo egg gets struck with an EMR shot at very close quarters?"

"Do I want to know?"

"It explodes. Violently." Vincent said in a dead-pan voice. "Splattering the entire room, but mostly Reno, with really scrambled egg. *That* was what the screaming was about…Oh, yes, you laugh, we left the feathery, sticky, smelly mess down there for you to clean up tomorrow!"

"'S totally worth it!" Cid laughed so hard he cried. "I told ya ta stay in bed, didn't I?"

"This had nothing to do with your silly superstition! It could have happened any day! So now Loz is chasing after Kitty, Reno is chasing after Kadaj for vengeance - or maybe the other way around, I'm not sure - and Yazoo is trying to fend of a worried Capey with a dish brush."

"At least the fire is out, right?"

"Yes, that's something at least. Getting hit by undercooked egg will do that even to a happily burning begonia."

"My poor little sweetie," Cid kissed Vincent's forehead, cradling him closer, trying to suppress laughter. "Ya should have jest stayed in bed with me. Nothin' ever goes wrong in here!"

"Hmph." Vincent said unimpressed but snuggled closer. "Let's just pretend this day never happened, shall we?"

"Sure. But….jest one more thing, Vince?"

"M-hm."

"What happened ta the chicobo?"

"Either Kitty ate it, or maybe Kadaj did. Because if not…then I guess we got another pet."

"Ah, Hell no!" Cid groaned and sank back into the bed. "Not another one!"

Vincent pulled the blanket over both their heads.

"That's Friday the 13:th for you…."

Epilogue:

They returned the chicobo to the farm a few days later because it woke up everyone by warking enthusiastically to the rising sun at 5 in the morning…


	23. Loyalties part 1

Title: Family Bliss – Loyalties

Author: Enide Dear

Warning: Aaaaaaaangsty! Violence. Character Death? No humour intended

A/N: Sparked by all the comments I got on FB- Slumber Party where Kadaj refers to Reno as 'his'.

"Up against the wall and spread your legs." The voice was hoarse and desperate in Reno's ear and something hard stabbed him in the kidneys.

"If I got paid for every time I've heard that I'd be a Gods-damned whore, yo" Reno sighed even as he was pushed against the alley wall and roughly patted down in a – in his professional opinion - pretty inefficient weapon search. The EMR was found, but nothing else; weapons weren't all that common in Midgard any longer and carrying one around only attracted unwanted suspicion even amongst the dregs that the Turks dealt with. And anyway, you weren't a Turk if you couldn't rely on turning practically *anything* into an improvised weapon.

From the corner of his eye Reno could see Rude getting the same treatment by another thug and the two Turks exchanged a look. This just wouldn't do; it was a simple routine mission to establish a contact with a new up and coming illegal materia dealer and if they thought they could get away with this kind of shit towards ShinRa, then they were sadly mistaken. Respect had to be established in the usual way – quick and brutal. Rude's guy appeared to have some sort of knife – an easy object for Rude to deal with. The dark Turk gave his partner a questioning glance. *You ok to go?*

The hard object against Reno's kidney was only a problem if he let it be one; nine times out of ten those things were cell phones or a comb, Hell, it might even be the guy's pointed fingers making it the oldest trick in the world.

Reno nodded and smirked. *Sure, let's go!*

Rude moved first, easily kicking the thug's knife away and Reno spun, grabbing for his assailant's arm and weapon.

The next thing he knew was a booming sound that seemed to fill the world, his belly filling with hideous pain as things in there were *torn apart* violently and then everything, everything, everything turned black.

"Yeah, this is the Valenwinds, deliveries all over the world…yeah, this is Cid Highwind. Who is this? What ya mean it ain't important? *What?* When? Where? Is he…" Cid stared at the phone that clicked dead in his hand and felt his fingers shake as he put it back. His head felt dizzy as he turned back towards the kitchen table and the curious gazes aimed at him. "Kadaj, I need ta talk ta ya."

Kadaj shrugged.

"Whatever it is, you can say it in front of my brothers, you know." He sipped his soda, weighing on the chair and it almost broke Cid's heart that he looked so very, very young – like he deserved to do. He shouldn't have to take on any more weights. But the world wasn't fair.

"Not this time. Come on."

"It's about Reno." Cid started, sitting Kadaj down on the couch.

"If he's done something, I had nothing to do with it. I haven't even heard from him in a week." Kadaj pouted a bit. "Stupid Turk. He could have at least called."

"Reno's been shot." Cid closed his eyes and shook his head. "Um. Badly. They don't know if he's gonna make it."

Kadaj just stared. What little blood he had in his face left it. Cid continued.

"He's in the hospital. Been there for several days. ShinRa's been keepin' a lid on things as usually. Got an anonymous call…the guy didn't know much more."

A strange shiver went through Kadaj, odd twitching of the lithe body. His eyes were glazed over and unreadable as he stood up.

"I need to…" he mumbled, heading for the door out.

"No, ya don't need ta drive anywhere." Cid grabbed his elbow gently. "We'll take the Highwind."

"Yazoo and Loz…"

"Ya want them along?"

Kadaj nodded, no voice left.

"Then we're all goin'."

The hospital wasn't swarmed over with Turks lurking for protection in every corner, because Turks didn't need to do things like that. The first sign of their presence was when Vincent sniffed in the air of the long, dreary hospital corridor and frowned.

"Explosives. This place has been rigged." Neither Cid nor Remnants seemed to care about that as they hurried along, so Vincent made a sour face and followed. It wasn't as if they had much choice.

Tseng sat in an uncomfortable looking chair reading a dog-eared book, although it didn't seem as if his eyes moved over the pages even though he turned them regularly. The Head of Turks had found the nexus of a number of corridors and probably dragged the chair over there; most likely nobody at the hospital had dared argue with him. He looked up when the group approached, his fine features turning dark as he saw the Remnants. He pulled out his gun and stood up.

"No." He said simply, holding out the gun straight before him. "You can't see him."

"C'mon Tseng," Cid sighed, his hand on Kadaj's trembling shoulder – trembling with equal amounts dread and frustration. "The kid wants ta see his boyfriend, it's all."

"And I," Tseng said in a low voice, "want to keep my Turk safe. And they're not safe. I should know."

"That was…" Yazoo started to protest, but Vincent interrupted him.

"How is Reno? Tell us that, at least."

Tseng glanced at Vincent but didn't lower the gun.

"Stable. Stable but…still critical. He hasn't woken up once during the week he's been here."

"Why didn't you call us?"

"This isn't any of your business, Valentine. This is Turk business and you are not a Turk anymore."

"Let me see him." Kadaj said quietly, speaking for the first time since the phone call.

"No."

"Let me see him!" Cid had barely time to throw his arms around Kadaj and hold the thrashing body in place as the youngest Remnant suddenly exploded in fear-driven rage. Kadaj fought and snarled in the captain's grip, tossing from side to side as he tried to wrench free – not that he couldn't have thrown Cid across the room but either he wasn't willing to fight the captain sincerely even now or he was too upset to be thinking logical. "I tore you to bloody pieces before and I can do it again!" He screamed at Tseng's passive face, his eyes burning with a mako-fire strong enough to light up the corridor.

"That didn't work the last time and it's not going to do so this time, either. Your….family….has a long history of failing to kill me. And this time I come prepared." The Turk made a small but tell-tale gesture at his belt, where a trigger device blinked red. "And I will blow up myself, Reno, you, and this hospital before I end up in your hands again!" This time there was just the faintest crack in the stoic voice.

"You only survived the last time because of me," Vincent stepped between Tseng and the Remnants, keeping his red eyes on the Turk. "You owe me your life. I'm not a Turk anymore, and I had no *obligation* to save you or Elena. Let him see Reno, Tseng. You owe me."

"No. I don't trust him."

"We'll stay behind as hostages." Yazoo said suddenly and Loz nodded, both throwing worried glances at their sobbing, raging, youngest brother. "We'll do whatever you want."

"Sounds fair to me. Take these." A new voice suddenly said and the Remnants turned just in time for Loz and Yazoo to catch two small devices thrown at them. Rufus Shinra stood in the other end of the corridor, his white suit almost blending with the sterile walls. "Bombs. Put them on your collars. If Kadaj does anything…Tseng will blow your heads off. Understand?" They nodded, and clipped the small devices in place gingerly under their chins. "Good. Reno is in the third room to your left. Let him go, Tseng."

Very reluctantly, Tseng stepped away, lowering his gun and Kadaj dashed away along the corridor as Cid let him go.

"You haven't left Reno alone in there." Yazoo said, making it only half a question. "Whoever did this to Reno might return to finish the job."

"Of course not. Rude is there." Rufus watched the Remnants and their foster-parents with a cool gaze. Healed from the geostigma he was a handsome, tall man but there was tiredness over his eyes that belonged to a much older man.

The two Remnant brothers sighed with relief; anyone who took a rocket launcher at them automatically gained their respect.

"Come on." Rufus nodded at the four of them. "I'll buy you some tea and coffee. I'm not sure if the cafeteria has blood and spinal fluid or whatever those two vampires drink but as this is a hospital – and my hospital – I'm sure something can be arranged."

The Remnants stiffened and glared and Cid fisted his hands. Vincent sighed.


	24. Loyalties part 2

Title: FB – Loyalties part 2  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, impled RufusxTseng  
Rating: Angsty!

The hospital room didn't seem big enough for all the machines, but as a paradox it seemed far too big for the bed and the pale unmoving figure in it. Kadaj's legs trembled as he stepped in, his old well-learned fears for all things *medical* rising but even that was only a faint horror compared to the dread he felt for Reno. His Reno. His wild, reckless, fearless red-head. And he hadn't been there to protect Reno when he needed it. Somehow, illogical but none the less unquenchably, he knew he'd let Reno down. If he died…

There were machines everywhere, leading oxygen down to Reno's lunges through his nose, measuring his pulse and breathing, feeding him nutrients through tubes or leading away waste products. Blinking, blipping, strange machines that somehow looked like they were sucking the life out of Reno, not giving it to him, like some perverted automatic-vampires. Lying between them, Reno looked small and almost as pale as a Remnant and Kadaj had never seen him so still, not even when sleeping, not even when exhausted. Underneath the stinging, alcoholic ting of anti-bacterial cleaners, Kadaj could smell the fain odour of explosives. This room was rigged as well.

Kadaj stepped up to the bed, looking down on the unmoving figure there. Part of him only wanted to rip away the tubes, bundle up Reno in his arms and take him far away to nurse him back to health and life with pure love. But healing didn't work that way, or the world would look much, much different. He felt tears stinging his eyes and blinked them away. It wasn't fair! The world took everything from him! Everything that was his, his own!

"Reno…" he put out a finger to caress the back of Reno's hand, because it looked so fragile where it lay that he dared not hold it. It might break.

"Don't touch him!" Rude appeared out of nowhere and suddenly Kadaj was grabbed by the collar and pulled back harshly. He fell to the floor but came up in one smooth, graceful motion, snarling at the Turk looming between him and his Reno.

"He's mine!"

"He's a Turk. He's *not* yours!" Rude spat back.

It went black in front of Kadaj's eyes, the way it did when he was about to go berserk, but he fought it back. Loz and Yazoo would pay if he didn't. But the fear and anger inside him demanded he did *something*. Hissing he threw himself over Rude, tackling the bigger man to the floor with pure skill and locking his arms down with his own.

"You failed him!" He screamed into the stoic face, not an inch away. "You let him get hurt! He's my boyfriend! He's mine! Mine!"

Rude just stared up at him. When he finally spoke his voice was ladled with contempt.

"You stupid, stupid little boy." He said with almost pity in his voice. "You really believe that, don't you?"

Kadaj recoiled as if he'd been slapped.

"You think he's yours because he screwed your brains out a few times? Then half of Midgard can claim Reno's theirs! You are mission – a client – someone to keep an eye on. A ShinRa charge. And Reno belongs to ShinRa. He's a Turk. And he's *my* partner, which means a Hell of a lot more than any pretty, empty-headed little bimbo Tseng ordered him after."

"No!" But Kadaj could see if someone was lying to him, and Rude wasn't.

In the very tense silence around the cafeteria table Yazoo suddenly sat up straighter and Loz rose up, frowns marring both their faces.

"Kadaj's in trouble?" Vincent asked, dreading the answer.

"He's…"Yazoo instinctively put a hand over his heart. "I haven't felt him in so much pain since Mother left. Not physical pain," the long-haired Remnant threw a piercing glance at Rufus who didn't move. "Emotional."

"Loz, sit down before that trigger-happy Turk blows yer brains out." Cid tugged at Loz's arm but might as well have tried to move a statue.

"But Kadaj is *hurting*! And he needs us!"

"He needs ya alive. Sit down!" As Loz reluctantly did so, Cid turned to Rufus who was fiddling with a laptop. "Reno…is he…dead?"

"The monitors say no." Rufus turned the laptop so they could see the measured, unchanged pace of Reno's heart. "No change. He's still alive."

"Then what the Hell is causing Kadaj to freak out so much his brothers feel it?"

"How should I know? You know them far better than I do, thank Gaia." But Rufus' brow was also furrowed and he was throwing worried glances along the corridor.

Rude pushed Kadaj off him and got to his feet, brushing off his suit. He stared down at the Remnant with cold disdain.

"Get the Hell out of here."

"No." Kadaj shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "No, you just don't get it. You don't know him!"

"Oh, and you do?"

"He…he…" Kadaj couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"He what? He loves you?" The mocking tone in Rude's voice made Kadaj blush violently, suddenly feeling naïve and stupid. He opened his mouth to say something, but just then the machines suddenly sped up pace and a hand moved feebly over the sheets. Reno's eyes fluttered open, unfocused.

"Rude?" he whispered hoarsely. "Rude?"

Rude hurried over to the bed and gently took the wavering hand.

"I'm here, partner. Everything will be fine. I'm here." He didn't even turn around as Kadaj slowly got to his feet and closed the door behind him as he left.

Kadaj came walking along the corridor like a zombie, and Yazoo and Loz tore off their tiny bombs as soon as they saw him, running over to scoop him up in a fierce hug. Kadaj hugged back, his eyes distant and teary.

"Reno?" Vincent forced himself to ask.

"Reno is awake." Kadaj said in a dead voice. "I want to go home now. Can we go home now?"

Exchanging confused glances, Cid and Vincent nodded.

"Yeah, of course. If that's what ya want…" Cid let the sentence turn into a question, but Kadaj didn't answer, just buried his face against Yazoo's chest.

"Just please take me home."

"It seems it worked." Rufus strolled over to Tseng, who nodded and tapped his ear.

"Yes, sir. The microphone picked it all up. Better than expected, even. Reno woke up…and called for Rude."

"Really? Good. Good. Then maybe the bond between Reno and that clone wasn't as strong as we feared. But…" Rufus sighed, shaking his head. "It was just as well. And who knew when we might get a chance like this again? Might as well try to turn this disaster into something good. Rude reacted as expected then?"

"Yes sir. And if you don't mind, sir, if Reno's awake…"

"Of course. Go to him. I'll join you. After all, ShinRa takes care of their own."

The two executives exchanged a long look of understanding. *And we won't let that Remnant conflict Reno's loyalties or put him in unnecessary danger.* In a rare show of affection, Rufus reached out and slid his fingers through Tseng's long, silky hair, gently caressing the side of his jaw. Few people actually knew what the Remnants had done to Tseng and Elena, but Rufus was one of them. He put his arm around Tseng's waist as they walked along to Reno's room.

"Figured out who called them yet?"

"No. But it's just a matter of time."

TBC


	25. Loyalties part 3

Kadaj went through the following weeks like a ghost. He ate and slept and did his chores when told, but whatever spark he had always had seemed to have died. There were no violent outbursts or protests, no sudden sparks of genius, no games to play with his brothers. The change was frightening. Kadaj was many things; energetic, uncontrollable, manic, happy, psychotic, loving, neurotic, dangerous, inspired, giggling, depressed, bored senseless or absorbed by some new thing – most often all of it, in one single day. But he was never listless.

And to make things worse, the energy he now didn't use seemed to rebound to his brothers who wasn't used to the sudden mood swings that gripped them and couldn't even control them to the extent that Kadaj had.

Yazoo got frantic and could step up in the middle of the night to start making pancakes just to throw them all away when they were done, claiming they were making him fat or burst out crying inconsolable because he'd missed watching some stupid game show at nine.

Loz scratched an itch he didn't have on his underarms until they bled and showered for hours, washed his hands until they were raw and red, claiming he felt dirty all the time and that he was afraid there were bugs under his skin.

Both of them got into a fight over a sock that was either lost in the washing machine or possibly eaten by Kitty that lasted for hours and didn't end until Loz lost his temper completely and hit Yazoo square in the face, hard enough to split his lip.

Outraged, Yazoo took his things and moved to one of the sheds and refused to come back even after Loz sat outside the door and begged him for forgiveness for hours.

Which meant that now none of the Remnants could get any sleep either, which didn't make things easier on anyone.

Kadaj watched it all with dead eyes but didn't interfere.

Cid and Vincent sat on the porch one morning trying not to listen to Loz whining uselessly outside Yazoo's shed in the backyard. Kadaj was sitting next to them, swinging his legs and staring at nothing when a car drove up to the yard.

Cid's eyes lit up when Reeve stepped out, waving a hand whiles he held a cat-transport cage in another. Vincent's eyes narrowed. Kadaj didn't even look up.

"Reeve!" Cid got up to greet him. "So nice ta see ya. How are ya?"

"Fine, fine, Highwind." Revee smiled. "I heard you were going through some rough times, so I thought I'd come out to see if I can be of any help."

"Yer a lifesaver, Reeve. Trust me, a change of pace is jest what we need here. Right, Kadaj?"

Kadaj got up, without looking at Reeve.

"Nice to see you. Mind if I take a walk?" He said, not waiting for an answer before he started to walk slowly across the yard, not really towards anything so much as away from the farm. Cid scowled after him, but shrugged.

"Ah, well. Yazoo will be happy ta see ya. And Loz will be delighted ta see Kitty's kitty again."

"Princess. I named him Princess." Reeve stared after Kadaj, but looked away.

"Ya named ***him*** Princess?" Cid asked confused.

Smiling wanly Reeve held up the box, showing a silver-grey feline reclining on a soft pillow and yawning, blinking at them with green eyes as it stretched with lazy grace. It somehow seemed to ooze vanity.

"It seemed fitting."

Cid snorted a laugh.

"I'll go get the boys. Sit down and have some tea."

Vincent looked up at Reeve when they were left alone, red eyes disquietingly piercing.

"So where is Reno?"

Reeve recoiled.

"How should I know?" he defended himself.

"Please, Reeve. I'm not a Turk anymore but I can spot a distraction when I see one and you and Princess are just that. Probably a good idea, to. I couldn't say what Loz or Yazoo would do now if they saw Reno but I'm guessing it would be pretty terminal."

Reeve blushed, petting the cat that gracefully let him.

"He made it sound like a good idea." He sighed. "I should have known better than listening to Reno."

"Oh, no." Vincent folded the paper he was reading, neatly, and put it down on the table. "It is a good idea. Whatever happened between them, Kadaj and Reno need to sort it out. Because when Kadaj is miserable, his brothers are to. And when they're down, so is Cid. And when Cid's unhappy, I am to. And when I'm unhappy….there is Chaos. Literally. And you can tell that to Rufus, because I know he's behind this, somehow. He always is."

"Rufus isn't involved in this." Reeve sat down, petting Princess's ears. "Well, he might be from the start, but not in this, not in me being here. I'm doing this for a friend, even though it's a sometimes very annoying friend." He looked up. "Just as I made an anonymous phone call, a few weeks ago."

"It was you?"

"Who else? I didn't mean for it to turn out like this though."

Kadaj had found a spot on a low hill far enough away from the farm that he'd be left alone, and yet he could hear the sound of someone approaching. He didn't look up, his arms resting on his knees and his forehead on his elbows, hiding his face. He didn't have the energy to drive anyone away but if he just ignored them, they would eventually leave him alone.

"Kaddy?" The voice said, sitting down next to him. Kadaj stiffened, every muscle in his body seeming to freeze. "Hey, Kaddy. I survived."

Kadaj's thoughts raced this way and that but he didn't move. Emotions crashed over him like a tidal wave, sweeping away the comfortable numbness that had enveloped him for so long. It was almost frightening to feel this strongly again.

"Yeah, Tseng sent me on vacation once I got out of that hospital until I've recovered completely. So what you say? Wanna go to Costa del Sol with me?"

If Reno had touched him, Kadaj would probably have killed him. But instead he could hear Reno lighting a cigarette and lying down in the grass next to where he sat.

"No? Icicle Inn's more your place, I guess. Mine to. The beach and sun is all good and stuff, but having nothing to do all day drives me nuts. We can go skiing and drink warm chocolate with rum and screw on a chocobo rug in front of the fire…."

"I'm a ShinRa laughing stock." Kadaj didn't look up.

"What?" Reno sat up on his elbows.

"Everywhere I go, everything I do. ShinRa is there. Stopping me. Thwarting me. Outsmarting me. Manipulating me. Laughing at me."

Reno lay down again.

"Trust me, laughing is the last thing anyone in ShinRa does when it comes to you and your brothers. Rufus ain't doing what he's doing for fun, you know. He and Tseng spends a perverted amount of time thinking about you guys, but they sure as Hell ain't laughing when they do so."

Kadaj shrugged faintly. He really just wanted Reno to go away and never come back. It felt like he would simply explode from contrary emotions when the Turk was here and he didn't want that; the dead numbness had been so much easier to handle, a sort of void where neither past nor future had existed and the now had been all grey and flat.

"Kaddy…"

"Don't call me that."

"…they told me what happened at the hospital."

Kadaj didn't answer. His face was burning with shame and his eyes where overflowing; he was glad Reno couldn't see it.

"I'm a Turk, you know." Reno sighed. "I'll always be a Turk. Hell, it's the only thing I know how to do." Reno blew out a smoke ring. "It will kill me one day, of course, but until that day, yeah, I belong with ShinRa body and soul."

Silver hair flew in the wind as Kadaj shook his head. Perversely, he was relieved Reno told him the truth straight out. This way it would be much easier just to hate him.

"Just like you do with your brothers."

Kadaj's head whipped around, eyes flaring. Pale cheeks where flushed with anger and streaked with falling tears.

"It's not the same thing!"

"Yeah, it is. It is to me. ShinRa is my family. They're the family I ***chose*** and I love 'em, even when Tseng's a prick and Rufus a meddling bastard and Rude…kind of overreacts." Reno closed his eyes. "Don't tell me you don't know what it's like to mess things up epically 'cause you want to help someone you love."

For the first time in weeks Kadaj looked at Reno. The Turk looked pale and tired, there were still bandages showing where his shirt hitched up over his hips and his breath was a bit laboured. ***Going skiing. Sure. You'd fall over in a ****snowpile**** and not be able to get up.*** Kadaj shook away that irrelevant thought.

"You look like Hell."

"I feel like it to." Reno cracked an eye open. "But at least I'm alive to feel that way, right?"

"You deserve to feel like Hell. Go away. Go to Midgard or wherever. Don't ever come near me again."

Reno looked hurt.

"Why?"

"Because I'm not going to be your fucking Turk mission anymore!" Suddenly he was on his feet, screaming. "I'm not going to be used by you anymore! Must have been a great mission – your spying on us as a job came with the added advantage of getting to screw me! I trusted you! I hate you!" He tried to storm away, but Reno grabbed his ankle.

"Please, don't leave!" he coughed in pain as Kadaj tugged himself free. "That really what you think about me?"

"I though….I used to think you were mine." Kadaj stared down at the Turk by his feet. "But you're not."

"Damn right, I'm not! Hell, Kaddy, how young are you?" Reno's eyes blazed with anger. "I ain't 'yours', I ain't ShinRa's, I ain't some possession for anyone to own. I belong to myself!" He sat up, throwing the cig away. "I could leave ShinRa – but I don't want to. I could stop being your boyfriend – but I don't want to. Get it? It's my damn free choice!"

"You chose Rude! I was there! I heard you!"

"Yeah, and if you'd been dying you'd call out for Yazoo. Or Loz. I've known you – what? Half a year? Feels like I've known Rude all my life. I ***knew*** he'd be there, if he was still alive. Sure, you were a mission at first and I never made any secret out of that. You knew it. You all knew it! But…as a Turk it was my job. But as myself…I started to love it. You. Started to love you."

Kadaj glared down at him, feeling like he wanted to kick the Turk's teeth out.

"This isn't love," he spat. "Love is trusting. Love is easy! And safe! Like Cid and Vincent!"

"Oh, yeah? Ask them sometime. Ask them how easy it was when they met and how easy it is now to live with either a paranoid manodepressed demon-explosion waiting to happen or a chain-smoking, restless pilot with some serious anger management problems and all the social graces of a warthog." Reno shook his head. "For that matter, how easy is it for you to love your brothers all the time? I don't know much about love, that's true. But easy and safe? No, I don't think so." Reno watched Kadaj slump down on the grass again and very, very gently touched his arm. "But sometimes it's worth fighting for."

"I don't know if I trust you. If I can ever trust you. I don't know what I feel about you anymore!" But Kadaj didn't remove the hand caressing his arm.

"I know. But it's not really fair, you know. It wasn't me saying those things and hurting you." Reno moved a little closer.

"It was your…" he almost spat it, "family."

"Yeah, but I don't hold you responsible for the time Yazoo grabbed my ass. Or the time Loz held me out the window. Or even that extremely long and very boring lecture Vincent gave me about safe sex." Reno snorted. "At least Cid only gave me his two cents about the poor quality of lube these days."

Kadaj giggled and the caught himself, slamming his palm over his mouth.

"Bastard," he muttered, touching Reno's hair and pulling it out of his face. They were lying in the grass now, he realised, pretty close and face to face. He felt tired, exhausted, still hurting, old, and very very faintly hopeful even though he couldn't say why. But he felt again. "I don't trust you."

"I know."

"I don't even think I like you anymore."

"I know."

"But…" he sighed, just a bit dramatic, "I suppose I do love you. Stupid Turk. Golden Saucer."

"What?"

"Golden Saucer. You asked me, before. Where I wanted to go on vacation. I want to go to the Golden Saucer."

"O-kay." Reno cocked his head. "Why there?"

Kadaj smiled.

"I feel like taking some risks."


	26. Trust part 1

Title: FB – Trust I  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Not telling  
Rating: Nakedness and then some  
A/N: I am going somewhere with this, I promise…

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, what the Hell is going on?" The towel around Reno's waist threatened to fall off and he hitched it up with one hand, trying to keep the shampoo from falling down his eyes with the other whiles balancing his EMR at the same time. Preferably without electrocuting himself– electric weapons were all cool, but they weren't such a great idea when you were sopping wet from the shower.

Still, he wasn't about to open the door unarmed. Sure, he was on vacation and tomorrow he and Kadaj were going to the Golden Saucer, but things like that never seemed to deter people who wanted to kill him. And Kadaj would be really disappointed if he got himself shot again.

"What the fuck?" he frowned as he peered out and then opened the door with a bit more force than necessary. "Yazoo, what are you doing here?"

The long-haired Remnant smiled and finally let go of the doorbell. The silence after the insistent ringing was almost deafening.

"I'm on my way to Reeve's. Kadaj wanted me to stop by and give you something first." He glanced up at the crown of shampoo running down Reno's neck and cocked an eyebrow. "It can wait until you're done, though."

Reno scowled but his curiosity won out.

"Alright, get in. Make yourself some coffee or whatever. Just don't eat all the pretzels, I want some for breakfast tomorrow, yo."

"And to think Vincent complains about my peanut butter and jam sandwiches," Yazoo smiled as Reno ushered him into the messy apartment. "Hurry up, will you? I don't have all night."

Reno muttered something under his breath but scurried away. In the shower he turned up the hot water again and started to rinse out the shampoo. *Kaddy sent me something? Does that mean he's forgiven me? Not that I did anything wrong…*

"Hmmm….let me help you with that." Reno jumped high at the sudden voice and even more when long, delicate fingers reached up to pull through his hair.

"Yazoo?" He couldn't think of anything else to say as the Remnant moved closer, naked, wet and smiling with obvious, slightly wicked intent. "I…you…what the Hell are you doing, yo?" Reno tried to back away, but it really wasn't that big a shower.

Yazoo looked up at him under long eyelashes, and Reno felt his mouth go dry. Despite himself his glance slid down, over the long, lithe body with its perfect curves, hips that were made to grab on to, the small dusky-pink nipples that seemed to beg to be teased and rubbed. Yazoo's hand slid down over Reno's chest as the Remnant leaned closer, his body like Kadaj's just a bit colder than a human's despite the running hot water.

Kadaj.

"I said, what the Hell are you doing?" Reno grabbed his wrists and pushed him away; Yazoo didn't fight it as he was caught between the Turk and the bathroom wall and Reno realized his treacherous body was reacting to the closeness, the smooth skin and the pliant body.

"You know what I am doing." Yazoo smiled and his long leg slid up Reno's, wrapping around his waist, rubbing their groins together.

Blood rushed through Reno's head; Kadaj wasn't like this at all. Where Kadaj was playful and demanding and a bit vicious, Yazoo was all sweet, dark seduction. Perversely it made Reno wonder what Loz was like. *Remnants. Collect them all and get a free Sephiroth-approval badge and a lifetime membership in Jenova Junkies.* He shook away the irrelevant thought.

"Kadaj won't know." Yazoo shrugged as if he could read Reno's mind. "We share emotions, not thoughts. He'll probably think I'm with Reeve." His voice lowered as did his gaze and he smiled again at the effect he was having on the Turk. "It's just sex."

*Yeah….* Normally, Reno wouldn't think twice about screwing some pretty, sexy thing against a bathroom wall, or in some alley, or wherever. And Yazoo was *very* sexy and easy in a way that Reno recognized; the same way he himself was. And it was just sex, it didn't mean anything beyond the moment, not to him, never had….

But it did to Kadaj.

"No. Get out." His voice was hoarse, but he pushed Yazoo away. The long haired Remnant blinked, but caught his balance.

"Are you sure…." He said sulkily.

"Get the Hell out of my shower!" Reno resisted the urge to push him.

"Congratulations. You passed the stupid test." Lifting his chin high, Yazoo stepped out of the shower.

"Wait, what test?" Reno poked his head out after the Remnant, and was shocked to see Kadaj leaning against the bathroom door, clapping his hands together ironically.

"My test, Turkey boy." The youngest Remnant smiled. "I needed to know."

"Needed to know what?"

"If you could be trusted, of course."

"You little gnat!" Reno screamed outraged.

"Sorry to interrupt your lovely little pillow talk," Yazoo had thrown on his clothes again and was pulling his hands through his hair to dry it. "But do you know where Loz is, Kadaj?"

"At 7:th Heaven, I think. Moping and drinking beer. He didn't like this idea at all. Are you going to find him?"

"I'm going to *avoid* him." Yazoo's eyes got a hard glint. "He hit me!"

"That was a week ago, Yazoo. You still haven't got over that?" Kadaj rolled his eyes.

"Screw that!" Reno interrupted, feeling the conversation was shifting focus a bit too much. "You –" he pointed at Yazoo "- get the Hell out of my apartment, and you –" he glowered at Kadaj "-if this was some kind of stupid payback, then it's done, right? So get your clothes off and get your scrawny ass in here."

Kadaj exchanged a look with Yazoo, and the Remnant leader nodded.

"Thanks for the help, Yazzie. Now get lost; I'll see you when we get back, in a week or so."

"So nice to be appreciated." Pouting, Yazoo slammed the door shut after him, leaving the two alone.

Kadaj quickly slid out of his clothes and into the shower, where Reno slammed him against the wall, his green eyes glowing.

"Trust, huh? You wanted to see if you can trust me?" He grabbed Kadaj's slimmer wrists and held them over the Remnant's head with one hand, the other sliding down the lithe body which shivered at the attention. Kadaj's eyes burned with lust, but he didn't fight Reno. "Well, tonight you're going to find out…"

Yazoo lowered himself gracefully onto the small windowsill outside Reeve's bedroom. The apartment was dark and quiet, but then again it was in the middle of night now. Reeve was probably sleeping.

He opened the window and let himself in without a sound except the hissing and sudden flash of green eyes as Princess scurried away. Good. He had enough with stupid cats at home.

Remnant eyes adjusted quickly to the dark and Yazoo smiled and pulled of his slightly damp shirt. Reeve was sleeping, the covers rumpled around his waist and Yazoo felt his pulse speed up on familiar, delicious excitement. He crawled into bed on hands and knees, trapping Reeve between his arms and legs.

"Wakey, wakey…." He purred, rubbing his face against the odd beard.

Reeve woke with a startle and suddenly terrified eyes locked on Yazoo's. The Remnant frowned. It wasn't like Reeve to get *that* frightened by his appearance.

"Yazoo, what are you doing here?" Reeve hissed, trying in panic to pull up his covers.

"What do you think?" he smiled, easily holding down the covers.

"I…I called you! Twenty times or more!" Reeve was throwing glances over Yazoo's shoulder. "I left you messages!"

"You were stammering too much and you weren't saying anything nice so I lost patience." *And anyway, talk is not what I want from you.* No, what he wanted now – what he *needed* now – was to forget everything for a time, to let himself drown in the sensations of skin against skin.

"You have to leave, Yazoo." Reeve didn't look at him, didn't meet his eyes. "I tried to explain…please, for you own sake, just leave!"

"Something is wrong." Yazoo sat up, staring down at the flustered little engineer. "Tell me…" the last words choked as a deadly grip closed around his neck, brutally pulling him away from Reeve. Yazoo scrambled for purchase, but the grip tightened, threatening to close of his larynx forever. He froze as the cold muzzle of a gun pushed against his temple.

"Do you want to bet if I can pull the trigger before your brothers show up?" A familiar and much unwanted hard voice said into his ear.

Yazoo didn't dare to move, didn't dare do anything that could provoke Tseng further; even had he had Velvet Nightmare with him - and the Valenwinds had forbidden weapons unless strictly necessary - a throat grip and a gun to your head was nothing you got out of on your own. *Oh, this is bad, very, very bad…Loz, I really need you right now!* But his brothers were too far away to make any difference, should they even know the danger he was in.

"Tseng, please…let him go." Reeve fumbled for the light and Yazoo realised that the Head of Turks were as naked as Reeve. "He hasn't done anything."

"I wouldn't say that." Tseng's grip tightened and Yazoo choked a bit. "He's done quite enough to warrant death, apart from harassing my boyfriend."

*Very, very bad…*

"I…apologise." He managed; his head was swirling with lack of air now.

"For what? Kidnappings? Torture?" The muzzle against his temple pressed so hard; illogically Yazoo wondered how he would explain the bruise to Loz.

"No….didn't know…you two were an item…apologise…"

The grip loosened, just a fraction.

"You're an honest psycho, at least. I'm going to give you an ultimatum, Remnant. Maybe I can't keep Kadaj away from Reno, but I *can* keep you away from Reeve. And you will give me your word you will stay away!" He could almost hear Tseng's sneer. "Or are you going to tell me you love him as well?"

"No." The though almost made Yazoo giggle, despite the situation, but it came out more like a sob. "No, I don't love him. I will stay away."

"Good." The grip loosened and Yazoo fell forward, coughing for breath even as he scrambled for the window. There were tears in his eyes clouding his vision, though he couldn't quite say why there were there. *Don't cry Yazoo.* The words echoed in his head with an almost taunting undertone. He was vaguely aware that Reeve was saying something but he didn't much care:

"I'm sorry, Yazoo, I tried to tell you…" But Yazoo was already out the window, hurrying away over the rooftops.

He was halfway across Midgard before he stopped and huddled together in a corner of a rooftop, somewhat protected fro the wind behind an exhaust pipe. He had forgotten the shirt at Reeve's – he'd have to steal a new one somewhere, he guessed. The cold outside wasn't as bad as the one inside, anyway. Throwing his arms around himself, Yazoo tentatively reached out for his brothers.

Kadaj hadn't noticed anything wrong – he was…busy, with Reno. And he'd always been the one of them who could easiest shut out the others' emotions, perhaps because his own were so dominant or perhaps because he just didn't care.

Which left Loz. Yazoo didn't want to know what his eldest brother was feeling, but he was desperately lonely and upset and he needed *something* to hold on to. *Reno, Kadaj, Reeve, Tseng…seems no one wants me around.* Loz emotions were a bit muzzled with beer, but he was feeling down and depressed and alone – sulking, Kadaj had said, but it was much more than that. And he was a bit worried, over Yazoo. He must have picked up the fear and dread, but as it was gone now he didn't know what to do. *As usually* Normally, he'd probably come looking for Yazoo, but Yazoo had been pushing him away lately and he didn't want to interfere. Yazoo could picture him, sitting alone because no one dared sit with him at some table at 7:th Heaven, drinking beer and pulling his hands through his hair, trying to figure out what to do.

And Yazoo ached to go to him. He knew that Loz would be delighted to see him, he knew that he'd be more than welcome to snuggle up in those strong arms and feel warm and protected and wanted again. Loz would listen to everything he had to say and stroke his hair and promise to beat up Tseng or Reeve for him, or Reno for that matter, but unable to hide his secret delight that Yazoo was there with him. It would be so *nice* just to hear it and to sit there and ignore all the bad things in his life for a while.

But he couldn't. He just couldn't. Because right now Loz was the worse thing in his life and since he knew Loz could never be strong in that way, he had to be so for the both of them.

So he sat alone and waited for dawn, trying to pretend to himself that he was shaking because of the cold.

TBC


	27. Trust part 2

Title: FB – Trust II of II

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Not telling

Rating: Kissing and a new pairing!

A/N: To GreatUFO for infinite patience ;)

Cid was usually the first one up in the morning in the extended Valenwind household – at least whenever a morning-snuggle wasn't in the process – and if it wasn't him, then it was Kadaj who were too restless to stay in bed. So Cid was a bit surprised when he got down one morning and the lights were on in the kitchen, along with the gentle sound of clinking china; Kadaj and Reno were still at the Golden Saucer or at least had been last night when a giggling and pretty tipsy Kadaj had called in to say that everything was alright and that he had had *no idea* Reno looked so good as a princess. Cid was rather glad he had no idea what the kid was talking about, but at least it sounded as if they had fun.

"Loz, yer up early." Cid yawned and put the tea kettle on. "What's that about?" He nodded at the tray the eldest Remnant was preparing; coffee and waffles with jam, sliced fruit and even a small vase with a non-flowering twig in it.

"It's for Yazoo." Loz was still in his pyjama pants with an apron over. His short hair spiked everywhere as if he'd just gotten up. "I wanted to apologise. You know, for hitting him."

"Haven't ya done that already? Like a hundred times?" Cid started looking through the cupboard after tea; how was it that he was the only one in this house that drank tea, and yet he always ran out of it? He didn't drink that much tea, damn it! Kitty must be stealing them.

"Yes," Loz sighed, "but it doesn't seem to help. He's still mad at me. I don't know what to do."

"Let him sulk. It wasn't yer fault, ya know. The both of ya were acting weird after Kadaj freaked over Reno." Triumphantly, Cid fished out a wrinkly tea bag from the bottom of a drawer. "Ah, fuck, it's strawberry flavoured! Who bought this stuff anyway and where's my God damn *real* tea? Do cats eat tea?"

"Um, no, I don't think so." Loz gave him a wary glance and sprinkled sugar on the waffles. "I just don't want Yazoo mad at me." He added quietly. "I just want him to be happy."

"Good luck ta ya. Or we could invite Reeve again, that usually cheers yer brother up." Cid had tossed away the offensive tea and was poking through the packages of coffee, so he completely missed the way Loz suddenly got stiff. "Does this stuff taste as foul as it smells?"

"See you later, captain."

Cid had managed to find a bag of Earl Shinra at last and was just sitting down to drink it when the yelling started. Surprised, he looked up just as Yazoo came storming down the stairs, anger crackling at every step and a bewildered and teary-eyed Loz at his heels.

"You know I hate blueberry jam! I hate it!" Yazoo screamed, making Loz's face blush red. "Keep your stupid waffles!"

"I'm sorry, Yazoo, I'm…" The door was slammed shut in Loz's face as Yazoo hurried outside and threw himself on his bike, speeding off.

"What's happening…" a morning-grumpy Vincent came down the stairs just in time to be pushed aside as Loz ran back for his room.

"I just keep screwing up everything, don't I?" The Remnant cried as he ran for his room.

Vincent sat down by the kitchen table, pulling his hands through his long, rumpled hair.

"Are those two getting weirder, or is it just that compared to Kadaj they usually seemed normal?"

"I don't know. Something strange is going on here."

Yazoo returned a few hours later but kept ignoring his brother or scalding snapping him off whenever Loz tried to make nice. His ice cold behaviour lasted all the way into the bedroom; when passing by the room late that night Vincent picked up snatches of sleepy conversation:

"Can't you ***be still***? I'm trying to sleep." Yazoo snapped.

"I'm sorry, I just thought…it's cold and you usually warm your feet on me." Loz mumbled crestfallen.

"Don't touch me!"

"I won't, I won't!"

The silence that followed was almost deafening.

"I wish Kadaj was here." Yazoo finally said.

"Yeah, me to. It's just so damn hard sleeping without him."

"I wish Kadaj was here instead of you."

In the new silence, the small sound of muffled crying could be heard. Vincent walked away quietly, his brow furrowed. The Remnants didn't lie, but that didn't necessarily mean that what they said was easily interpreted. And with the strange way they had both been behaving….

*Chaos?* Vincent didn't like having to resort to the demon, bur for some things its opinions were priceless. *Am I misreading all of this?*

There came a mental snort from the demon.

*Misreading? How could it possibly be any clearer?*

*But they are...clones. They are basically the same person!*

*So? Sephiroth was very vain, wasn't he? I bet when he was jerking off he brought out a mirror and...*

Vincent quickly shut out the demon before the mental image got scorched to his brain forever.

"Cid, I need to talk to you about something." Vincent crawled up in the couch next to his husband. "About Loz and Yazoo."

Stunned, Cid listened to Vincent's theory.

"Are ya sure?"

"Pretty sure. Um." Vincent blushed a bit. "Especially Yazoo's behaviour is…embarrassingly familiar. Chaos confirms it by pheromone smells, and that demon is nothing but dirty gossip."

"Damn."

The next day, Vincent and Cid waited until the two Sephlings – one looking puffy-eyed and the other radiating as much chill as an ice queen – had barely finished their breakfast before Cid and Vincent exchanged a look and said:

"Can I talk ta ya, Loz?"

"I need a word, Yazoo."

A bit wary the Remnants split up and followed.

"So." Cid led Loz out on the green hillock just behind the farm. "How long have ya loved Yazoo?"

"All my life, of course. He's my brother." Loz sat down on the grass and Cid had to hand it to him; he hadn't expected such a quick, true and yet completely wrong answer. But Cid wasn't about to take any bullshit.

"That ain't what I meant, and ya know it."

With a sigh, Loz lay down on the grass and pressed his hands over his eyes.

"I know. It's all wrong. I'm all wrong! He'd my brother! I shouldn't…and anyway, he hates me now."

"Really?" Cid sat down as well.

"He's afraid of me. I feel it." Loz made a gesture over his heart to indicate the shared emotions of the three. "He's…confused and angry and annoyed. But mostly frightened. It grows worse when I'm around, so it must be because of me. I don't know what to do!"

"Hm. Does he know how ya feel?"

"He knows I feel love and, um….other things I feel. I hope he doesn't know it's him causing me to feel that way." Loz suddenly sat up, even paler with fear than usually. "Do you think he knows? He must think I'm sick! I am sick! That's why he's so afraid of me!"

"Calm down a bit." Cid sighed. "I don't think Yazoo hates ya. Have ya ever tried tellin' him how ya feel?"

"No. I…can think of all these pretty things to tell him, and they sound so great in my head, but once my mouth gets involved it all comes out wrong. Maybe there's something wrong with the connection between my brain and my mouth. Or maybe just my brain, and that's it."

"Yer selling yer self ta short, I think. Tell him, that's my advice."

Loz stared at him.

"You are taking this so calmly. Aren't you upset, or anything? I mean, we're clones – brothers. It's not normal, is it?"

Cid grinned.

"What, yer asking me? Who married a guy with four demons in his head? I doubt I'm the right person ta answer that question, but let me tell ya….normal ain't all it's cracked up ta be."

"So you won't…throw us out?"

"Look, we wanted ya here despite tryin' ta take over the world, right? In comparison, I'd say fallin' in love is pretty mild."

"I haven't done anything," Yazoo paced the floor. "It's his fault. He hit me! And he's big and annoying and keeps ***looking*** at me like a sad kitten. I haven't even done anything!"

"There's no need to get so defensive," Vincent said, mildly amused. "But then I guess you know what I wanted to talk to you about."

"I'm not defensive!" Yazoo screamed.

"You are afraid." Vincent didn't back off. "And not of him hitting you again."

Yazoo's eyes narrowed and he stopped his restless pacing; leaning against a wall opposite Vincent he pulled his usual calm and composed pose over himself, but his eyes were flickering.

"Afraid of Loz? That's ridiculous."

"Afraid of yourself." Now Vincent did look away, a far off glance in his eyes. "Afraid of what you are feeling, that it would be wrong, that you could never live up to his expectations but end up hurting him….that's why you are trying to drive him away. Better to hurt him a little now than a lot later, right?"

Vincent smiled as he looked back on the gaping Remnant.

"Please, Yazoo. I recognize it because I've been there myself. Me and Cid."

"No." Yazoo shook his head, his fair face flushed. "You don't understand. You don't know…what I've done."

"True, but I bet Loz knows. It doesn't seem to matter to him. Or maybe it does, and he loves you more for it."

"He's stupid! He's a simpleton!"

"No, he's not. And he loves you."

"Stop saying that!"

"And you love him." Vincent stood up. "Loz has done everything he can. Now it's all up to you, Yazoo."

Yazoo walked slowly up to where Loz was sitting under a tree, a purring kitten in his arms. The long-haired Remnant felt awkward and, if he was to be honest with himself, frightened. A weird, gut-wrenching fear.

The kitten – the one he'd named Target – hissed when it saw him and ran away as Loz turned around, surprised. A small blush crept up under the sideburns.

"Oh, hi Yazzie. Um. I'm sorry I hit you."

"I know." Yazoo sat down next to him, staring at the grass at his feet. Was his heart supposed to beat this fast? "I'm sorry to. I haven't been fair to you these last days – weeks, really."

"It's not..." Loz started but Yazoo interrupted him, the words blurting out.

"I'm afraid." Before he could say anything else, he felt strong arms around him, leaning him onto a broad chest. And n that familiar, warm, perfect embrace, Yazoo felt all his fears melt away.

"Is it ShinRa? Tseng? Whatever it is, I'll make it go away, I promise." Loz swore in his ear, holding him tighter.

"No...it's nothing like that." Green eyes that always seemed to know just how he felt and cared so much looked down into his. For a second Yazoo wondered how he could have ever been afraid. It was *Loz*. It was just meant to be. He took a hold of the strong neck and pulled Loz's unresisting face down to his own. "It's just...this."

And he kissed him.

At the Golden Saucer, Kadaj stopped dead in his tracks with such suddenness that Reno almost tripped over him.

"What? What's wrong?" The Turk asked as Kadaj stared into thin air.

Kadaj smiled, still unfocused.

"Well. That was about time."

Epilogue

"Dear Mother, that's huge!" Yazoo's surprised shout made both Valenwinds look up from the breakfast table, blushing slightly.

"For fuck's sake…." Grumbling, Cid opened the door out. "Kids! Not in the damn yard….Holy Hell!"

Vincent got to his feet and hurried over as a stunned Cid stumbled towards the doorpost, grabbing on to his husband for support as the cig fell out of his mouth.

"Cid? Are you alright? What's wrong?" Vincent helped the pilot sit down on the porch, the blue eyes huge.

"Yeah, yeah….jest need ta sit down for a minute here…"

Bewildered, Vincent looked out on the yard – and recoiled.

A pole – no, a ***tree*** peeled free of branches and pointed in the upper end – was driven into the green grass, easily as tall as the house or more. And impaled on it was the biggest Midgard Zolom Vincent had ever seen, the enormous monster snake's scales glittering in the sunlight, its blind eyes staring dead around the point of the pole sticking up through its head. The carcass was draped around the pole in rather aesthetic coils and a delighted and excited Yazoo was walking around it, touching the smooth scales and measuring the long coils with obvious admiration. Loz, splattered with mud and blood, was anxiously looking on.

"What is that?" Vincent hurried over to them.

Loz shrugged, his eyes never leaving Yazoo's examination.

"It's a Zolom." He mumbled.

"I can see that! And smell it! But what is it for?"

"I love it!" Yazoo came running and threw himself around Loz's neck, his green eyes shining with love. "It's beautiful! Magnificent! It's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Really?" Relieved and happy, Loz hugged back. "Really, really?"

"Yes, really, silly!" Yazoo smiled back.

"Loz! Yazoo!" A not very amused Cid came walking over the yard. "Why the Hell is there a dead zolom in the garden?"

"It's a…a traditional wooing gift in out family." Loz said awkwardly, trying to explain.

"A Gods-damned zolom?" Cid stared up at the monster snake. "There's something stuck in its teeth."

"It's, um, a box of chocolate. I didn't want to look too old-fashioned and Yazzie likes chocolate…"

"Didn't Tifa say something about Sephiroth leaving a dead impaled zolom waiting for Cloud once? Before we joined the team?" Vincent mumbled to Cid.

"Yeah, she said Cloud never wanted ta discuss that…"

"A zolom!" All four turned at the sound of Kadaj's excited voice; none of them had noticed the ShinRa helicopter landing. The youngest Remnant came running towards them, pulling a slack-jawed Reno with him. "Well, well. Once you two decides to do something on your own, at least you do it properly." He grinned, eyes shining with excitement.

"It's beautiful," Yazoo said proudly, still cradled in a beaming Loz's arms. "And it's huge! Just look at it!"

Kadaj looked up at the zolom and then gave Reno a sly glance.

"Wait, wait, yo…" the Turk just stared. "You don't actually expect to get one of those, do you?"

"Of course I do." Kadaj said affronted. "But one that's bigger and even more beautiful than Yazoo's." Jumping with excitement Kadaj ran over to his brothers. "Come on, show it to me."

Reno stared as the Remnants moved away, admiring the dead snake with terms like 'whip-like tail', 'arm-long teeth' and 'magnificent colouring' thrown around, and then he turned to the smiling Valenwinds.

"That was a joke, right yo? Do Remnants have a sense of humour?"

"Not that I know of, kid." Cid grinned. "Seems ta me they always take things damn literally."

"Fucking Hell." Reno stared up at the snake again and then down at the small EMR in his hand, not big enough to serve as a toothpick. "I'm guessing a bomb or two…."

"Would destroy the skin." Vincent fought to remain calm despite the snickering that threatened to burst out. "I mean, look at that one. Not at scratch except where it was impaled. Loz must have beaten it to death, or crushed it."

Reno groaned.

"What the hell happened to diamond rings and shit?" He whined desperately. "I could have stolen one of those, easy!"

"Times a-changing, I guess. And ya'd better hurry up and give him one as well, cause if Kadaj loses patience and decides ta give one ta ya...well, I don't think an impaled zolom outside ShinRa one morning would be taken the right way by Tseng and Rufus. " Cid hugged his husband as Reno grumbling and a bit reluctant went over to his boyfriend.

"Well, it is a pretty snake." Vincent mumbled against his shoulder. "It really shows Loz's devotion. And strength. And good taste."

Cid gave him a piercing glance.

"Yer not expecting me ta get ya one of those, are ya?"

"Of course not." Vincent looked thoughtfully up at the zolom. "I was thinking something more like a Dragon or King Tonberry…."


	28. Brothers

Title: FB – Brothers  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj  
Rating: umm….weird  
Dedicated to: Sunstrokeart for winning my 17 000 kiriban!

"Oh, great, you're making popcorns…ow!" Hurt, Loz pulled his hand away from the bowl because Kadaj had smacked him over the fingers with a spatula.

"They're not for you. Reno's coming over to stay the night and we're going to cuddle up in the sofa. Well, at first at least." Kadaj smirked.

"Reno coming over? I don't think so." Yazoo crossed his arms over his chest. "With Cid and Vincent away all night, *I* am in charge, and that Turk is just too much trouble. He can't come."

Kadaj gave his long haired, older brother a very fake sweet smile.

"*You* are in charge? Really. Says who?"

"Says Vincent." Yazoo smiled back smugly and handed over a note written with Vincent's neat letterings. Kadaj's face fell a bit as he read it, and he glared up at Yazoo. "It cleasrly says I am to be in charge whiles they're away, and you are to do as I say."

"Why would they choose you?" Kadaj crushed the note in his fist and threw it away. "I'm the one and only leader here!"

"Maybe because I'm the only one of us with any kind or emotional stability – oh, don't cry Loz!"

Kadaj snorted.

"You, stable? You are vain and cruel!"

"Maybe, but at least I am vain and cruel *all the time*, not bouncing up and down the emotional ladder like some yo-yo."

"Hmf." Kadaj's green eyes got hard as ice. "So what is your first command, oh great leader?"

Yazoo's eyes glittered dangerously.

"The first thing – the very first thing – we are going to do, is to find all those pesky cats and a sack…"

"No, we're not!" Loz protested appalled.

"You saw the note, I'm in charge!" Yazoo hissed at him.

Looking terribly pleased with himself, Loz handed over another note, this one written with Cid's letters. It said simply: 'Yazoo's in charge exceptin all matters concerning the cats.' "Hah! So what have you done with them, Yazzie? I can't find them."

"I haven't touched them yet!" Pouting, Yazoo glared at the note.

Kadaj smiled.

"That's because I locked them in Yazoo's wardrobe to keep them out of the way when Reno comes. They keep pouncing on things that move, you know. Last time Reno got claw marks on his ass."

"You locked them up?" Loz gaped horrified.

"In my wardrobe?" Yazoo screeched. "There will be cat hairs on everything!"

Both of them ran for the upstairs bed room intent on saving their preciouses, and both of them failing to notice Kadaj sneaking up behind them.

The kittens and Kitty sprang on Loz the moment he opened the wardrobe, hissing with fear and anger and almost knocking him over.

"No!" Yazoo stared at his ruined clothes. "I just did the laundry! Now there's hair on everything!"

"It wasn't their fault! It was Kadaj who…"

The fight died as the sound of the door being slammed closed and a key turning from outside could be heard.

Whistling, Kadaj put the key in his pocket. Leadership given by notes! His brothers truly believed the most ridiculous things.

Yazoo looked at his ruined clothes. Loz looked at his frightened cats. Then both of them looked at the locked door.

"We're not letting him get away with this, right?" Loz petted Kitty.

"Oh, no. Truce?" Yazoo threw away a hairy sweater and held out his hand which Loz accepted and shook firmly.

"Truce…and revenge."

"Good. I know just where to begin. You still got that caramel colouring from when we made marzipan santa cookies?"

"Sure."

Yazoo smiled and it wasn't a very nice smile. Once Loz was on is way out the window, the long-haired Remnant flopped down on the bed, pulled out his cell phone and dialed. "Hello? I'd like to order a pizza, please…."

The bathroom windown was open when Kadaj entered the shower so it was a bit cold - he turned on more hot water in the shower as he washed down. With no one at home - well, no one who could stop him - he'd use as much hot water as he pleased. He smiled as he started to wash his hair. This would be such a great night.

When the door bell rang Kadaj hurried down from the shower with nothing but a towel on and threw it open but was disappointed to see a rather spotty and chubby young man recoiling slightly at the sight of hungry cat-eyes.

"Um, pizza?" The guy squarked.

"I didn't…" Kadaj stopped himself. Yazoo or Loz must have ordered it, but that was just fine. Now he and Reno could eat it instead. "Sure, I'll pay for it." He handed over some gils and threw the door shut in the face of the relieved delivery boy. Eagerly he tore the box open.

"Oh for Mother's sake!" Disappointed he poked at the filling. "Anchovies? Anchovies and dumbapples on a pizza? Ugh!" But there were something else strange about the pizza, apart from the obvious lack of tastebuds in the one ordering them. The salty fish seemed to be laid out in a pattern…

"Yo, Kaddy!" The door was kicked open and a grinning Reno stepped in with two more pizza boxes. "I paid the girl deliving these just outside. Hope you're hungry 'cause they look family sized….what the Hell happened to you?" Reno stopped dead in his tracks.

"What? What do you mean?" Kadaj stared at the Turk, but Reno couldn't take his eyes of the top of Kadaj's head.

"Not that I don't like change and stuff, but pink? Why pink?"

"What are you talking about…" a few strands of wet hair fell down on to their regular place in front of Kadaj's eyes. They were a truly disturbing shade of bubbelgum pink. A rather unmanly screech escaped the Remnant. "My hair! My pretty hair!" He tore at it, but it was all uniformously pink. Reno tried hard not to grin.

"It's not that bad. And hey, we got pizza…what, how much did you order?" He stared at the boxes already on the table.

Kadaj's eyes narrowed suspiciously and he let go of his hair with an effort.

"Wait…let me see that." He tore the boxes open.

"Yuck, why the hell did you order anchovies?" Reno wrinkled his nose. "And is that dumbapples?"

"My brothers," Kadaj gritted his teeth. "Thinks they're so clever sometimes." He made a gesture at the pizzas.

The anchovies neatly spelled out one word on each pizza: It Has Only Begun.

The door rang and Kadaj pounced on it, scowling even as he threw it open.

"I didn't order - oh." He fell very quiet.

A thoroughly un-amused Cloud Strife stood outside with at least five more pizza boxes. The smell of salt fish and dumbapples were almost overwhelming.

"Are you going to tell me I drove all the way from Midgard to here for nothing?" he fingered the sword.

"No! No, of course not. Um. Fine. I'll pay." Gritting his teeth he got out the money.

"Where's Cid and Vincent?" Cloud peered over the Sephling's shoulder at the waving Turk who had poked away a bit of dumbapples and tried to eat around the ansovis. "And what's with all the pizza?"

"They're away for tonight. We're home alone." Kadaj threw an angry glance at the pizza. "And that…is what brothers will do to you."

Cloud sighed.

"This is why I live in Midgard," he muttered as he revved up the Fenrir and started the long ride back.

"Are you sure she can do it, Loz?" Yazoo said doubtfully. They had snuck out the window and was smirking in at the two love birds with their mound of inedible pizza. "It's a cat after all, not a dog."

"She's a clever cat." Loz petted the purring cat. "Aren't you, Kitty? Now, go fetch!"

Kitty slipped in through the tiny crack of the window and landed soundlessly on the floor. With slow, measured paces she closed in on the coffee table in front of the TV, where Kadaj had prepared for the evening. Delicately the scrawny cat moved in between bowls of popcorn and bottles of soda until she found what she was looking for. Fortunately it was only half full and she could pick it up in her mouth, hurrying back to the window and out into Loz's protective arms.

"Good Kitty!" Loz beamed and even Yazoo seemed mildly impressed.

"Dare I ask why you have taught her a trick like that?"

"Some mornings I'm just too tired to wake up to the sounds from the Valenwind's bedroom…"

Kadaj shut the door on Cloud with a little more force than necessary. Reno grinned at his pouty lover.

"C'mon, Kaddy. Admit it's pretty funny."

"That's easy for you to say! I just had to spend two weeks earnings from KFC to pay for this - this - this inedible junk!" Kadaj kicked at the pizza boxes.

"Awww….come here." Reno snuggled up to him from behind and kissed his neck. "I know how to make it up to you…"

Grinning, Kadaj let himself be pushed into the tv-room and down on the couch, his breath as always hitching a little as Reno threw off his shirt and started to kiss down Kadaj's chest.

"Where's the lube?" Reno mumbled, pulling at both of their pants at once.

"On the table." Kadaj fumbled for it, but his searching fingers found nothing on the table. Frowning, he pushed Reno away a bit, but he couldn't see the tube. "Where is it?"

Reno looked over the table, pushing over bowls and bottles frantically.

"You sure you put it here, yo?" He muttered.

"Yes! I…is that foot prints from a cat?" He stared at the table.

"Are you saying…"  
"I'm saying I'm going to kill my brothers!" Hissing, Kadaj came to his feet. He was hungry, hot and horny and thanks to Loz and Yazoo he could do nohing about it. Except kicking the crap out of his oh-so-clever brothers…

"I'll help you." Reno scarmbled out of the couch, the Turks thin patience apparently also worn out. "They got any particulary vulnerable parts I should aim for?"

"They will have once I'm done with them!"

"Look Capey." Hiding in a side room, Yazoo held up the fluttering cape that Vincent had decided to leave at home tonight. "It's red!"

The Cape shivered in agitation.

Reno and Kadaj hurried up the stairs, Kadaj fumbling for the key in the dark.

"Hurry up, yo!"

"I'm trying!" But his fingers were shaking with anger.

"Ouch! Don't pull my hair!"

"I'm not touching you, stupid Turk!"

"Then what the Hell…argh!" Reno's last word were smothered in red cloth that wrapped around his head."Nghst!"

"Get off him, Capey!" Kadaj dropped the key and started pulling at the cloak. "You can't eat everything that's red!"

"Eat? Get it off, get it off!" Reno screamed as the cloak settled around his head like a turban, pulling at his hair. "Before I look like Rude, yo!"

"Let him go, or I'll get the bleach!" Kadaj threatened, eyes shining with malice. "You'll spend the rest of your days with splotches all over!"

Immediately, the cape fell to the floor, only a few red strands of hair in its possession. Reno aimed a kick at it, but it sulkily withdrew.

"No one touches the hair!" He hissed after it.

"Enough of this!" Kadaj aimed a kick at the door that would have thrown it, and probably the room behind it, half way across the planet. "I'm going to choke you on dumbapples!"

At that moment, the door downstairs opened.

"Hi kids, we're home - what the Hell?" Cid's gaping came from the kitchen.

"What has happened?" Vincent dropped his jaw.

"Oops," Reno winced. Kadaj grew pale behind his bubble gum hair.

"Boys! Get yer asses down here now!" Cid roared, not happy.

"We can't." Yazoo shouted back from inside the bedroom. "Kadaj locked us in here!"

"You scheming little…." Kadaj hissed, but the lights were turned on as the Valenwind's came running up the stairs.

"Ya locked them in?" Cid glared down at the Turk and the squirming Remnant.

"Us and the cats!" Loz voice came from inside. "All night, to!"

"Yes! I mean, yes, but…I mean, it's all their fault!" Kadaj tried to explain but didn't know where to start.

"Don't blame your brothers! If they're locked in there then this mess must be all yours." Vincent was not looking happy. "Why is there pizza all over the house?"

"And the tv-room is a mess! There's popcorn and sodas everywhere!"

"And…Capey? What did they do to you?" Vincent gathered up the hurt cloak. "Your hair looks awful, by the way."

"It's not my fault!" Kadaj whined, but it was no use.

"See, this is why we put Yazoo in charge." Vincent huffed. "He's mature enough to handle being home alone. You, obviously, is not."

"That is so unfair!" Kadaj protested."It's their fault!"

"Um….Tseng just called, Turk business, gotta go…" Reno tried to sneak past, but Cid grabbed him by his pony tail.

"Oh, no, ya don't. Ya get ta help Kadaj clean up this mess." The pilot grumbled. "The whole place stinks like dumbapples and fish!"

Defeated, Kadaj and Reno slunk down the stairs to the mountain of pizza boxes and the mess of popcorn and soda. Evil snickers followed them from the bedroom.

"There's no way we're letting them get away with this." Kadaj gritted his teeth as he started to pull at the boxes.

"Count me in." Reno nodded. "And some bombs."


	29. Energy Crisis Solution

Title: FB – Energy crisis solution  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind  
Rating: insane

Dedicated to: this is all because of my RL friend E. who told me about this paradox….and my evil brain that said 'Yazoo would try to abuse that'

"Yazoo, what the Hell are ya doin' on the roof?" Cid shouted up at the Remnant how was holding what appeared to be a very struggling kitten in one hand and in the other…well, the length of string the pilot could make out but was the other thing Yazoo held…toast?

"It's just a little experiment." Even from this distance Cid could see the innocent-looking smile.

"What? And don't ya dare dropping that kitten!"

"I'm not going to drop it - yet." Yazoo waved the string around. "I need to tie this to it first."

"Is that…is that a piece of buttered toast?"

"Yes! You know how cats always land on their feet?"

"Yeah?"

"And toast always lands with the buttered side down if you drop it?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, theoretically, if I tie a buttered toast to the back of a cat it should according to those rules just keep spinning, right?" Yazoo beamed. "I've invented a perpetual mobilis! I can solve the energy crisis!"

"Ya've invented the worse excuse fer tryin ta kill the cats that I've heard so far, now get yer ass down here - with the cat! - and no more listening ta the Turks!"


	30. Swear Jar

FB – Swear jar  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo  
Rating: cute

Dedication: Swear jar idea belongs to :iconprocrazedfan: Thanks! ;)

"'Morning, boys." Cid said from behinda newspaper as three yawning Sephlings scuffled down to the breakfast table. "There's eggs if ya want them."

"Mmm, I like eggs…" Kadaj started to hand out the boiled eggs and cups whiles Yazoo poured them coffee and Loz made toast.

*crunch, crunch, crunch…*

Behind his paper, Cid frowned at the strange sound from across the table.

*crunch, crunch, crunch*

Curious he looked up at the eating Remnants.

*crunch, crunch, crunch*

Cid sighed.

"Ya know, most people remove the damn shell before eatin' an egg."

"Really? Yazoo looked up surprised.

"What for?" Loz asked. "That doesn't sound very healthy."

"And then it won't crunch!" Kadaj objected.

"I think that's the Gods-damned point…" Cid and the Sephlings all recoiled slightly as Vincent suddenly appeared, putting down a big jar on the middle of the table with just a little more force than necessary.

"God morning everyone," the gunman smiled a bit pleased with himself.

"Umm….'morning Vince," Cid, recognizing the smile, said warily. "What's that?"

"It's a swear jar."

"What the Hell?"

"Exactly my point. You are being a bad example and this seemed like a clever way to make it stop. One swearword - five gils in the jar."

Red eyes switched instantly from the paling pilot to the sniggering Remnants.

"And, by the way, the same rule applies to any unconventional use of the word Mother."

"What! Why?" Kadaj vehemently objected. "It's not a swearword!"

"It is the way you boys use it." Vincent shook the jar. "And when this is full, we'll all use the money to go on a vacation."

"And what about ya?" Cid crossed his arms and glared at his husband. "Ya don't swear. So if this is ta be fair, we ought ta give ya a fine for something else, right?"

Vincent seemed a bit taken back, but the Sephlings nodded grim agreement and he couldn't really back out on his own idea.

"Um…alright. What bad habit?"

"Let's see…ya don't smoke, ya don't swear, ya don't try ta kill the postman," Cid ticked it off on his fingers. "Ya've never put any of the kittens in the washing machine…"

"That was just once!" Yazoo pouted. "It's not a habit if you do something once! And Loz got it out, which was probably just as well. It would have clogged the drain something miserably."

"Turn into a demon." Kadaj said quickly, his eyes shining. "*That's* a bad habit!"

"Right!" Cid shone up. "Good one, Kadaj. How 'bout five gils per time…"

"No, that isn't fair. It's not as if he turns into a demon daily." Kadaj looked like a cat with a caught mouse. "I say ten gils for Galian, one hundred for Hellmasker, one *thousand* for Death Gigas and for Chaos…fill the jar."

"Deal!" Cid grinned, banging his fist on the table. "What ya say Vince? Feel like bein' a good example to the boys?"

Vincent glared at him.

"This isn't necessary. I have plenty of reasons already not to turn myself into a demon. It's not as if I do it for fun."

"So you do it involuntary," Yazoo smiled sweetly. "Which qualifies it as a bad habit."

"Fine!" Vincent snapped at them. "We start the bad habit jar…now."

By afternoon the jar's bottom could no longer be seen. It would have been significantly less if Cid hadn't attempted to fix the Highwind's right engine.

By evening both Loz and Yazoo had had to add to the jar, even though they protested that no one could have heard them unless they'd had their ear pressed to the door. Vincent objected that he had been in the other end of the garden, and the noises had still disturbingly obvious.

Kadaj smiled and asked if he could make a long-distance call.

The following week was torment on all involved except Vincent and Kadaj; the Remnant seemed to take the occasional fine he had to pay with admirable and highly uncharacteristic calm. When Cid and his brothers cornered him about what was going on he simply shrugged.

"Don't worry. This will all be over by Thursday next week."

"Why? What have ya done?" Cid shook his head. "Never mind, really. Whatever it is it has gotta be better than this darn swear jar!"

"I heard that!" Vincent's voice came from the kitchen. "Five gils in the jar, chief!"

"What? I said 'darn', not 'damn'! Darn ain't a swearword!"

"Yes, it is!"

The string of curses that Cid let out after that filled the jar to one fifth.

The next Thursday found Cid in his tool shed, elbow deep in the pickup's old engine and with his lips tightly clamped around a cig to at least try to keep from swearing. Mako-hearing, he was sure, wasn't really playing fair.

"Old man!" Someone glomped him from behind, so suddenly he almost swallowed the cig in pure shock.

"Yuffie?" He startled. "What the Hell are ya doin' here?"

"Kadaj invited me!" Yuffie bounced around the shed, nimble fingers touching everything and probably stealing some of it. "Hey, where's my Vinny-vin-vin?"

"Ya'd better stay away from Vince, he jest sat down with a book and he gets real testy if disturbed…oh." The gears clicked into place in Cid's head. The smile that came over him could have rivaled Kadaj's in pure wickedness. "He's on the porch. If ya surprise him, I'm sure he'd love it."

"Really? Yay!" Yuffie bounced away and Cid hurried out of the shed even as Kadaj came running from the other side of the house.

"She's here?" Kadaj grinned.

The demon roar of fury rose from the porch, followed by a pillar of fire and Yuffie's yelp as Chaos rose.

"And I guess that was the end of that bad habit jar. Ya know, kid," Cid took a deep breath to savour each and ever word. "Yer a gods-damned fucking evil genius from Hell."

"Mother knows *that's* true." Kadaj nodded agreement.


	31. Wedding Anniversary Day

Title: FB – Wedding Day

Summary: Cid needs the Sephlings' help, but even Remnants may be in over their heads when it comes to trying to teach an old dog new tricks.

A/N: I know nothing of cars. I know nothing of dancing ^^; so I made that up, really. I *do* know how to eat in fancy restaurants, however, so that part maybe somewhat accurate.

"There ya are boys, I…what, are ya here again?" Cid frowned at Reno who looked up a bit guiltily from the four – way poker game.

"Hey, I'm on vacation, yo. Or working. Even I get it a bit confused these days." The red-head defended himself.

Cid sighed.

"Damn Turks are like cats, ya feed them once and then yer stuck with 'em," he muttered under his breath but sat down, throwing a glance over his shoulder. "Anyway, I guess it's good yer here. I kind of need all of yer help with something."

"Of course." Yazoo took the opportunity to put down his miserable cards.

"You know we'd help you with anything, captain." Loz agreed.

"So, who do you need killed?" Kadaj leaned back on his chair, twirling a lock of Reno's long red hair between his fingers.

"We can dump the body in the lake." Reno shrugged. "Standard Turk procedure."

Cid stared at them, not entirely sure if they were kidding or not.

"Are ya'll suggesting I ain't capable of killing someone myself if I need ta?"

"Um, of course not." Kadaj pulled back. "Sorry."

"In two weeks it's our wedding day – mine and Vinces," Cid pulled his hands through his hair, a bit embarrassed. "And I wanna do something really nice for him. Something romantic. I wanted ta take him ta a fancy dinner and then go dancing."

"Sounds good." Yazoo shrugged. "So what is the problem?"

"There's lots. For starters, I don't know any fancy restaurants. And even if I did, I don't know how ta use…ya know, there's more forks and knives around those plates than we got in an entire cupboard! And glasses, and weird food…and I don't know how ta dance, either."

"You want *us* to give *you* lessons in etiquette?" Kadaj lifted a silvery eyebrow in query.

"Well, only if ya know how ta do this stuff…"

"I need clothes, shoes, razors, scissors…" Yazoo thoughtfully started to tick things off on his fingers. "I'll see what kind of cutlery I can find."

"Music," Loz added, "I figure waltz and slowfox ought to cover it."

"A strategy plan," Kadaj nodded, "leasing a car, getting a table at a good restaurant, checking through the wine list and menu at home to find some good matches…"

"I know of some restaurants – what? Rufus goes there, and we're bodyguards, right?" Reno grinned. "Being a Turk gets you everywhere, yo. And with ShinRa backing you up, I'll get you a table anywhere, anytime."

"I…" Cid was almost stunned with the enthusiasm. "Thank ya boys, I don't know what I'd do without ya!"

"Don't thank us yet, captain." Kadaj smirked, taking in the perpetually oilstained blonde. "We have got a long way to go first."

"It's actually quite logical and not very difficult, captain." Yazoo tried to comfort Cid who was staring in despair at the row of cutlery surrounding his plate.

"That's easy fer ya ta say! Ya were born with this knowledge, but I'm betting this shit is what turned Sephiroth grey haired in the first place."

"It's silver," Yazoo said a bit insulted, "not grey. Anyway, you don't have to worry too much over this. Once you've ordered the waiter will remove all glasses, plates, spoons, forks and knives that you won't need. Like this." He took away some of it, leaving a number that could at least be counted on two hands.

"Then why was it there in the first place?"

"To show of the range of meals they offer….you know, kind of like a warrior keeping a lot of different weapons."

"Hmm." Cid played with a fork. "I'm guessing telling them to jest invest in sporks ta save time would be a bad idea then?"

"Yes! Now, this is easy. You start with the cutlery furthest out for the first course and then work your way towards the plates. Easy, right? And the waiter will pour your wine, so you don't have to worry about what glass to use – there will only be two filled at a time, and one will be water."

"But this doesn't even look like a knife."

"It's an oyster knife. You use it to open oysters. I bought some of those, because I think Vincent likes them. You should at least try." The Remnant held out something that to Cid looked like a stone and smelled like old socks. Neatly, Yazoo slid in the knife to open it up and swallowed the pearly white content.

"What the Hell was that? That *moved*!" Cid stared in shock.

"I hope so." Yazoo dabbed his lips. "If it's not alive, you can get really sick."

"I'm supposed to eat it alive? Nu-hu. I ain't doing that. No way."

"Some things taste better if they're alive when you eat them," Yazoo smiled as if to an old memory. It was a nasty smile. "And they are good, all salty and slippery like…ahem. Alright, maybe you don't need to eat the oysters. But you know they are aphrodisiacs?"

Cid crossed his arms and glared at him.

"The day I need a live, smelly fish-thing ta get things going in the sac is far, far away, buddy!"

"Fine. We'll look over the menu when Kadaj gets it and pick out something…non-threatening for you to eat. Now, this is how you eat soup." He demonstrated and Cid groaned in frustration.

"Ya have got ta be kidding me…"

The music was loud, but no waltz ever composed could have entirely hidden the swearing, yelping from tramped toes and eventual loud crash that came from the living room.

Cid picked himself up from the floor but Loz lay still, wimpering with pain.

"I always wondered why Mr Valentine wore metal plated shoes," he muttered, massaging his toes. "I guess now I know."

"Oh yeah? Well, what do ya know about dancing anyway?" Cid rubbed his bruises.

"Dancing is a physical attribute!" Loz growled, getting up. "Of course I know it! The problem is, both of us are trying to lead. I guess…"he sighed, "I guess we need Yazoo."

Cid couldn't help but applaud as Loz and Yazoo moved gracefully around the room, seemingly instinctively knowing where the other was going and following as smooth as silk.

"That's great! That's what I'm trying for!" Cid stepped up as the music shifted. "Let me try."

"Alright." Loz stepped back and took Cid's shoulders to steer him. "You put one hand on his side, good, and the other takes his hand, that's right, and if you touch him anywhere else, I'm going to rip off your hands and shove them down your throat until you choke."

Cid glared. Yazoo sniggered. Loz crossed his arms.

"I'm not kidding." He scowled.

"I ain't going ta touch him anywhere else, Loz, I swear. Now start the damn music again."

"No." Kadaj crossed his arms over his chest and huffed. "This is not negotiable."

"But I can't see why! We got a car, and it works perfectly…well, it works, at least. Why do I have ta rent one?"

"You are not driving up to the Golden Fork in that old pickup! It's embarrassing!" Kadaj spread out some brochures. His patience, never very long, had been severly cut down by going through the menue and wine list with Cid and had ended with the short description 'red wine - meat, white wine - fish' which wasn't really accurate but would at least serve for an evening. "Look, we're going to do this right. The details count. This one looks sleek, but the other one has a better colour. It would match Vincent's eyes. And this looks kind of cool. What kind of car do you like?"

Grumpy, Cid chewed his cig.

"I like the pickup."

"Argh!" Kadaj tore his hair and was about to throw the plan out the window when Loz threw a glance over his shoulder at the glossy car pictures.

"Oh, look, it's a Phantom D 12. It has a C-65 engine and does 0-100 in less than 12 seconds."

Cid sat up straighter.

"Really?" He said interested, glancing down at the brochures.

"And this is an old classic; a Fury 46. Look, they kept the old engine system but modified the carburettor. It still has the draw power of the old machine, but runs much smoother. And then there is the…"

"Let me look at that…"

It wasn't all that often that Kadaj showed brotherly affection, but this time he hugged Loz tightly in gratitude.

"Sit! Still!" Yazoo didn't often loose patience, but now both he and Cid stared in a bit of shock at the pair of scissors that had somehow embedded themselves in the wall on the other side of the room. Annoyed, Yazoo walked over and yanked them out again, brandishing them as if they'd been a sword. "You need a haircut and a shave – stop fidgeting like a child or I'll tie you to the chair."

"Oh yeah?" Cid scowled back, never one to react well to threats.

"….and I'll use *your* handcuffs, you know, the ones you keep in that drawer in your bedroom…"

"Ya sneaky little bastard!"

"Come on, captain." Yazoo took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. "Don't you trust me?"

"Don't take it personal kid, but I'd have a hard time trusting anyone who comes at my throat with a razor. Why can't I jest shave myself? I do it everyday, ya know!"

"Yes, and you leave three-fourths of the stubble still on your face. What do you shave with, anyway? A rock?"

"My clothes are itching."

"They are *not*!" Yazoo sneaked behind the grumbling captain and continued to try to tame the somewhat hedgehog-like hair. "They make you look very sharp."

Kadaj peeked into the room, smiling proudly as he saw the reformed captain – who, for once, looked like his title. Yazoo had chosen a dark suit for him, with a blue cravat that picked up the sky-blue eyes, the shoes where polished and there wasn't an oilstain in sight.

"So, everything is set, right? You have the car, the restaurant is booked, we picked out what food might not try to bite back when you eat it, chosen wine, you've got at least some basic dancing lessons…"

"He's coming!" Loz shouted from the window where he'd had look-out service. "Mr Valentine is here!"

"Yeah," nervously, Cid pulled his hands along his new clothes, "I don't know what ta say. Ya boys have been great. I couldn't have done this without ya, ya know? Thank ya. And I'm sure Vince will thank ya tomorrow as well. Hope I don't ruin it."

"You'd better not, considering how much time we spent on this." Yazoo muttered.

"Don't listen to him," Kadaj huffed. "No one ever does, anyway. You'll do fine."

"I saw a new car in the yard, did Reeve come to visit…" Blinking, Vincent looked around the room. "What…what is going on here?"

"It's our wedding day." Cid smiled bravely. "And I've got a surprise fer ya. C'mon, and we're going out tanight!"

"But you look - look - well - amazing!" Vincent suddenly flustered. "I haven't got anything…"

"It's upstairs, on your bed." Yazoo sulked a bit. "Not that anyone ever listens to me."

"Jest hurry it up, a'right?" Cid's grin grew more genuine as he started to relax. "We've got a table reservation at the Golden Fork in an hour." He frowned down at the card. "The reservations are made for Mr and Mrs ShinRa, but that's Reno fer ya."

A few minutes later Vincent came back down again in a suit similar to Cid's but with red details instead of blue. He was still blushing a bit as Cid took his arm to lead him out to the car.

The Sephlings and Reno watched them drive away, waving, but as soon as the car disappeared out of sight an almost breathless expectation settled in. They waited with various degree of patience until ten minutes had past slowly. Kadaj breathed out.

"I think they're finally gone. No supervisors. No prying ears or eyes." Grinning he turned to the others. "And you know what that means."

"Bondage night!" Loz and Yazoo shouted in happy unison.

"Dibs on the bedroom!" Loz added before Kadaj could get a word in.

"I'll get the jell-o!" Yazoo ran for the kitchen.

"I'll get the blindfold!" Loz ran up the stairs.

Reno shook his head.

"You three are some of the most perverted people I know, yo."

Kadaj cast him an innocent glance, and then a very pointed one at the Turk's scarce luggage.

"Oh, really? Is that a feather duster you're hiding behind your back or are you just happy to see me?"

"I said *some* of the most perverted people..."


	32. Ukes

FB – Ukes

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo - from the ukes' perspective ;o)

Rating: cute

A/N: I don't know who is uke in Renaj really, but for the sake of this fic it's Kadaj

Going away for Easter - will be back next week!

"Yazoo," a rather testy Kadaj sat down at the kitchen table, giving his brother a piercing glance, "why is there still cats in the bed?"

Frowning, Yazoo kept flipping pancakes.

"What kind of question is that? Why don't you ask Loz? It's his cats."

"It's a very valid question, and that's exactly my point. I've told him a dozen times to keep them out of bed, but he doesn't listen to me. But now you're his lover and he'd do anything for you. Why haven't you told him to get rid of them?"

"It's none of your business." Yazoo tried to turn his back on Kadaj, but the youngest brother wasn't so easily ignored. He grabbed a handful of long silvery hair and yanked it. "Ow! Stop it, you are getting hair in my pancakes!"

"I'm making this my business, because it's my bed as well, and I'm tired of waking up by getting clawed! Wait…" Kadaj sniffed at the pancakes. "These aren't ordinary pancakes. It's blueberry-cakes!"

"So? Let go!" Yazoo managed to pull his hair back but only because a slightly stunned Kadaj was staring at him, a rather evil smile twitching his lips.

"You hate blueberries. You hate cats. You are doing this for Loz!" Kadaj burst out in uncontainable, gleeful giggles. "Oh dear Mother, he's got completely wrapped around his little finger!"

Yazoo's fair face flushed in ugly red.

"That is not true!"

Kadaj almost fell of the chair laughing.

"Ahahaha! Oh, look at the calm and cool and composed Yazoo, reduced to a soppy little sub!"

"At least *I* didn't work overtime at KFC to afford buying a new wardrobe after *someone* told me I looked good in green!" Yazoo snapped with dark sweetness. Kadaj immediately shut up and glared at him.

"I like that colour! It had nothing to do with the Turk!"

"Right. And I guess you are wearing those emerald-sequined thongs because they're so airy and comfortable?" With vicious delight Yazoo saw Kadaj turn blood red.

"How do you know about that?" He hissed, utterly embarrassed.

"I do the laundry around here, remember?"

"They don't have to be mine!"

"Oh, please. You are the only one in this household with hips that wide."

"My hips are not wide! They're…deliciously curved!"

"Is that what Reno tells you to get you to wear them? Not to mention those hand-cuffs you left behind last time. Where did you get those, by the way?"

"Stole them from Cid and Vincent - they'll never find out, there were *lots* in that cupboard. And anyway, you are not one to talk! Not after that photo Loz had of you in his wallet, the one where you are all tied up with silk ropes and wearing bunny-ears!"

Yazoo gasped for air as his evil little brother got out a photo and waved the pink-and-silver picture at him.

"That is a private photo, you little pervert!" He lounged for Kadaj, but the Remnant leader was faster and quickly slid around to the other side of the table, tauntingly waving the photo at his blushing brother. "How did you get that?"

"*My* boyfriend is a Turk, remember?" Kadaj grinned with evil intent as Yazoo screeched and started to chase him around the kitchen. "And I bet…"

The picture was suddenly yanked from Kadaj's hand by a metal claw and both Remnants stopped dead in their tracks as Vincent frowned at them.

"What are you two doing now?" He sighed.

"Kadaj is saying I'm a soppy sub!" Yazoo glared at Kadaj. "Just because I made Loz pancakes and haven't killed his cats!"

"Yazoo thinks I'll just bend over for Reno!" Kadaj hissed back. "I happen to like green! And sequins!"

Vincent rubbed his temples.

"I wonder if other parents have these kinds of discussions?" He mumbled to himself but said out loud. "And what is wrong with spoiling your partner a little?"

Both Sephlings startled. Vincent continued.

"I mean, you do love them. You want them to be happy. As long as they do the same for you, there's nothing wrong with…indulging them a bit."

Kadaj crossed his arms and pouted.

"But he's implying I'm being bossed around! I'm not! I'm in charge!"

"I'm the one who should get spoiled - not Loz!" Yazoo objected.

"I know. That's why you two went to the Golden Saucer- right Kadaj? - and that's why Loz gave you that zolom and the chocolate." Vincent smiled. "Some green sweaters and pancakes are pretty small indulgence in comparison, isn't it?"

"Hmmm…."

"Hmmm…"

"So, no more fighting, alright?"

"We'll try." Yazoo fidgeted a bit. "Can I have my photo back now?"

"Of course. It's…" Vincent threw a quick glance at the photo and froze. His face suddenly got dangerously dark. "Is that *my* bunny-suit?"

"Umm…" Yazoo quickly backed away from the enraged gunman. "Kadaj stole your handcuffs!"

"You little rat!" Kadaj squeaked as Vincent's murderous attention was redirected at him.

"Come back here!" Vincent roared as both Sephlings quickly bolted in opposite directions, leaving him with blueberry pancakes and a very compromising picture.

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	33. Semes

Title: FB – seme (aka Vanity and Sex)  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo  
Rating: cute, slightly kinky ending ;)  
Summary: The relationships from the seme's point of view…

"Ain't you done yet, Loz?" Reno whined in utter boredom. "What's taking so fucking long, yo?"

"I need to get a present for Yazzie." Loz ignored the Turk, walking down the street with long steps . "I didn't say you had to come along. I didn't even say you *could* come along!"

"Yeah, well, Tseng and Rufus insist someone keeps an eye on you Remnants when you're in Midgard," grumbling Reno hurried to keep up. "I didn't have much choice when you agreed to come along and help Cid get those whatsit parts for the engine. Why couldn't you just have gone with him to 7:th Heaven instead of running around out here? We could have gotten a beer or three by now!"

"Weren't you supposed to be our designated driver?" Loz peered into a shop window, frowned, sighed, and kept walking. "Anyway, Tifa doesn't like me at the bar, and since I got Kitty presents I have to get one for Yazoo or he'll be jealous of her. I mean, more jealous than he already is."

"I drive better if I'm a bit drunk anyway." Reno pouted. "And Yazoo needs therapy if he's jealous at a cat! What did you get her?"

"A new, plush velvet bed pillow, extra strong cat nip, three of those little squeaky toys she likes to bite to pieces so much…"

"Screw Yazoo – you need therapy!" Reno groaned. "So what are you getting for Yazoo?"

"I don't know. Um. Something nice. Something pretty. What do you get Kadaj when you've been away?"

"A good hard screw." Reno grinned. "Works every time!"

"I really didn't need to know that." Loz muttered.

"How about chocolate? That's classic."

"He claims it makes him fat – don't look at me like that, I know it's not true, but…" Loz shrugged.

"Flowers? Alright, bad idea…" Reno wracked his head for romantic things. It wasn't a line of thought he often pursued. "Jewelry?"

"Get stuck when fighting."

"A dead zolom? A cut off head? A dead cat in a box? I don't fucking know! You guys are too strange!"

"Then just shut up and leave me alone! It's not as if I asked your opinion anyway!"

"Look, I'm just trying to help, right? I want to go back to Kadaj, not hang around in Midgard with you and no beer." Turning down the EMR to its lowest, Reno used it to help dispersing a couple of people blocking the sidewalk. "What *does* Yazoo like?"

"Um, me, his own looks, sex…"

"Yeah, he's Kadaj's brother alright…." Something buzzed in Reno's pocked and he drew up his phone. "Cid? Yeah, we're not even close to done here, sorry. Hey, did you get anything for Vince? Polish for guns and bullets? Yeah, you're the very pinnacle or romance, Highwind…what' you mean it depends on the kind of gun and bullets?"

"Never mind, I found it!" Loz hurried across the street, his eyes fixed on a shop. "This is perfect!"

"That? Are you sure? Well, I ain't arguing if it means we can finally go back." Reno sighed as Loz went inside to buy the gift. "Seems we're done here after all, Highwind, but you'd better come pick us up. Loz bought something…big."

"I love it." Yazoo's voice was filled with wicked delight as he and Loz came downstairs, looking slightly dishelved and very happy. "It combines all my favorite things!"

"Mmmm…." Loz mumbled and smiled. "I knew you'd like it."

"What did he get him?" Kadaj asked Reno as his brothers walked out. "C'mon, I want to see!"

He pulled Reno with him and hurried upstairs to their rooms, but looked around, frowning.

"You said it was big. And I saw Lloz carrying something huge and flat upstairs, wrapped in paper. But I can't see anything new here."

Reno grinned, trying hard not to laugh.

"You ain't looking in the right place, Kaddy." He sniggered and pointed to the roof above the bed.

Kadaj's eyes got huge.

"I'm pretty sure there wasn't a mirror over the bed before…." He turned to Reno and smiled wickedly. "So how about giving me my present now, hm?"

"How do you know what I was gonna give you?" Reno grinned back and locked the door, moving in on Kadaj to push the purring Sephling down on the bed where he could see himself as Reno started to kiss his way down the deceptively slender neck.

"Because," Kadaj panted a bit, "you always give me the same thing. And I always love it."


	34. Enemies part 1

Title: FB – Enemies part I of II  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo  
Rating: Some violence

A/N: Let's see if you are as clever as Yazoo and his pie… :D

Summary: Someone is trying to kill the Remnants and Capey is a Hero

"Sometimes I think you like Vincent's cooking more than you like me," Kadaj pouted as Reno grabbed another huge piece of cherry pie and stuffed it into his mouth, licking his fingers and grinning.

"'Course I don't, Kaddy." The Turk reached across the blanket to get a chicken club. "I like you *just* as much as I like Vince's cooking - ow! It's just not that often I get invited to a picnic, yo."

"As far as I know, no one did invite ya," Cid grumbled, sipping his tea, but without any real anger. It was impossible to be grumpy on such a lovley, sunny spring day, his husband leaning in his arms, his extended family gathered around a truly wonderful picnic. Not even the Turk could spoil the day.

"Where do you even put away all that food? You've been eating non-stop since we got out here." Kadaj eyed the sinewy body. "Do you have worms or something?"

"Hey, I've just gotten back from a mission from hell. I haven't eaten anything but coffee and caffeine pills for three days." Reno winked. "A diet like that'd keep anyone slim."

"Unless they get a mental break down."

"Never said it was perfect."

"You know," Yazoo ignored the bickering to brush some grass off Capey, shaking out the cloak and neatly folded the swirling folds, "this is nice. We've never been to a picnic before."

"Unless you count that time when we chased Cloud." Loz was lazily weaving a few flowers into Yazoo's long hair.

"It is nice," Vincent smiled, feeling content, which wasn't like him. "It's almost like a normal fami…what was that?" He stared at a small pile of dirt that had suddenly exploded a few inches from the blanket, spraying Capey with grass and sand and making the cape shake in irritation.

"I don't know…" Cid frowned as another small explotion of dirt erupted next to Kadaj's hand.

"Get down, get down!" Reno screamed, dropping his chicken club and throwing himself over Kadaj who hissed with suprise and anger and tried to fling him off. "Someone is fucking shooting at us!"

Quick, cold-minded battle-experience made all six males thrown themselves down even as a pie erupted where a bulled hit it, but there really where nowhere to hide out here in the middle of the plains. Vincent snarled and reached for Cerebus even as Yazoo instinctivley fumbled for Velvet Nighmare - which he hadn't brought.

"Shit!" Cid swore as he tried to keep his head covered and pulled down Vincent as well. "We're sitting ducks out here!"

Something huge and red billowed up and spread out; Capey providing a visual defence like a screen and shuddering as another bullet tore through the cloth.

"Capey!"

"Loz, get them!" Kadaj snarled, still trying to get up from under Reno's grip. "Whoever it is, I want them alive!"

Loz nodded and let go of Yazoo; with a flash he was gone, running over the plains and 'jumping' from side to side to make a harder target.

"No, wait!" Yazoo screamed, but it was too late. Loz was already far out on the plains, running for the assasin.

Vincent crouched down behind Capey, ready to provide fire support, but no more bullets came. Loz had reached a hillock a few hundred meters away and the demon-man could see him crouching in the grass, picking something up. Then he stood, looking around, and shrugged. A few moments later Loz was back, holding a rifle with a sniper's light.

"No one there," he explained. "Just the tracks from a motorbike, and this."

"Are you alright?" Yazoo demanded as Vincent took the rifle. "Did you get hit? Are you hurt?" He pulled his hands all along Loz chest and shoulders, green eyes huge and lips shaking.

"I'm not hurt, Yazzie, I'm - ouch!" Loz staggered as Yazoo slammed a fist into his chest.

"You stupid idiot! Don't you even do something like that again! Ever!" Yazoo hissed like an angry cat. "If you'd got yourself killed, I would never have forgiven you!"

"I am…um…sorry?" Loz said confused, rubbing his chest. Yazoo might look slender but he could easily have broken ribs.

"You'd better be!"

"Who was it?" Cid ignored the lovers' squabble and looked at the gun Vincent was turning over in his hands. "Any clues?"

"Nothing. It's a standard sniper gun, you could buy it anywhere." Vincent sighed, sniffing at the handle. "Although that smell…"

"ShinRa." Kadaj's eyes narrowed. "It must have been!"

"No way." Reno walked around the ruined picnic, scuffling his feet where the bullets had hit the ground.

"You are not exactly objective, Reno…" Vincent started, but the Turk interupted him.

"ShinRa wouldn't *miss*, that's what I mean." He frowned at the scattered shots in the ground. "Whoever fired that gun aims like shit. And ShinRa don't use that kind of cheap-ass sniper guns. "

"He's got a point." Cid nodded.

"Then who?" Loz asked, still rubbing his bruise.

"Could be anyone with a grudge against you boys - and to be honest, there's quite a lot of those people around." Vincent closed his claw and the sniper gun was torn to pieces. "We'd better be a bit more carefull from now on."

Yazoo looked at the bullet marks and then up at the hillock. He frowned.

"Come on, Yazzie." Loz watched nervously as Yazoo picked up the splattered pie even as the rest of the family was quickly moving out. "We're leaving."

"Just a second." He studied the pie and picked up an abandoned crazy straw." Hmm…"

"What are you doing?" Loz stared in confusion as Yazoo fiddled with the pie and the straw.

"Looking for clues."

"In a pie?"

Yazoo dropped the destroyed food to the ground and frowned.

"Yes."


	35. Enemies part 2

Title: FB – Enemies part II of II  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo

Warning: Will contain accidental LozxReno

The next morning brought even more unhappy surprises. Cid and Loz frowned at the three motorbikes, all of which stood on flat tires.

"Now that," Loz said with a head shake, "is just *silly*!"

"Yeah, well, I don't like it." Cid grumbled and chewed his cig. "Someone's creeping around here at night? I don't like it one bit. Maybe we should get a dog, but I'm afraid yer kittens would eat it alive. Those things are getting' mighty fierce." He sighed. "Refill the tires, will ya?"

Loz did, and Cid nodded.

"Lets take 'em for a spin, see if they hold the air." He straddled one bike even as Loz took another and they revved up the engines.

"Get off the bikes!" The double scream from Reno and Vincent came the moment the engines started and the two sleep tousled and barely dressed men came running flat out over the yard, Vincent throwing himself over Cid and tackling him to the ground and Reno trying the same with Loz. It wouldn't have worked if Loz hadn't got so completely surprised that he more or less fell of the bike with Reno around his neck.

The two couples rolled over the yard, away from the bikes, which did nothing except stand there and purr.

"Get off me!" Loz snarled and tried to manhandle the red-head, who was the still in his underwear, off him. "What's wrong with you?"

Cid wasn't as eager to let go of the sudden embrace, but he did manage to sit up with Vincent in his arms.

"What the Hell is happening here?" He frowned.

"The bikes…" Vincent stared at the two bikes, still with their engines running. "I…um…"

"They could have been meddled with." Reno's face was unusually serious. "That's what I would have done. Distract you with flat tires but rewired the engine – kaboom! Got it?"

Loz eyes got wide and he stared at the bikes. The bikes stubbornly refused to explode.

"That's just sneaky." He grumbled.

"Vince?" Cid asked carefully.

"Yes, me to." Vincent sighed. "Turk habits die hard, I guess."

"What are you *doing*?" The double scream of Kadaj and Yazoo tore through any more Turk musings and Reno and Loz suddenly realized that they were lying on the ground, the practically naked Turk on top of the Remnant.

"Argh! Getoffmegetoffmegetoffme!"

"Keep your Gods damned hands to yourself, yo!"

Surprisingly, Yazoo was the first of the two sulking ukes to calm down as he was sitting in a profoundly embarrassed Loz's lap, listening to Cid's explanation. Reno was upstairs, very enthusiastically and rather noisily apologizing to Kadaj.

"But there were no bombs?" Yazoo asked.

"Nah, I went through all three machines. There's nothing there. Just flat tires."

"It makes no sense, then." Loz frowned. Bombs would have made sense, but this…this is just silly!"

"Childish." Yazoo murmured.

"Maybe, but I don't like it. Someone is out there, and we don't know what they're gonna do next. Hey love, ya find anything?" Cid turned to ask the huge, lumbering monster that walked in the door, the sight still making both Remnants' hair stand on edge – they hadn't really got used to the demons.

Galian Beast disappeared and Vincent shook his head.

"No, nothing. No unfamiliar scents. Whoever did this is either very, very good….or someone we know."

"Shit." Cid shook his head. "Ya sure it wasn't ShinRa?"

"It doesn't smell like it. And why would they just flatten the tires?" Vincent set his face. "I think we need to get into Rocket Town. Ask around. Maybe someone's seen something."

"But we can't leave the kids alone!" Cid said aghast. "What if someone attacks?"

Loz and Yazoo just stared at him. Vincent rubbed his temples.

"Chief…they're three of the most dangerous people in the world. And they're backed up by a Turk. I doubt there's any full frontal attack in the world they couldn't handle."

"Oh. Right. Ya know, sometimes I forget that…"

With strict orders to stay inside the house until they returned, Cid and Vincent left for Rocket Town. Yazoo stared after them, wondering if he should have told them. He didn't know *who* was attacking them, but he was pretty sure he knew *what* and it annoyed him. But he could be wrong, and he hated being wrong in front of others. So there was only one thing to do, really.

"What are we going to do all day?" Loz had flopped down on the couch, looking bored already.

Yazoo smiled, looking at him behind the curtain of his hair.

"I've got some ideas." He purred.

Once Loz was sleeping Yazoo quietly walked out of the house, taking a basked of laundry with him. The lines were he usually hung up laundry was at the other end of the yard, at the very edge of the property. It was perfect. He made sure he had the sun behind him and got to work, humming softly to himself.

It didn't take many minutes before he saw a shadow on the ground creep closer to him. He snorted as the shadow lifted something over its head and spun around.

His slender hand caught the metal rod and slammed it aside, bending it as if it had been a straw of grass and tossing it out of reach. Quick as a snake Yazoo grabbed the assailant by his dirty shirt and hoisted him up.

Which wasn't very hard as the would-be killer was nothing more than a child. Green eyes narrowed. A child he had expected but…

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" He asked.

The boy didn't answer but kept hissing and kicking uselessly, trying to in vain to pry Yazoo's fingers apart and get free.

Yazoo wasn't very good at remembering human faces - mostly because he didn't really care about them - but there was defenetly something familiar with this boy.

"You are one of Cloud's children." He shook the kid a bit. "What do you think you are doing here?"

"Let me go, you son of a bitch!" The boy was really persistant, and he stank of fear. "Or I'll kill you!"

"You already tried that. Why should I let you go to get another chance?" Yazoo pulled him closer and the boy stopped struggling, his breath wheezing with fear. "I should just snap your neck and dump you in the lake. But I won't…brother."

"What?" The boy's eyes got round and he kicked at Yazoo's belly. He might as well have tried to kick down a brick wall. "I'm not your brother! I've seen what you perverts do, and if you touch me…"

"Don't flatter yourself. You are far from as beautiful as my real brothers and me. But you were one of the children Mother had chosen. For a short while you were one of us."

"You kidnapped us! You brainwashed us and used us!"

"I didn't kidnap anyone. You came along freely." Yazoo shook his head, not understanding. "Why are you so angry? Tseng and Elena I can understand, we did some pretty awefull things to them. But you children…we tried to help you."

"Help us?" The boy snarled mockingly.

"You were dying. You couldn't handle Mother's gift. Kadaj gave you what you needed to survive."

"You are out of your mind!" The kid struggled again. "You are murderers and you tried to turn us into ones as well! You brainwashed us! I didn't have any control once that stuff was inside me!"

"Yes." Yazoo shuddered. "Now imagine what it's like to feel that *all your life*."

"I…" the kid looked confused, but anger soon won over. "You destroyed my life. I had to live on the streets! Eat from the garbage bins! Sleep under cardboard boxes! Always hungry and tired and cold and frightened. You have no idea what that is like!"

"You are right, I don't." Yazoo snarled back. "Because I grew up in a lab. Where they cut us open to see how fast we healed. Where they kept us awake to see how long before we went insane with insomnia. Where they *did things to us*."

They glared at one another, neither one backing down.

"What are you going to do with me?" The boy's voice quavered a little, tough he put up quite a show of being courageous.

"Me? Nothing." Yazoo shrugged and the kid relaxed, just a tiny fraction. "I'm not in charge here. Kadaj will decide."

There was a tiny glint of evil in Yazoo's eyes as the boy froze with dread.

"Here." Yazoo dumped the struggling boy on the kitchen table where Reno and Kadaj were eating cereals as if would-be murderers where all part of a healthy breakfast. "This is our sniper."

"Denzel?" Reno accidentally sprayed to boy with cereals. "The Hell are you doing here?"

"Yazoo just told you." Kadaj frowned at the Turk and then fixed the now terrified kid with hard eyes. "Trying to kill us."

"He's a twelve year old kid!" Reno protested.

"All the more reason to get rid of him now before he starts to pose a real threat." Kadaj said with sweet, cold logic.

"Look, yo." Reno tried to calm down the murderous tension in the room. "You got any proof?"

"You mean except him being hundreds of miles from home in a place he's got no reason to be?" Yazoo snorted. "It was the angle in the pie." He rolled his eyes at the blank look. "The bullets entering hole? The angle was far too steep to be made by a grown up holding the rifle. And the flat tires? A petty child's vengeance. And if that's not enough he tried to smash my head in with a steel rod just a few minutes ago."

"Who did?" The sudden growl made Reno's and Denzel's hair stand on edge and Kadaj looked a bit worried. Yazoo, however, only looked pleased with Loz's the sudden appearance even though there was a look of barely contained wrath on the oldest Remnants face face that made Reno realize what a very, very bad idea it would be to ever get the kitten-loving and emotional Remnant angry for real. Narrow green eyes burned with a cold, protective darkness that was an eerie reminder of just how bad it would be if Sephiroth's strength was ever released again.

"Yazoo is alright, Loz." Kadaj snapped with all the force of command he could achieve. "Calm down!"

But Loz was already walking up towards the table, murderous rage burning in his eyes and big hands twitching. Denzel said unmoving, frozen by deathly fear.

"Yazoo, stop him!" Kadaj snarled, getting to his feet. "Or the cost of cleaning up the blood stains and broken furniture will be taken from *your* clothes account!"

Pouting, but quick, Yazoo reached out a hand and grabbed Loz's wrist, stopping him immediately.

"It's alright," he purred. "I'm not harmed. I knew it was a child. I was never in any real danger."

Slowly Loz let himself be calmed, Yazoo draped around him. Denzel stared from one of them to another, still not convinced he was safe.

"Look, you can't hurt the kid, yo." Reno got up, wiping his chin. "If for no other reason, because Cloud would kill you if you did. I'll take him back to 7:th Heaven. I have to report to Rufus today anyway."

None of the Remnants looked too happy about that.

"How do we know he's not coming back?"

Reno nodded thoughtfully, his eyes on the boy.

"Leave it to me."

"Mind if I smoke?" Reno got out a cig and a lighter as the car drove with reckless ignorance of speed limits towards Midgard.

"Yes." Denzel sulked from the passenger seat, glaring out on the road.

"Tough shit." Reno shrugged and pulled deeply on the cig. "Where did you get the gun?"

"Grew up on the streets." The kid didn't look happy and he refused to meet Reno's eyes.

"You're thirteen years old. You get a gun. You sneak around places you have no right to be. You fiddle with motorbikes. You try to bash a guy's head in with a piece of steel." Reno shook his head, amused, and fumbled for something in his pocket. "Here." He flipped over a battered business card and grinned at Denzel's gaping. "When you get tired of that hero shit at 7:th Heaven, call this number and tell Tseng I sent you." Reno smiled wickedly. "We need people like you at the Turks."


	36. 15 Sentences of Family Bliss

15 sentences of Family Bliss, inspired by :iconphantom-chick:'s 50 sentences of Renaj .com/art/50-Sentences-of-Renaj-122650897 , but I have less patience than her…and most of these got longer than one sentence. Bah.

1 Season

It was difficult to imagine Loz and Vincent having anything in common, but when the soccer season started they claimed the TV as theirs, loaded up on beer and snacks, and sat up all night cheering and cursing, much to the irritation of the non-sport fans of the family

2 Measure

Some people had a problem with Loz and Yazoo's relationship, but Reno had seen so much worse as a Turk that a bit of clonecest barely measured on his weird-shit-ometer

3 Satisfaction

When Kadaj and Yazoo was having another hissing fit over the last pancake, Loz and his cats where tearing down the cupboard content in search of food and Cid was cussing and smoking indoors again, Vincent took a deep breath and smiled, the shadows of his past dispersing in the light of his family's loving chaos.

4 Sick

None of the four genetically enhanced men in the Valenwind household had any experience with being sick, so when Cid came down with a rather nasty flue they all panicked slightly; sending the Sephlings to the pharmacy to pick up some cold medicine had resulted in the confused and worried boys simply getting one of everything. Cid guessed most of it wasn't so bad; they were bound get uses for the bandages and headache pills sooner or later, but what the Hell was he supposed to do with the nursing pads?

5 Blood  
Kadaj had wanted to surprise Reno when he got home from work but the Turk that stepped into his apartment barely looked like his beloved red-head; he looked tired and worn out and blood had soaked through his uniform and dried in his hair and on pale skin, some of it obviously his own even though a Cure had taken care of the actual wounds. Reno recoiled, shocked at seeing Kadaj, shame lighting his face: *I never wanted you to see me like this!*  
Kadaj flipped open his phone, his eyes never leaving the stained, trembling Turk.  
"Yazoo…how do you best get blood stains out of a white shirt?"

6 Harm

Some would think Loz lets his brothers boss him around out of a deep inferior complex and a need to be loved; in reality it's the other way around and he lets them tell him what to do because he knows they love him and would never do him any harm.

7 Peel

It's a little known fact that Vincent Valentine can use his claw to peel potatoes

8 Pet

Galian Beast loves to be rubbed on the belly, but his claws tend to tear up the couch as his leg starts to twitch

9 Dry

"I want yer body, Valentine." Cid snuggled up to his husband.  
"I'm still using it."  
Sometimes it was difficult to know if Vincent had no sense of humor at all or if it was just very, very dry.

10 Quiet

The Remnants were natural quiet walkers, but they quickly learned to make some noise when entering a room because accidentally scaring Vincent when cooking always resulted in a mass of demon fire, a sulking gunman and a thoroughly burned dinner.

11 Issues

Cid didn't mind that his lover had a head full of demons, long periods of perpetual moping and all kinds of issues with doctors, nor that his adopted kids had once tried to destroy the world, sometimes heard voices in their heads and dated Turks. He didn't even much mind not being allowed to smoke in his own house anymore and having to fish out kittens from his tea kettle in the morning, but he stubbornly refused having to use shampoo that smelled like flowers, damn it. A man had to draw the line somewhere.

12 Delicate

Loz was far too big for anyone who didn't know him to try to bully around and no one wanted to mess with Kadaj who at least in theory could turn Sephiroth on their asses, but Yazoo was fair game to some of the low-brows in town.  
At least until four of them where found naked, *completely* shaved and hung from the towns church-bell tower. The doctor had to use pliers to remove the hairbrush, the nail polisher, the sunglasses and the mirror from where they had been shoved.  
When asked if he knows anything about it, Yazoo just smiles serenely.

13 Alcohol

Cid is like whiskey; an acquired taste, slightly rough and raw but with the ability to warm anyone up, Vincent is like brandy; deceptively old and mature and refined but with a punch that could knock you over any day, Loz is like beer, straightforward, bitter-sweet and with a heart of gold, Yazoo is like wine, slightly snobby, but smooth and fresh and velvety, and Kadaj….Kadaj is like a shot of vodka, and you'll never know what hit you. (Reno is like one of those garish and candy-sweet drinks that are served with an umbrella and makes you drunk just looking at it)

14 Leather

"No, I don't think semen works well as a leather conditioner."

15 Phone call

*Ring, ring*  
"Yes?"  
"Yo, I wanna talk to the hottest guy around."  
Yazoo looked out the window where Cid was cutting the grass in cut offs and a fedora, getting nicely tanned in the summer sun, Kadaj was taking a break in the shade of a tree and sipping soda through a straw with his plump soft lips around the straw, Vincent was completely unaware of just how sexy he looked rubbing sun lotion all over any exposed body parts and Loz was playing gently with the kittens, strong back and shoulder muscles rippling. Then he looked at the svelte, lean figure in the mirror.  
"I'm going to have to ask you to be a bit more specific than that."  
"Very funny, Yazoo."


	37. FB Women

Title: FB – Women

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Redaj, Lozoo

Rarting: there will be nudity

Summary: The Remnants discover the phenomena known as 'women' and Capey gets embarrassed

"I wonder if they'll explode if I poke at them." Kadaj said thoughtfully, staring in rapt fascination. "Like water balloons."

"They don't." Loz assured him, also staring curious. "I tried."

"Really?" Yazoo put his head to the side.

"Well, I just had to know!"

"You mean, when we were still puppets under Mother, and on a search for her head, and you'd just been in a huge fight, and discovered more materia then I've even seen in my life, you still took the time to squeeze Tifa's breasts?" Kadaj shook his head. "No wonder you took so long."

"I didn't squeeze them, I just poked them! And it was during the fight, so it doesn't count. It was involuntary. More or less."

"And they obviously didn't explode." Yazoo was still staring with his head to one side, like an enthralled cat. "Even though it looks like they should."

Tifa buried her face in her hands which incidentally also hid a bit of her cleavage from the three stares across the table.

"Cid, will you please tell those three perverts you are supposed to be raising to stop ogling my breasts?" She snarled. "Before I kick the crap out of them?"

"Boys, it ain't polite staring at a woman's boobs, least not when she knows it, or least not when she'd not flattered by it." Cid grinned. "Why don't ya go upstairs and help Vince prepare the guest room?"

"Ya have ta forgive them, Tifa." Cid smiled a bit. "It's not as if there's many women around here, normally, and no one as, um, ample as yerself." He shrugged. "And their experience with women as a whole is a bit hazy. Mainly there were their mother, and she was a cut off head, and then there were Elena, who must have caused them quite a bit of confusion, coming to think of it…"

"I thought you said they were gay!" Tifa hissed as the three Sephlings left the table.

"Yeah, well, they're still hormonal teenage boys, right?" Cid sipped his tea. "All men like boobs."

"All men?" Tifa asked sweetly, locking into Cid's wandering eyes.

"Well, um, ya know…."

Vincent wasn't in the guest room, but Tifa's bags with clothes were, partially unpacked and spread out all over the bed. Vincent's cape lay abandoned and rather sullenly in a corner, although when the Sephlings walked in it fluttered out and into Yazoo's arms where it could pet his hair with a sort of clothes – delight. Loz frowned at it.

"That cape better keep its little rags to itself," he muttered, "or I'm going to tear it up and use it for oil cloth."

Yazoo snorted and flipped his hair back.

"If you can have cats, then I can have a cloak." He said testily as Capey kept petting him. "It's only fair."

"At least the kittens are *my* pets, not the other way around!"

Kadaj frowned, ignoring the bickering to stare at full bags on the bed.

"How much stuff did she bring?" He poked at the piles of clothing. "This is more than what we had when we moved in here." Admittingly, at the time they'd owned nothing but their leathers, their weapons and their bikes, and that was just if you used the word 'owned' very, very loosely.

"She's not moving in, is she?" Loz said concerned, his jealousy of Cape distracted. "There's little enough room here as it is."

"And I'm not doing her laundry," Yazoo said haughtily, picking up something lacy and not very small. "How do you wash things like this, anyway?" He pulled it gently between his hands and it went *boing*. "It's elastic. And lacy. And…made of Kevlar?"

"It would have to be, to keep those things from bouncing around." Kadaj snorted.

Intrigued, Yazoo pulled of his own sweater and snapped the bra in place around his slim chest. He frowned at the huge amount of air between himself and the lacy, pink Kevlar.

"People actually confuse me with a woman? How is that even possible?" He turned. "Loz, do I look pretty in this?"

Loz rolled his eyes.

"You look absolutely ridiculous."

"That's not very nice to say!"

"Alright, you'd look much better naked."

"You always say that, no matter what I'm wearing."

"Because it's always true. Except, you know, that corset-thing and the high boots…"

"I don't need to hear this," Kadaj muttered. "What do you think this is?" He threw over a small box with white bullet shaped things.

"Looks like some sort of rolled up bandages." Yazoo turned them over in his hands and threw them to Loz. "But I don't know how they'd work."

"Oh! I know." Loz took out a bullet and demonstrated proudly.

Yazoo and Kadaj stared.

"It's way too big." Kadaj shook his head.

"Well, maybe hers is bigger than mine." Loz shrugged.

"Maybe." Yazoo wasn't convinced.

"Hey, look at this!"Without removing the 'bandage' Loz held up a smaller bag, this one only the size of a small shopping bag. "It's full of small jars of colour. Maybe she's a painter?"

"That's makeup. Reno told me about it. You use it on your face to get more attention. You know, like camouflage paint, only the other way around." Kadaj kept poking through the lacy things with some interest. "It works to."

He realized he'd said just a little too much as the mood suddenly turned very, very amused. Blushing, he tried to cover it up.

"I mean, I've seen it on other people, and it was…"

"Oh, really?" Yazoo purred in wicked delight at the teasing to come. "And were these 'other people' in the mirror by any chance?"

"Let's see what it looks like!" Loz grinned and dipped a big finger in some sparkly pink eye shadow, managing to smear it across the youngest Sephling's cheek. Kadaj hissed in outrage and tried to fend him off, but whiles he was occupied with Loz, Yazoo had already caught a mascara brush and managed to put a few stroked under Kadaj's nose.

"It looks like a moustache!" he giggled, "Loz hold him down, I want to make an entire beard!"

"Use that powdery thing, it looks like fun!"

"Let me go right now, or I swear I'll kick your asses so bad!" Kadaj screeched as he was bodily tumbled onto the bed, bras and underwear flying all over the room, Yazoo leaning over him with a wicked grin and a purple lipstick, Loz holding him down amongst the clothes.

A loud gasp interrupted them and they looked up guiltily.

Tifa was staring in on them, her hair wet and dripping as she'd just come from the shower, her eyes huge as she took in the three brothers, one in her bra, one in her makeup and one who appeared to have a tampon shoved up his nose , her towel slipping neglected towards the floor.

The Remnants stared. Tifa stared.

The towel slipped.

The blush on all faces probably raised the room temperature a good 5 degrees.

With a screech Tifa dived for the only other available cloth in the room and threw it around herself.

"What are you doing in here?" She hissed, the part of her that wasn't melted in complete embarrassment wondering why the Hell the Sephlings were looking even more embarrassed now than before. She pressed the cloth tighter to her body – it was more than long enough to cover her from her neck to her toes.

"Um…" Yazoo's face matched the pink bra he still had on. "That is…Capey."

"What?" She hissed.

"You are covering yourself with Capey," Loz winced, the tampon finally falling out of his nose.

Tifa threw a glance down at the cloth she'd mistaken for a torn blanket. It was indeed Vincent's red cloak and she could have sworn it had redder blotches all over as if it too was utterly embarrassed. Its torn edges were flicking around desperately.

Tifa gaped.

Kadaj, as always the fastest thinker, was already backing away towards the door, pulling his brothers along.

"And it's, um, not just emotional but…sentient."

The three Sephlings ran for their lives as Tifa cried out in horror, and threw the red cape out after them and screaming:

"Is there nothing in this household that isn't a pervert?"


	38. Camping

Title: FB- Camping

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Lozoo, Renaj

Rating: some blood, not much

Dedication: Idea by :iconbondofflamesviii: Thank you!

A/N: Moral of the story? Don't throw berry baskets on grizzly bears

The early morning fog had laid a glittering sheet of water crystals over the delicate spring green of trees and bushes; as the sun slowly rose they shone in a million sparkling colours, enough to rival any materia. A few birds had started singing, their voices an echoing, heartbreaking loneliness in the deep wilderness and on the other side of the lake a family of deer had ventured down to drink.

Kadaj looked out over the pristine forest and crossed his arms over his chest.

"This sucks," he whined.

"Oh, cheer up kid!" Cid boffed him cheerfully on the shoulder as he came walking past, his steps brisk and pulling deep breaths of what would have been clear morning air if he hadn't had the cig in his mouth. "It's good fer ya kids ta get out into free nature a bit. And we even let ya bring a toy!"

"Yeah, he's real fun." Kadaj snarled at his lover; Reno was squatting by the fire, so close his boots were smoldering, his hands over the little fire, looking even more cold and depressed than Kadaj did and pulling his own cig desperately in an attempt to get some warmth into his lanky body.

"I hate this!" He growled, shivering pathetically. "What the Hell use is streetsmarts when there ain't any streets? This is just green and wet! Everything is wet! My hair is wet, the bed cloth is wet, the food is wet, I swear even this fucking fire is looking soggy!"

"*Really* fun," Kadaj sighed. Not even the fact that he'd been allowed to bring Souba out here could cheer him up. "Look, we're city people, why do we have to go *here* on a vacation?"

"I don't know why you are whining so much." Vincent sat on a log, looking surprisingly comfortable in the wilderness. "You and your brother spent weeks in the Forgotten City. That isn't exactly the liveliest place on Gaia."

"But at least that was indoors! We were dry. We weren't sleeping on the ground under some stupid piece of leaking cloth!" Kadaj glared at the tent he and Reno had shared a very miserable night in, despite being more or less forced to sleep on top of one another because of the cramped spacing.

"My head hurts, and every fucking muscle I have is aching." Reno added, staring gloomingly into the dying fire. "And I'm feeling sick!"

"So no worse than your usual hangover, then?" Vincent asked mildly.

"Yeah, well, at least when I'm hung-over I know I had fun the night before!" Stabbing at the fire with a stick, Reno only succeeded in killing it faster; it seemed his usual pyromaniac abilities ended at the city boarder. "Tseng snickered when he granted me leave for this 'vacation'. Snickered! Tseng!" He spat in the fire. "Rude laughed his ass off." He added, hurt at the lack of compassion from his colleagues.

"Rise and shine!" Cid shook the last tent, whose inhabitants hadn't yet moved to greet the day. "Get yer asses up and out, boys!"

"Go away – we're dead." Yazoo groaned from the inside. "Or at least whishing we were."

"Oh, stop being such sissies." Cid rolled his eyes. "We got breakfast ta catch! C'mon Loz, I'll let ya gut the fish."

"I don't want to get up… wait, I get to gut something?" Loz sounded slightly more interested from inside the confines of the tent.

"Yep. Now get out before I find a skunk and throw it in there."

Loz and Yazoo finally crawled out, looking if possibly even more morose than Kadaj and Reno.

"Coffee." Yazoo groaned. "Need. Coffee."

"No coffee," Vincent said with a hint of sadistic pleasure. "Nothing we can't get ourselves. That's what living of the land means."

"No coffee?" Yazoo gasped in utter horror. His brothers instinctively took a step away from him.

"I've been stacking." Reno smirked, looking slightly more like himself and pulled out a small bag of ground beans from a pocket. "Coffee, cigs, chocolate…What do you have to trade for it?"

"I won't break your arm if you give it to me!" Yazoo snarled desperately.

"Reno, we told you only to bring survival gear." Vincent frowned.

"This *is* survival gear!" Reno protested.

"How did you smuggle all of that out here anyway? We went through your stuff." Vincent sighed.

"You *really* wanna know?" Reno battered his eyes in mock innocence.

"On second thought, I think I'll skip coffee today," Yazoo looked sick and made a gagging noise.

"I duct taped them up under the car, you pervert!"

Down by the lake, Loz was quickly getting more and more disenchanted by the idea of fishing, even if it meant he could gut them afterwards. The mosquitoes down here where as big as a fist! Maybe not his fist, but most likely Yazoo's. As big as Kadaj's, no doubt. And just as stubborn and stinging.

Captain Highwind had pulled out two rods, hooked a worm on one, and then sat down on a log with a long 'ahhh' sigh of pleasure. The little cork on the other end of the rod bobbed in the still water. Several other corks where bobbing from the brim of his hat, presumably to keep away the Kadaj's – fist – sized mosquitoes.

For a very, very long time nothing happened except Loz belly rumbling louder and louder and the chorus of complaints from his brothers - and Reno, whom Loz assumed he had to feed as well, or Kadaj would never let him hear the end of it - at the camp growing louder.

Loz lost his last scrap of patience.

"Loz, no!" But Cid's protest came too late. Loz had gone down on his knee and shoved Duel Hound deep into the water – electricity spread over a huge part of the lake and several fried fishes bobbed to the surface.

"Breakfast," Loz said with a smirk. "Is served."

"Yeah, ya bet." Cid sighed. "Look at yer legs."

Loz looked down and screamed in horror.

"Leaches!"

Vincent took the opportunity to quietly withdraw as the youngsters started to devour the fried fish as if they hadn't seen food in weeks, making an unholy fuss when they found an undercooked piece despite the fact that at home, they gladly ate sushi. And worse.

Away from the camp he felt the tranquility of the place wash over him, sooth his worries and ease his stress. He took a deep breath and let go of it, watched it pearl as it condensed in the still cold and crisp morning air. He smiled. Much as he loved his rag-tag family – and Cid, especially Cid – he needed this solitude and peace once in a while.

He found a small opening where the sun shone down and laid down on the dry patch of ground, soaking up the spring light. He was just going to relax for a minute, just close his eyes and listen to the lazy droning of insects and feel the sun on his face…

Vincent Valentine fell into deep sleep. But what awoke was something else.

"Picking berries," Kadaj muttered, savagely decapitating some innocent ferns on his way. "What am I, little Silver Riding Hood?"

Listlessly he pulled a few pink berries from a bush and threw them in the basket. He had no idea if they were edible or not, but they couldn't possibly cause as much ruckus as the mushrooms Reno had found. They had been shriveled, blue veined little things and Kadaj had no idea why Reno had been so happy to find them nor why captain Highwind had forced him to throw them on the fire, refusing anyone to taste them. Kadaj smacked a mosquito that had found its way to his delicate skin and now was flying around harassing other mosquitoes and glowing faintly mako green.

Nature! There were just too much of the bloody stuff.

A cold thought struck him and he turned around. The little path he'd been walking had turned into a deer track some while ago and making the mistake of all rookies in a wood, Kadaj had just assumed that a path needed to lead *somewhere*. The terrible thought washed over him that this needn't be so; a path needed just to *start* somewhere and then gently trail of into the undergrowth.

He had no idea how to get back.

"Could this possibly get any worse?" He shouted and flung the basket into the bushes.

That was when the grizzly bear rose, berry basket being torn to pieces in its massive jaws.

"Yazoo, get down from there!" Cid growled and stared up at the middle brother.

"I am not!" Yazoo glared back. "There's *bugs* down there! Spiders and bugs and spiders and, and, and *things*! With legs!" He waved at Loz's legs and arms, still covered with round, bloody marks where he'd torn off the leaches. "Look at that! You want that to happen to me to?"

"I don't want to fight with you, Yazzie." Loz said nervously. "But you can't stay on my shoulders this entire time."

"Why not?" Yazoo dangled his feet, one hanging down each side of Loz's neck as he sat perched on his shoulders. "It's not as if you're not strong enough."

"No, but…"

"But what?"

"Well, what if you have to pee?"

"Wait, where is Kaddy?" Reno rose, dusting of his trousers – or rather slapping off clumps of mud. His Turk uniform looked the worse ever and he doubted it would ever get clean.

"I sent him picking berries. What the Hell have you been doin'?"

"Nothing." Reno tried to hide the chocolate paper by stepping on it.

"Right. Give me that!" Cid scowled and held out his hand, but Reno hissed back, losing all patience.

"No fucking way! You are not *my* father figure!"

"That's right, 'cause if I were I wouldn't gladly leave you in these woods when we're going home! Now give me the damn chocolate!"

Sulkily, Reno surrendered the rather melted but still delicious bars. Highwind needn't know he had more stacked away in the tent.

Suddenly Loz and Yazoo tensed, their eyes getting a faraway look.

"Kadaj is in trouble!" Yazoo snapped out of the emotional bond and jumped down from Loz, his concern overriding his distaste. "We need to find him!"

"How?" Reno paniced.

"Where are those damn demons when you need them?" Loz whined, but no one had time to look for Vincent.

It wasn't as difficult to find Kadaj as Reno had feared; all they had to do was follow the bloodstains – which thankfully were red, with no hint of mako. After a few meters they found Souba, lying discarded on the forest floor, red blood on the blade. Getting increasingly more and more frightened, the four males tore through bushes and brambles, shouting and yelling, but there was no answer.

They came upon the angry grizzly amongst a stand of trees, the huge lumbering animal prowling and snarling, still with black cloth hanging from its claws. It turned and roared as they came, rushing against them with the force of a small tank. A bullet between its eyes put it down before it came near enough for close combat.

Yazoo kicked the dead bear he'd shot.

"I've got a dead bear here." He turned to Reno. "That has got to be worth at least one candy bar."

"A dead bear? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?" Reno looked appalled at the carcass. "I'm keeping the chocolate, yo."

"I don't know! Sell the skin it to Rufus and he can keep it in his office and use it to screw his employees on! It sounds like his tasteless idea of fun."

"Wait, have ya been blackmailing my boys fer candy?" Cid was not going to like Turks any better after this trip, he could tell.

"This ain't blackmailing! This is just teaching them about market economy!" Reno defended himself.

"But where's Kadaj?" Loz question brought them back to reality and the horrible sight of shredded black cloth and huge jaws.

"Kaddy? Kadaj!" Forgetting all about the hovering Highwind wrath, Reno started shouting, quickly followed by Loz and Yazoo whiles Cid started to survey the sight.

"I'm…I'm up here." Came a tight voice, wobbling as if it didn't know if it wanted to be heard or not. "Go away!"

"What? Kaddy!" Reno spun around, but there were no sight of his lover.

"Go away!" Kadaj's voice wailed, distraught.

Confused as to the direction of the voice, they all looked up. Kadaj was peering out behind the bought of a huge tree, probably standing on a branch.

"Kaddy? Are you alright?" Reno shouted up. "What happened?"

"It attacked me! I wasn't prepared!" Kadaj blushed. "I dropped my sword and had to flee up here."

"Didn't you hear us callin'?" Cid waved at him. "Get down here."

"No! I don't want to!" Kadaj blushed harder. "Um."

"What? Why the Hell not?"

"I…wasn't fast enough. The bear…it um, caught some of my clothes. My pants." Kadaj's head looked like it would explode. "If I hadn't torn them off it would have gotten me!"

"Are you saying…" Yazoo snickered wickedly, "are you saying you are stuck *naked* in a tree?"

"I'm not naked!" Embarrassed and angry Kadaj threw a twig at him, but Yazoo neatly side stepped it. "I'm just…not wearing pants!"

"Oh, we're sorry. You are just stuck in a tree – naked were it *counts*!" Loz doubled over, laughing.

"Ya just be glad it ain't a coniferous tree," Cid chuckled, relief from seeing his youngest 'son' alright making him giddy. "Or we'd be pulling needles from yer ass all afternoon."

"I hate you all!" Kadaj howled distraught, clutching on to the tree. "I'm never coming down!"

Reno finally managed to coax the un-amused Sephling down from the tree with the promise of being allowed to use his jacket as cover until they got back. Wrapping the blue jacked around Kadaj's lean waist wasn't easy as Kadaj kept throwing death glares at his brothers who just couldn't stop laughing. Loz at least tried to hide his snickers behind his hand but Yazoo showed no such restrain as he saw the jacket flapping around his little brothers legs like a makeshift skirt.

Finally, Kadaj snapped. With a carefully placed foot and a well timed hip-punch, he tripped Yazoo who fell heedlessly with a squark.

There came a soft *splat*. And from the mud Yazoo rose, trembling with wrath as the cold, squishy mud slowly seeped into his clothes, his ears, his nose and his hair.

"What's wrong?" Kadaj smiled evilly. "You just *love* mud masks at home."

"I'm going to – " Yazoo started but was interrupted by Loz, who stared into the woods.

"What the Hell is that?" He said with frightened awe.

The apparition was covered in mud, twigs and leaves, far more so than Yazoo was, its nose was red and swollen and there was a stench around it that could have made a skunk give up and go home. It was shaking with pent up anger, tearing at the itching leaves and swearing under its breath.

"….Vince?" Cid said doubtfully, holding his ground even as the others took a step back to avoide the horrible smell.

The usually so neat gunman was recognizable only by the glowing red eyes, but his anger wasn't directed outwards.

"I go to sleep," he hissed, "I go to sleep and relax for *one minute* and what happens?"

"I honestly have no fucking clue…" Cid started but Vincent wasn't listening.

"You are supposed to be demons! You are supposed to be a horror and a scourge to the world! You are not – and I'm talking to *you*, Death Gigas - *not* supposed to be picking flowers! Especially not carnivorous ones that bite back! I almost lost my nose to that bloody plant!" Vincent raged, oblivious of his audience and still pulling out leaves from inside his shirt.

"Eh, Vince? Darlin'?"

But Vincent was in full hissing spat.

"And *you*, Hellmasker! You want to saw down a tree, fine, but make damn sure there isn't a bee nest in it! A chainsaw is *not* an efficient weapon against bees!"

"Honey buns?" Cid's voice was quavering slightly.

"Don't you *dare* laugh, Galian! What the *hell* did you find to roll in? I smell like something twice dead and three times buried!"

"Vincent Valentine!" Cid roared in exasperation.

"What?" Vincent said distractedly, gingerly touching his swollen face.

"Ya have half a snake hanging from yer mouth…"

Scowling, Vincent reached up and pulled out the tail end of what had probably once been a rattlesnake.

"A snake does *not* count as a snack, Chaos!" He wailed, but reality must have finally kicked in because he jerked his head up and looked at the stunned crowd staring at him. He took in Kadaj's lack of trousers, Loz's multiple leach wounds, Yazoo's slim frame covered with mud, and Reno's chocolate covered face.

He blinked.

"What on Gaia happened to you? You don't even have demons!"

"They're quite able to screw up all on their own, Vince. Are ya alright?"

"No! I reek like a slaughtered, rotting pig, I have bee stings everywhere and my nose was almost digested by a plant!" Vincent crossed his arms. "We're going home, we're there's food and hot water and some salubrin to put on these stings!"

"But our vacation!" Cid protested.

"Cid we haven't been out here for a day yet and look at us!" Vincent waved his claw. "Kadaj isn't even wearing pants any longer! Wait, *why* isn't he wearing pants?"

"Long story that…" Cid sighed. "I jest wanted ta spend some time with my family, that's all."

"I know." Vincent started to put an arm around the morose blonde, but realized how he smelled and pulled back with a sour face. "And it was a wonderful idea, and you are a wonderful man to want that but…I think we're all better off in an urban jungle. But, if you really, really want it….we'll stay. For you."

Cid glanced around at his morose family; dirty, bleeding and pant-less.

"I can get you rooms at the ShinRa Plaza Hotel,yo," Reno offered, seeing an opening as the pilot hesitated. "Just the two of you. And I can take care of Kadaj. And Loz and Yazoo get the house for themselves. Everyone wins."

Four pair of eyes watched him with dire expectancy.

"Yeah, alright then." Cid gave up, faced with the full force of pleading looks. "But," He held up a hand before the cheering could start. "I want *one* barbeque evening tagther first! Don't worry, we'll have it at home."

"With beer?" Reno shone up.

"And meat?" Loz added eagerly.

"And corn?" Kadaj batted his eyes.

"And coffee?" Yazoo whined.

"Yeah, sure, all of that…coffee?" Cid queried.

"I don't want to have *any* meal without coffee from now on!" Yazoo said stubbornly.

"Sure, whatever."

"Great!"

Watching the four youngsters bounce down the path, eager to get home and gorge themselves, Cid couldn't help but smile.

"See?" Vincent put his arm around him. "It doesn't take much to make them happy."

"I guess not…hey, Vince?"

"Yes?"

"When we get home…need some help ta clean up?"

Vincent kissed him.

"Always."

"Good. But, eh, ya know I love ya, right?"

"Yes?"

"Ya might wanna floss out the snake first…."


	39. Chick magnet

Title: FB – Chick magnet.

Author: Enide Dear

Rating: cute

Pairing: Lozoo, Valenwind, Renaj

Summary: Is Loz straight? And Yazoo learns that vengeance is best served cold…

Yazoo was sitting on the porch, waiting as Cid and Loz came driving up in Cid's rusty old pick up, the back of it loaded with unknown metal parts that they'd picked up at the next farm – evidence that not all of Cid's airship experiments were successful.

"Did everything go well?" Yazoo asked as they stepped up on the porch.

"Yeah, sure. We got most of the parts, and I think I know what went wrong." Cid waved a dismissive hand in the air. "Yer brother is a real chick magnet, though."

Yazoo stiffened.

"Really?" He said coldly, glaring at Loz.

"Yeah, I think it's the hair, but what ya know. I'm having a cup of tea." Cid stepped inside.

"*Reeeeally*?" Yazoo turned to Loz who just nodded.

"I didn't do anything, but they kept following me around." He shrugged.

"Did they now?" He said icily, jealously rising inside him.

"Well, I couldn't just chase them away, could I? They're so cute."

"Loz!" Yazoo gasped in horror.

"What's wrong, Yazzie? You know how soft they are. And they make such sweet noises when you touch them…"

"Oh, and what about me then? Am I just ugly and, and, and…you know, never mind!" Yazoo hissed, overwhelmed with jealousy. "You just go back to your stupid girls!"

Loz stared.

"What girls?" He asked, completely bewildered.

Yazoo blinked, suddenly uncertain.

"What were you talking about?"He asked carefully.

"Chicks – you know, chicoboes? Baby chocoboes?" Loz said just as carefully. "They have lots of them on that farm. What did *you* think I was talking about?"

But Yazoo had already turned back to the house.

"That wasn't very kind, captain!" He shouted sulkily.

"In-yer-endo, Yazoo!" Came the shouted answer back.


	40. Babysitters

Title: FB - Babysitters

Author: Enide Dear

Paring: The usual suspects…

Warning/Rating: THIS FIC CONTAINS A SCENE THAT MIGHT BE CONCIDERED HIGHLY ICKY! The Remnants are odd people.

Summary: The Remnants are stuck babysitting.

The Remnants fave internet show by: :iconblue-demon-hybrid: Thank you!

"Awwww, who's a cutiecutiecutie then? Well, ya are! Ya are, ya little sweetiemunchiecuddly cutie!"

The Sephlings stared. Vincent dropped his jaw. Shera giggled.

Cid ignored them all and kept on making sickly-sweet noises to the gurgling baby in his arms.

"Didn't you know?" Shera asked. "Cid loves babies."

"Goochie, goochie, goochie." Cid kept on, his voice reaching hitherto unheard high pitches. The baby looked slightly appalled, although not as much as the Sephlings.

"But why?" Yazoo snorted. "It's even more useless than the kittens. I mean, it doesn't have that soft fur that would make such a lovely fur trimming on my jacket…"

"Yazzie!" Loz glared angrily at him, but as usually melted when Yazoo batted his eyes at him, murmuring 'I'm sorry' even as he gave a stray kitten a rather hungry glance.

"Oh Gods, chief, marry me." Vincent mumbled, melting at the sight of his normally so rough husband cuddling a baby.

"I already did, remember?" Cid looked up, grinning. "It was that huge thing where ya kept hiding under the table ta avoid attention. Not that I was complaining, mind ya."

"Cid!" Blushing, Vincent hit him on the shoulder.

"Ow! Careful, I'm holding a baby here." With a wink, Cid turned back to Shera. "'Couse we'll watch yer little girl fer ya tonight, Shera." He smiled, hitching up the baby higher. "Ya just have a good time with yer husband, ya hear?"

"Alright." Shera gave the Sephlings a wary glance but nodded at Cid. "I trust you, Cid. I've put a bottle of pumped milk in the refrigerator for you to feed her when he wakes up and diapers in the bathroom. Have a nice evening." She waved them off as she disappeared out the door.

Shera had barely been gone an hour when the phone rang. Vincent picked it up as Cid was currently crawling on the floor, trying to find a pacifier and the Remnants had withdrawn to their room, where Vincent suspected they were slightly jealous of all the attention the new arrival got.

"Vincent Valentine…what? Don't scream, Mr. Mayor, I can hear you fine – a dragon? In Rocket Town! Yes, yes, we'll be there." He hung up and swore. "Cid, we have a problem. There's a dragon attacking Rocket Town. We need to get there fast."

"No problem, you and me can handle a dragon without even breaking a sweat. I'll…" Cid interrupted himself and looked at the baby. "Shit, there *is* a problem, ain't there?"

"Yes. We can't leave her here." Vincent grabbed Cerberus. "I'll go alone."

"No way, nu-hu!" Cid shook his head. "The both of us can take down a dragon but ya alone? That would be dangerous!"

"We can kill the dragon." Kadaj un-lurked from where he'd been skulking on the stairs, green eyes shining eagerly.

"No, ya can't. Yer not allowed in Rocket Town with weapons. ShinRa would be down on our asses in no time."He glanced down at the baby, who had fallen asleep. "I guess we've got no choice…"

"Look, it's easy." Cid gave hurried instructions to the nervous Sephlings. "If she screams, ya feed one end or clean the other. There's really not much ta it. If yer lucky she'll sleep through it all."

"And if she's hurt in *any way*, you are all dead." Vincent growled, not liking this one bit, but Cid was right. There was no choice and the longer they waited, the more people would get hurt in Rocket Town.

"Don't worry. We took care of Kadaj when he was a toddler." Yazoo nodded. "And he turned out alright, didn't he?"

"It can't be that different from the kittens." Loz added.

"And if we got any questions, we'll call Reno." Kadaj didn't look very happy about it, but he nodded.

"Gods help her." Vincent mumbled as he hurried out the door.

With a baby's unerring sense of timing, she woke up in the middle of the Remnants favorite show "When Tonberries Doink People I Hate" and screamed as if she'd been tortured.

"Make her shut up!" Yazoo shouted over the noise and slammed his hands over his ears. "I'm getting a headache!"

"Maybe she needs a diaper change." Kadaj frowned down at the baby, who, now red faced and angry and wrinkled, had lost whatever redeeming cuteness she once had. Ad Yazoo was obviously useless, he turned to Loz with a sweet smile. "I'll flip you for it. Heads, I win, tails, you lose."

"Alright." Loz nodded as Kadaj tossed the coin, but Yazoo snatched it in mid-air.

"No cheating, Kadaj." He snarled.

"Hey! I thought you had your hands over your ears!" Kadaj sulked.

"I did, but I also know you. Flip fair."

As it turned out, Loz lost anyway. Not that changing a diaper turned out to be much of a challenge for someone who had survived Hojo's lab, but it didn't stop the crying.

"We need to feed her." Kadaj sighed and looked down on the baby again. She was turning a dangerous shade of red and he didn't like thinking of what Vincent would say if she accidently starved to death.

His brothers nodded. The Loz said what they all were thinking.

"Feed her what?"

"Yeah?" The voice on the phone was barely discernable over the baby's howling.

"Reno, I need some help." Kadaj felt his own head start to pound. How could such a small creature make so much noise? "Are humans related to chocoboes?"

"What's gotten into your screwed up brain this time, cutie-butt?" Reno grinned.

"Well, Yazoo saw this nature show about chocoboes and…anyway, we both walk on two legs and are about the same height, right?" Kadaj said a bit desperately.

"Nah, Kaddy, we're not related." Reno couldn't help but chuckle.

"I knew it!" Kadaj turned around and shouted into the room. "I was right, Yazoo! Now put away that worm!" Turning back to the phone he said gratefully: "Thank you, Turkey-boy."

"Anytime. See you Sunday – don't do anyone I wouldn't!"

"That doesn't really narrow it down, does it?" Kadaj stuck out his tongue despite Reno not being able to see it. It was the thought that counted. As he hung up he was glad he hadn't mentioned Loz's theory about humans being related to cats and thus should drink milk. Why give Reno more reason to think they were odd?

When he came back to the living room the baby had stopped howling and was sleeping once more. Both Loz and Yazoo looked exhausted and Kadaj knew he couldn't be much better off.

"She farted and then she fell asleep, thank Mother." Loz slumped in a couch.

"I'm pretty sure these babies are a health danger." Yazoo looked weary at the sleeping little menace. "I need a snack. You want some?"

"I think we could all use something about now," Kadaj nodded.

When Vincent and Cid returned they were splattered with mud and blood and delighted to be met by the sight of one sleeping baby – arms, legs and head still attached – and Yazoo handling them each a tall glass of frosty smoothies with raspberries.

"Jest what I needed!" Cid gulped down a mouthful. "A bit sweet, though, ain't it?"

"I thought we were out of milk?" Vincent frowned.

"I thought so to," Yazoo nodded and sipped his own drink, "but I found a bottle in the refrigerator."

Cid turned pale. Vincent turned paler. Then Cid ran for the sink and started to retch violently.

"What? What's wrong?" Loz had a milk moustache. "It's not turned sour or anything, it was just a little sweet."

"Stop drinking that! That's breast milk!" Cid coughed.

Kadaj gave him a curious look.

"Of course it is breast milk. That's were milk comes from. From cow's breasts or goat's breasts…"

"Those are called *udders*, Kadaj." Vincent carefully poured out his smoothie. "This is…human milk. From Shera."

"It's a Mother's milk?" Kadaj gasped.

"Yes!"

The Remnants exchanged glances, and then, quickly before Vincent could stop them, they gulped it down.

"Oh, that's jest gross." Cid whined from the depths of the sink.

"Well, see it as our chance of reliving some childhood." Kadaj grinned, licking his lips.

"That was the first and last time you ever did that!" Vincent cried angrily.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." Cid sighed.


	41. Lonely

Title: FB – Lonely  
Author: Enide Dear  
Rating: Ridiculous. And rather cute  
Pairing: YazooxNottelling

Summary: Trying to fight of loneliness, Yazoo finds affection with a long-time admirer

A/N: At first this one was almost NC-17….but I freaked. ^^; Hope you like it anyway! (Or because of that…)  
For: FrostofoblivionIV:'s crack fic challange!

Yazoo stared out over the hot and dusty plains surrounding the Valenwind home, chewing gently on his lower lip as he frowned in the merciless sun. The farm house was unusually empty and quiet, with Kadaj away in Midgard to meet Reno and Loz and Vincent away in the pickup to help Shera with something concerning her well. Cid was tinkering with the Highwind and even the kittens were nowhere to be seen – probably sleeping somewhere in a patch of sunlight.

It left Yazoo all alone in the house, and he didn't much like it. With no one around to tease or talk to he felt lonely and bored and those weren't feelings he was used to. Reaching out emotionally he felt Kadaj's giddy exhilaration and Loz's warm love, but it was no real substitute for having them here. Though he might not be as emotionally unstable as his brothers, his vanity and ego did need a lot of stroking and being beautiful and alluring was useless unless anyone was there to see it and get impressed.

He contemplated going out to the hangar to flirt with Cid, but shook his head. Cid would just laugh and ruffle his hair in that infuriatingly patronizing way that somehow conveyed a completely different kind of love and if Vincent found out all Hell would break loose, rather literally. And anyway, lately a strange feeling of *wrong* had started to surface at the thought of flirting with either of his foster parents.

And Loz would cry. Yazoo sighed. He sure hoped Loz remembered to bring him a gift from Rocket Town to make up for leaving him all alone like this.

The simple fact was, he wasn't made to be alone. None of them were and it made him nervous and edgy. He needed affection.

Of course, there where one he could turn to. But it was…weird. Even by his standards it was, well, weird. There really was no other word for it. Weird and slightly humiliating. But if no one would find out…

Yazoo sank down into foamy bath with a sigh of pleasure, content to once more be the center of someone's rapt attention and fussy love. Oh, but he *needed* this! He was taken care of and spoiled, and that was the important thing. He tried to ignore the fact that his usually so flat and silky hair was puffed up on his head in a curly pile that looked disturbingly much like that on a poodle. He tried to ignore the happy little jingling sound that the bell on the bow around his neck made. He *really* tried to ignore the sharp scent of the bubbles that came from a bottle of Special Anti-Flea Shampoo. And he tried to ignore the fact that his care-taker must have learned pet-care from Loz and Kitty.

He cracked open one eye just a tiny fraction and gave an exasperated sigh even as he almost purred under the gentle caresses on his head and neck. The red swirls of cloth hovered over him, delighted to get a chance to really care for its pet.

"I don't care what you think," he said stubbornly. "If you want to get me a treat, find some chocolate." He yawned and stretched out. "I'm not eating cat nip."


	42. Additions

FB- Addition  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo, Unexpected  
Rating: Insane  
Warning: crackcrackcrackcrack  
A/N: I do this of padawan – san Erfan Starled….no one else could have talked me into it

"What is *wrong* with Capey?" Yazoo testily pushed the hovering cloak away, dislodging the strangle-like hold around his neck. "It's been stalking me for weeks!"

"Well, it likes ya, ya know that." Cid looked up from his paper, trying to contain a smirk as the flustered Remnant tried to edge away, only to be cut off and almost tripped by the moving cloak.

"Yazoo is right, though." Vincent frowned at his run away cloak. "Capey has been acting weird lately."

"It's a moving, sentient cloak!" Cid shook his head. "How could ya possibly tell what is normal or not for it?"

"Because I've spent a lot of time with Capey, and its never behaved quite like this before." Vincent frowned and tried to sweep up Capey and rescue the annoyed Sephling, but Capey withdrew into a sullen pile of constantly moving red cloth. "Capey!" He waggled a warning finger. "Stop this nonsense immediately!"

Very, very reluctantly, Capey moved out of his corner, with one last longing shred reaching out for the adamantly stubborn Yazoo. Vincent gathered it up in his arms.

"I need to get on with my work out," Vincent mumbled. "I can swear Capey is getting heavier."

"We can always do some bedroom push-ups…" Cid said hopefully, but Vincent wasn't listening.

"Yazoo, is there anything you want to tell us? Why is Capey acting like this? If I didn't know better, I'd say it's nervous. I've never seen it billow so much before. As if it doesn't want to be still."

Yazoo squirmed, and threw a guilty look at Loz.

"Capey's been like this since I let it give me a bath." He finally confessed.

"You did what?" Loz's eyes misted over with hurt. "Why?"

"I was lonely! No one was at home…it was just that one time, I swear!" Yazoo tried to sit down on his lap, but Loz was already out of the chair and hurrying out the door, slamming it shut behind him. "Look what you made me tell him!" Yazoo screamed angry at the Valenwinds and hurried after Loz.

Cid put the paper down.

"How the Hell is this our fault?" He sighed.

"I have no idea. Capey? Are you alright?" Vincent tried to pat the cloak but it squirmed away and kept moving. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you are hiding something." He scowled at the cloak. "I've never seen it so emotional."

Cid suddenly sat up straighter, his tanned face a shade paler.

"Yeah. And ya know, I think I know where I've seen this behavior before. I think I need ta call Shera."

Yazoo had managed to sooth down Loz and they walked hand in hand again as they stepped in the house – only to be met by two very stern glares from Cid and Vincent and a nervously jumpy Kadaj who didn't seem to know if he should giggle or be shocked.  
Capey where in the middle of the room, still for the first time in weeks, although it kept a strange shape, not its usual smooth fall of red cloth.

"Yazoo, do you have something *else* you want to tell us about?" Vincent said icily.

"What the Hell were ya doin' in that bath?" Cid seemed outraged.

Genuinely confused, Yazoo stared at them.

"What do you mean?" He asked, squeezing Loz's hand a bit harder.

"Capey is pregnant." Kadaj blurted, earning scowls from both his foster parents.

Yazoo turned bright red. Capey billowed out nervously around a large round section in its middle. Loz looked like he choked and dropped Yazoo's hand.

Yazoo panicked. His mind going blank with dread, he rushed forward and grabbed Capey, tearing it up from the floor with a scream of denial and tossed it heedlessly out the nearest window, slamming it shut.  
Four pairs of eyes stared at him in utter shock and Yazoo fled, pushing past Kadaj and running for the bedroom.  
He didn't stop until he'd shut the door tight and locked it down, leaning against the door and trembling. Not until then did the tears come.

It was by far the worse night in Yazoo's life. Yes, there had been horrors unimaginable in the labs. And other kinds of torment during their unrelenting chase after Mother. But nothing, nothing compared to this, because at no other time had he done what he'd done now – betrayed the trust of his brothers. Loz must hate him. He had the right to hate him. When Yazoo reached out, tentatively, he felt only that abysmal disappointment, so strong he withdrew immediately. There were no comfort to be found from Kadaj either; the youngest brother was far too confused.

Yazoo paced, unable to sleep, replaying the scene and information over and over in his head. Capey pregnant? How had that happened? Yazoo's understanding of conception was a bit vague, a strange mixture of prejudice knowledge from the labs and Cid's admittingly very eloquent but rather confused lessons, but Yazoo was pretty sure that sex had to be involved in some way. Yazoo knew sex, and he hadn't had it with any piece of clothing, and most certainly not Capey. Or had he? What constituted as sex for a sentient cape, anyway?

Was he going to be a *father*?

It was morning before Yazoo worked up the courage to go downstairs again. His hair was a mess, his eyes red from crying and lack of sleep and he'd bitten his nails down so far they bled, but he couldn't even care. Vanity was all washed away in the face of what had happened.  
And, most importantly of all, he had to ask forgiveness from Loz. Ask, or beg. Anything. Whatever it took, he'd do it.

The rest of the family where gathered around Kitty's basket, a plush thing where she deigned to sleep only when she couldn't spend the night in the Sephlings' bed. Loz looked up first, and recoiled slightly.

"Oh, Yazoo." He sighed. "How *could* you?"

"I'm sorry, Loz, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I don't know what I did, I would never cheat on you…" Yazoo realized he was rambling desperately and shut his mouth hard. He was trembling now, trembling hard.

Loz just stared at him.

"What do you mean?" He finally said. "*I* am not hurt, but you threw out Capey through a window! It could have been hurt! And it was pregnant and everything!"

"You mean…you don't hate me?" Yazoo could barely believe it, not until Loz got up and carefully wrapped his arms around him.

"I could never hate you." He mumbled into the long hair. "You know that. You *do* know that, right?"

"No," Yazoo sniveled into his chest. "I didn't. And you *should* hate me! I…I…Capey…"

"Well, I don't know how the Hell ya did it, but yer a father now, so suck it up." Cid growled, not very happy. He moved over a bit and did a flourish gesture at the basket. "Congratulations. Ya've got Capelets."

Clambering onto Loz, Yazoo stepped forward.

The basked was crowded. Kitty was taking up most of it, with a cats ability to stretch out and making itself comfortable anywhere, and her kittens where stumbling around, eagerly and happily playing with what appeared to be palm-sized pieces of red cloth, which billowed and moved around awkwardly on the basket, or hanging onto Capey, which lay exhausted but happily in one corner.

"Oh dear Mother, I'm a father." Yazoo said weakly, his legs not supporting him and leaving his weight for Loz to handle.

"They're really, really cute." Loz tried to sooth him. "Like little handkerchiefs. And the kittens love them."

"Careful there," Vincent removed a kitten from one little piece of cloth. "No tearing. They're just newborns. Newtorns. Or something."

"How did I…I mean, I never…" Yazoo faintly petted one little cloth. It rubbed affectionately against him.

"Beats me." Cid sighed. "Remnant magic?"

"I just hope you washed of afterwards." Vincent shuddered. "I've been *wearing* Capey!"

"I never had sex with Capey!" Yazoo protested. "That would be…I mean, how would it even be done?"

"Hey, look at this!" Kadaj managed to dislodge a new piece of cloth from beneath the excited kittens. "This one's different." He carefully lifted up a yellow Capelet.

"Hey, isn't that the same colour as your scarf, captain?" Loz frowned.

"Capey!" Vincent stared at his cloak, which had the decency of looking terribly embarrassing. "Oh Gods, my cloak is a skank!"

"Fucking Hell, that's just disgusting!" Cid tore of his scarf and stared at it. "I've been wearing that!"

"So you mean…I am *not* the father?" Yazoo squeaked with hope.

"Doesn't look like it. I guess Capey were just trying ta get some attention from its pet." Cid grinned. "Let that be a lesson ta ya, kid. Never have one night stands without protection."

"But I didn't!...you are just teasing me now, aren't you?" But Yazoo couldn't really sulk; he was giddy with relief, leaning in Loz's arms.

Loz's looked confused, although relieves as well as he held on to Yazoo, hugging him tightly.

"But how do two pieces of clothing even…I mean, where do they…am I the only one who doesn't get this?"

Vincent gave him a long look.

"Are you really, really sure you want to know?" He asked. "And please think before you answer."

Loz opened his mouth, then closed it, mulling it over. He looked at Capey, then at the scarf, then at the twirling little Capelets.

"You know, I think I'm much happier *not* knowing how capes mate." He said slowly.

"Good. Because we have a more urgent question to consider."

"We do?"

"Yes." Vincent stroke a little Capelet. "What do we name them?"

A/N: This plot bunny dies here! Here, I tell you! There will be no more fics with the Capelets from me, this family is strange enough as it is without them, thank you very much. There were awfully cute though…


	43. Romantic evening

Summary: Drabble, brabble, drabble...

"Loz promised we'd have a romantic evening." Yazoo sipped his coffee, his green eyes shining eagerly.

"M-hm," Kadaj said rather uninterested, one eye on the comic he was reading, sipping his own coffee. "So where's he taking you?"

"Probably over the kitchen table." Yazoo smirkedas his younger brother spluttered his coffee over the comic, but before Kadaj had time to find a good answer, Cid was shouting from the other room:

"Yazoo! What have we said about sexual escapades on furniture we all have acess to?"

Yazoo pouted.

"Clean up your own mess and use desinficants? You know, that really takes away the romance..."

"And?" Vincent interupted him from the same room.

"And use our own damn desinficants as you two are tired of yours alwas being used up?"

"Damn right!"


	44. Doner part I

Summary: What happends when the irresistible force known as the Turks meet the unmovable object known as Cid Highwind?  
A/N: Why is to so much fun to hospitalize Reno?  
Dude looks like a lady: watch?v=WwBa2NfFdFg

"Duuuuuuuuuuuude looks like a lady!" The drunken laughter, veering on the very edge of what might be called song, made both Cid and Vincent jump high in their bed, scaring at least two kittens that hissed and ran for cover.

"What the hell…it's 3.30 in the morning!" Sleepy- eyed and pissed, Cid threw of the blankets, stumbling to his feet.

"Is that Reno?" Vincent tried to block out the 'song' by pulling a pillow over his head. "I thought he was on a mission!"

"Seems like he's back." Grumbling, Cid threw open a window and screamed out to the tottering and piss-drunk Turk stumbling around on his yard with the remains of a guitar in his arms: "Reno! What the fuck do ya think yer doing this time?"

"Singing a love song for my oh so pretty boyfriend, of course!" Reno shouted back, stumbling over and landing on his ass, once and for all smashing the miserable instrument. Guitar strings went flying with a *boink*.

Peering sideways, Cid could see Kadaj hanging halfway out his bedroom window, giggling like mad and wearing practically nothing, his brothers behind him and also laughing at the red-head's antics.

Scowling, Cid shook a fist at Reno.

"Are ya drunk again?"

"I hope so, or all that vodka was a real waste of money, yo." Reno tried to pick himself up, but failed and lay in a laughing pile on the grass.

"I've told ya not to show up here drunk!" Fuming, Cid fumbled for something to throw and grasped something furry. For a horrifying second he feared he'd actually thrown a kitten, but as it bounced on Reno's head he realized it was only one of Vincent's morning slippers.

"Ow!"

Cid slammed the window shut before he could hear Reno's shouted retort and crawled back into bed with his husband.

"I swear that kid is drunk more than he's sober." He grumbled, pulling the blanket closer around the two of them.

"Umf." Vincent was too tired to discuss Reno, but winced as the 'singing' from outside started all over again. "Someone should tell him 'Dude looks like a lady' isn't normally considered a love song…."

Cid took some sadistic pleasure in making as much noise as possibly during breakfast next morning, even though he doubted anything less than a falling section of the Plate could have woken Reno. Vincent was reading the paper as the three Sephlings came walking in, stretching and yawning and sniffing appreciatively at the food.

"Where's Reno?" he asked, folding the paper.

Kadaj shrugged, reaching for toast.

"He'll be down, said he wasn't feeling very good."

"No damn wonder," Cid muttered, but turned at the shuffling sound of feet in the corridor. "Well, well, well, look who's coming…" he trailed off.

Reno looked like a wreck; he was hunched over one side like he had painful cramps, his face was white and he was clutching the doorframe like it was the only thing that held him up. Whatever assailed him, it was not a simple hang-over.

"I'm not…feeling well…" He managed, pressing his hand to his side as the family stared at him in wide-eyed shock. Something trickled from his mouth. "Call…Rude.."

And then he twitched and fell forward, losing consciousness before he even hit the floor.

It was Reeve who brought out the news to the nervously pacing Valenwind family that was waiting in the hospitals waiting room, probably because the doctors figured that since the Sephlings knew and rather liked Reeve, they probably wouldn't kill him straight out. The bearded man looked harassed and scared as he approached them in the empty waiting room.

"How is he? Can I see him?" Kadaj jumped up and ran towards Reeve.

"He's…"Reeve sighed bur pressed on. "His kidneys have given up. Too much drink and stress. He's...not well. He needs to get a transplant, and soon."

"Fine!" Kadaj snapped and turned to Loz and Yazoo. "You two, fix him a kidney! Just don't take one in the hospital, they might be deceased. Someone fresh. It won't take long," he shrugged as he turned back to an appalled Reeve. "They'll rip one out for him in no time."

"No!" Cid moved to block the door. "Ya ain't gonna go tear some poor bastard's kidney out, ya hear? We raised ya a hell of a lot better than that!"

"But Reno needs one!" Kadaj glared at him. "It's an emergency. We'll be good boys….when this is done."

"Kadaj…" Cid said threatening, but before he could continue someone tapped his shoulder.

"Kindly move out of the way, Mr. Highwind." Tseng, calm and composed but obviously strained was standing just outside, flanked by Elena and Rude. "This is Turk business…"

"No, it ain't. Not this time." Cid stubbornly said although he stepped aside to let them in the waiting room. "Reno ain't shot or stabbed or anything this time. He's sick, though."

"He needs a kidney transplant," Reeve explained.

"He can have one of mine then!" Kadaj trembled, his desperation for Reno overcoming his fear for doctors.

"No! Take mine instead!" Yazoo quickly shot in, just as Loz said:

"Mine's better. They're bound to be bigger!"

Reeve shook his head.

"Too much mako in you. He'd get mako poisoning and die within a few hours. And we need a donor with the right blood type."

"We'll find someone." Tseng cut in, harshly. "Elena's going through records of ShinRa employees. Once she finds one that match, we'll...persuade them to donate."

"Yer just gonna blackmail some poor guy ta give up his kidney? Fer a Turk?" Cid made a sour face. "I should have jest let the boys go kidnap someone of the streets!"

"I do what I have to, Mr. Highwind." Tseng clipped. "I'm not looking for your permission. Elena?"

"Yes, sir, I've found one." The blonde woman hesitated. "But…"

"Good. Rude, prepare the chopper, we're leaving immediately."

Rude nodded and started to hurry away, but Elena grabbed his jacket.

"No need." She said. "The only viable doner in ShinRa files…is Cid Highwind."

All eyes turned on Cid who took at step back.

"Oh, shit."

TBC


	45. Doner part II

Vincent had led his pale-faced husband off to an empty room, trying to get him to calm down and to get out of the way of six pairs of staring eyes. Cid was trampling back and forward, tearing his hair.

"Shit! Ya know I'd do a lot of things for that kid but…a kidney? Ain't that asking jest a bit much? I mean, I'm still using 'em!"

Trying to calm him, Vincent put his arms around the agitated pilot.

"Well…" he started, but didn't get any further before the door was slammed open and a small silver head came running in; throwing himself around Cid's waist.

"Please!" Kadaj's eyes were shiny with tears, his voice trembling. "Please, I'll be good, I'll do anything you want, I'll clean my room and eat my vegetables and stop trying to kill the mailman…"

"Kadaj," Vincent sighed as he saw agony twisting Cid's face. "It's Cid's choice. Just give him some time, ok?" He turned back to Cid. "Take your time. It's a tough decision. We'll wait for you outside."

"Yes, but…." Kadaj was still protesting when Vincent led him firmly but gently out the room. One last "Pleeeeaaaase!" could be heard before the door was shut.

Cid fought the urge to throw his phone out the window as the door to the room was opened once more. He scowled as the neat, tall Turk stepped in.

"And what are ya gonna offer, Tseng? Money? Technology? Re-opening the Space program?"

Tseng cocked his head and rose an eyebrow.

"Would it help?"

"No, yer boss already tried that. Sounded damn desperate to." Cid slumped in a chair, rubbing his temples.

"I figured as much. You are not a man to be bought. I'd think less of you if you were."

"Flatter ain't gonna get ya nowhere either." Cid sat up straighter. "And if ya so much as think of threatening my family…"

"I won't. I'm not going to try to bribe you or blackmail you. All I can say is…please." For a second, the mask fell and behind it, Cid could see real fear, real desperation. "Please help my Turk."

"Why? Why do ya care so much about one Turk?"

"You should know, Mr. Highwind." Tseng sighed. "I know you don't want to believe it, but we are more similar than you think. We've both chosen our families. And the Turks are mine." He smiled wryly. "Even the wild one out there on a stretcher."

Cid sighed.

"Ya know, I don't owe ShinRa anything. Nothing."

"I know." Tseng got up. "That's why I'm begging."

"I don't know, I jest don't know." Cid shook his head whiles Vincent tried once more to calm him. "The kid is trouble. He'll get Kadaj inta trouble! And I don't Turks as a general rule. Ya know, present company of course excluded."

"I know." Vincent sighed. "But does Reno deserve to die because of that?"

Cid groaned.

"I guess not."

"Ah, I feel so loved, yo." Reno grinned weakly from his operation table.

"I hate ya, ya know that?" Cid growled back.

"'Course you don't." Reno yawned as the sedatives started to kick in. "Everyone…everyone loves the Reno…"

Epilogue

A few weeks after the operation, Cid found his red-headed new kidney owner sitting on a chair in the Highwind's kitchen. Outside, night was falling. Cid glared.

"Are ya smoking with my kidney? *And* my smokes?"

"Hey, just trying to make it feel at home, yo" Reno winked and pulled on his cig, throwing the packet to the captain, who scowled and took it. "So, I got word from Tseng."

"I ain't paying for that hospital bed," Cid lit his own smoke.

"Nah, that's been taken care of. No," Reno added a bit more seriously. "Tseng figures we owe you."

"Does he now?" Cid sat down and poured his tea.

"Yeah. And he's pretty much given me a free pass to give you anything the Turks have to offer."

Cid snorted and stirred in sugar.

"Ya guys sure are full of yerselves. And ain't one of ya that I'd ever get inta bed with."

"I don't think he meant it like that," Reno smiled wryly, "although I'm sure something can be arranged if you should change your mind. But there's a lot of things the Turks can do for a person, yo. For one thing, we got your file since you worked at ShinRa. You want it erased? No one will ever know you had connections with our nasty little corporation. Maybe you got some other dirty secrets you want buried? We'll make sure they're never found. 'C'mon, you can tell me. Whatever it is, I probably have heard of it before. And done it myself." Reno watched him carefully, but Cid was busy with his tea and paid him no heed. "Or we can do it the other way around. You are a businessman…kinda. Got any competitors in the airship line you want drawn down? We'll find the dirty on 'em, Then we can either blackmail them or crash their business entirely."

"And what if there ain't any dirt?" Cid blew on his tea, blue eyes hooded.

"We'll plant some. No biggie." Reno leaned back. "Or we can steal something for you. Technology, aerial maps, goods, you name it."

"And if I'd want someone taken off the game, ya know, permanently?" Cid still didn't look up.

"Can be arranged. They'll never trace the body to you." Reno shrugged.

"Well," Cid sipped his tea. "Ya sure have given me a lot ta think about. Anything I need, huh?""

"As long as it doesn't do any long-term damage on ShinRa." Reno watched him closely.

"A man would be crazy ta say no ta an offer like that. Tell ya what," Cid sat up straight. "There's something I've been needing taken care of fer some time now. I figure the Turks could handle it smoothly. But…I don't want Vince or the boys ta know about it, alright? So how about I send them away next weekend, and the four of ya can get over here. I'll fill ya in on the details."

For a second, Cid saw a disappointed glance in Reno's eyes. Then the red-heads usual cynic look settled back in. He killed the cig and got up.

"Settled, then. See you next week, yo."

"Yeah. Bring clothes fer dirty work, though."

Cid couldn't help but smile when Reno nodded and disappeared out in the gloom.

"And you are sure those psychos won't be there?" Elena asked for the umpteenth time as they approached the farm.

"Cid promised they would be away." Reno sat, a bit depressed watching the road go by.

"What would he need all of us for?" Tseng sighed. "I have work to be done back at the office."

"Didn't say." Reno mumbled.

"You ok, partner?" Rude asked a bit worried.

"Yeah, yeah, I just thought...Cid made me think there might still be decent…fuck it." Reno sighed. "I guess there ain't any good people in the world."

"You should know that by now," Tseng muttered as he drove up and parked by the hangar.

The four Turks stepped out of the car even as Cid opened the door. He frowned at them. Reno, Rude and Elena were in casual clothes, worn and stained, some of the stains a suspicious rust-red colour, the red-head hanging back a bit, morose. But Tseng…

"That's what ya call clothes fer work?" He looked at Tseng's suit.

"It's my worse suit. It has coffee stains." The Head of Turks explained, waving at the cuff. A less intelligent man might have seen that as Tseng being the less dangerous one. Cid was not one of those.

"Too clever ta get blood on yer clothes, huh? Well, I've got work fer ya."

"Do tell." Tseng straightened up a bit, but took a nervous step back as Cid waved at a pile. "Wait…"

"Hey, ya offered ta help with what I needed, right? And I need ta get the house painted."

"Painted?" Elena squeaked. Rude looked a bit faint. Tseng's face was getting redder.

"I can call in professionals in no time…"he started, but Cid cut him off, waving a finger.

"No! I want *ya* ta do it." He grinned. "All nice and smooth and secret-like."

Three Turks turned as one as Reno suddenly burst out laughing. Ignoring his colleagues pissed-off glances he turned to Cid.

"You know, captain, I think I know why the Sephlings love you so much," he sniggered.

"Glad ta hear it." Cid threw him a paintbrush. "Now get ta work."


	46. Vitamines

"?" Cid and Vincent jumped with surprise and slight embarrassment as Kadaj came running into the living room, jumping from foot to foot in uncontainable desperation all the whiles hunched over, his eyes huge and his face flushed.

"What? Reno ain't here, Kadaj, now piss off, ya were interrupting a very interesting…conversation." Cid growled, not amused at being disturbed.

"Why is that stupid Turk never here when he's needed?" Kadaj screeched and ran out the room towards the bathroom which he slammed shut after him.

Cid and Vincent exchanged a look and got out of the couch with a sigh. Vincent knocked carefully on the bathroom door.

"Kadaj? Are you alright?" The gunman smoothed down his hair. "Is everything alright in there?"  
He pressed his ear to the door, but all he could hear were a few curses of 'stupid Turk'. Vincent looked back at Cid and shrugged.

"Ya two know anything about this?" Cid asked Loz and Yazoo who were just coming around the corner.

"Yes." Yazoo said, smiling proudly. "It seems the vitamins worked."

"What vitamins?"

"Kadaj was feeling a bit low," Loz explained, "so we gave him some coffee and vitamins."

"A lot of vitamins," Yazoo added. "It takes quite a lot to affect mako-bodies."

"But we don't have any vitamins." Vincent frowned.

"Sure we do. I found them furthest in the pantry. They're blue pills with a 'V' on them."

Cid blanched a bit and stepped away as Vincent turned on him.

"They're from when I was married ta Shera, I swear! I haven't needed them in years!"

Rubbing his temples, Vincent sighed.

"So…just how many 'vitamins' did Kadaj take?"

"Five or six?" Yazoo shrugged. "No more than seven, I'm sure."

"Poor kid." Cid couldn't help but grin. "He's gonna have aches in his wrist tamorrow…"


	47. PMS

Summary: Vince has PMS (Pre Monster Syndrome)

A/N: This started out funny, I swear! But something happened along the way.

_

"Alright, are we having a barbeque?" Loz brightened at the sight of the heavy piece of raw meat that Cid put in the fridge.

"No, and don't ya dare touch that, a'right. It's not for us." Cid threw a warning glance at the Remnants.

"Then who? Are we having guests?" Yazoo wondered.

"Sorta." Cid glanced at his husband who was pacing restlessly in the living room; the gunman had been short-tempered and snappy all day and Cid knew the signs when he saw them. He threw a glance out the window and his keen pilot eyes could see the thunderstorm coming, even though it would probably take all day to get to Rocket Town. "Jest ya boys stay close ta the house tanight."

The Remnants might not have been very good at picking up and understanding human emotions, but the dark, violent cloud that lay over Vincent during the day was more than enough to make them back off and leave him alone as much as possible.

"What is wrong with him?" Kadaj whispered to Cid when Vincent had just snapped of Yazoo rather brutally when the long-haired Sephling tried to steal a piece of the chocolate that Vincent had been more or less gorging himself on all day.

"PMS," Cid answered quietly.

"What? I thought only women got those!"

"Ain't many women that gets this kind of PMS…."

_  
The thunderstorm hit Rocket Town in a storm of rain and howling winds at late afternoon; the air smelled of ozon and lightning cracked. The Remnants came running in as the rain started to pelt down, but was met in the door by Cid and Vincent going the other way.

"I have to go now, chief." Vincent was fidgeting; there seemed to be something wrong with the way he was standing, as if he was hunching over. "I'll be back…when I can."

"A'righ, love. I'll miss ya." Ignoring the confused Sephlings Cid kissed his husband. "Take care, will ya?"

Vincent nodded and unclasped Capey, which fluttered over to Yazoo to be held. Without another word, the dark gunman disappeared into the storm. With a sigh, Cid watched him leave.

Several hours later there was a scratch on the door, a loud, insistent scratch and the Remnants tensed. The storm had been raging for hours and no one would voluntary be out here, in the middle of nowhere, in such a weather. Cid got up and glanced out a window.

"Hey Kadaj, get me a towel, will ya?" He said as he fumbled with the door. "An old one, and big."

He opened the door.

Outside, lit by random, erratic lightning and easily a head taller than the captain or more stood a huge beast. The howling wind pulled at purple fur that dripped, soaked with rain and sleet, a slobbering tongue hung out between yellow teeth and claws tore spastically at the sides. Eyes like red and purple ember glowered and a snarl rose as it saw the Remnants.

"Galian. If yer done playing now, then come inside." Cid stepped aside and the monster fell to all fours and tottered in, huge muscles bouncing underneath fur gone slick with rain. It looked at the Sephlings and the snarl became a growl so low-toned it shook the walls.

The kittens scattered at amazing speed, howling with fear; Kitty rushed up Loz's leg and under his sweater and Yazoo looked like he wanted to do the same. Kadaj dropped the towel and reached for a sword he didn't have.

"Don't ya dare!" Cid grabbed the monster by the scruff of its neck and held it back. "I've told ya a dozen times - ya don't shake yerself dry in here! This might not be the cleanest house on Gaia, but this ain't a dog yard either!" The pilot waved with his free hand. "Get the towel over here, Kadaj."

Crouching very carefully, Kadaj picked up the towel and tossed it in the general direction of the monster. It landed draped over its head and the monster whined.

"Yer such a sissy, Galian." Cid muttered as he started to wipe down the beast. "It can't be that bad."

"It has a name?" Yazoo quavered a bit from behind Loz, who was temporarily distracted with trying to dislodge cat claws from his chest.

"Oh yeah. This is Galian, one of Vince's demons. The only one who comes out with some regularity." Cid grunted as he tried to lift a paw as big as his head. "He likes thunder and stormy nights, but he sure is a wimp when it comes to getting clean afterwards. Paw up, buster boy, or ya ain't getting any food!"

The monster gave him a pitiful look but obeyed and let Cid dry him.

"So…" Kadaj tried to fight down his fear - the only other demon they'd seen were Chaos and that demon didn't like them. At all. "So it's really Vincent in there, right? Just with another…body."

"Oh, no." Cid rose up and tossed the towel over a radiator. "Vince says it's like sleeping. He has no control over the demons once they take over. This is all Galian. I mean, Vince wouldn't spend hours running after a stick, right?"

"Depends on what stick," Yazoo said shakily, but no one was paying his quips any attention. Cid continued.

"Vince will be back by tomorrow, body and mind."

Yazoo looked a bit faint and Loz a bit sick.

"There's going to be a demon in the house tonight?"

"Yep. Good boy, Galian." He petted the monster, who squirmed under his hand. "Let's get ya something ta eat. Ya must be hungry."

The Remnants pressed against the walls as the demon eagerly followed Cid into the kitchen, but it didn't bother with them. Its tail was wagging and it made a strange, happy panting sound and kept licking Cid's fingers. When they reached the kitchen it got up on its hind paws and put its huge head on Cid's shoulder, gently drooling all over his t-shirt.

The pilot found the huge steak but wagged his finger at the demon who followed his every motion - or at least the steaks motions - with a look of pure hunger.

"Now, eat properly, a'right. No rippin' and shreddin' and coverin' the kitchen with bloodstains again."

"Captain…" Kadaj said, feeling nauseous with fear as he peered into the kitchen. "It…he…it doesn't have any teeth for chewing. Only…only shredding."

"Well, he can make an effort, can't he?" Cid put the steak down on a plate and the plate on the floor. "There ya go!"

The demon tried to eat neatly, but like Kadaj said, it really didn't have the teeth for it, so it ended up swallowing huge pieces of flesh instead.

"Good boy." Cid put down a bowl of water. "We'll be in the livin' room once you're done."

_  
Loz, Yazoo and the cats disappeared up to their room with amazing speed, locking the door from the inside and, from the sound of it, pushing a few furniture in front of the door. Kadaj crept up in his favorite chair, eyes huge but damned if he'd run anywhere for anything less than Chaos as Galian lumbered into the room. The demon growled at him, but didn't push it as Kadaj stared back. Instead it huffed and crawled up with a small whine at Cid's feet. When the pilot leaned forward and scratched it behind it's ears, a long purple tongue rolled out and its hind leg started to pound rhythmically on the floor.

Kadaj shook his head.

"How do you do it, captain?" He asked intrigued.

"It's easy. Ya just have find that spot behind his ear…"

"No, I mean all of this." Kadaj waved his hands around. "Us, Vincent…the demons…"

"I don't get ya." Cid frowned. Galian had rolled over on his back now, undulating with delight as it got its belly scratched.

"Well…" Kadaj squirmed a bit, clearly uncomfortable but even more curious. "Your husband is the host of four demons, where one at least has tried to destroy the world. Me and my brothers…you adopted us despite everything we did. Everything we *are*. And yet you still love us. How can you do that?"

"I aint' the poster-boy fer perfect living either, Kadaj." Cid smiled wryly. "I smoke, I swear, I lose my temper. And, ya know, sometimes I drink too much."

"Yes, but those are all normal vices! You never tried to destroy the world!"

"Ya really think yer the only ones who's thought of that? Trust me, everyone does from time to time. When ShinRa shut down the Space Program…if I'd been able ta, I'd gone monkey shit on their asses as well. Only difference is, ya had the power ta try ta do it." Cid shrugged. "There's no difference. Ya've learned yer lesson. Everyone deserves a second chance. Only problem is dip-shits like Hojo tend ta get far too many."

"You really mean that, don't you?" Kadaj said softly.

"'Course I do. Now Galian and me are goin' fer a walk before bed time. Vince gets horribly embarrassed if he finds out he's soiled the carpets." He leaned over, and surprisingly gentle, placed a kiss on Kadaj's forehead. "G'd night, Kadaj. Everything's gonna be alright."

Kadaj watched them leave the house, a man and his huge dog-like demon.

"Yes, he said to himself, "I think it will."


	48. Vacation part I

"This was a wonderful idea," Reeve sighed happily as he looked out over the exotic little wutai-town. "I'm glad Rufus gave you leave to show me your home country."

"I'm delighted you like it." Tseng smiled back, sipping from a tea cup. How he could drink hot tea in this heat, Reeve didn't understand, but the Turk wasn't alone in doing so. The little tea house was crowded with locals and a few tourists, seeking shelter from the hot wutai summer sun and looking for refreshments. Reeve, raised in Midgard as he was, stuck to ice tea. "Here, I got you something." Tseng handed over a small present to his heat-wiltering lover.

Reeve laughed as he opened it and found a hand-held fan, delicately painted with a motif of clouds and mountains.

"Just what I needed. Thank you." He leaned over to give Tseng a kiss, but the Turk drew back, almost unnoticeable and Reeve checked himself in. *Oh right, I forgot. This isn't Midgard and people here still don't like gays.* He sighed a bit, but let it slide by, leaning back and fanning himself. He wasn't going to cause a fuss over this, annoying though it was not to be able to show any affection in public. The nights were not a problem, of course, even though they had to have separate rooms out of discretion. He was dating a Turk, after all. But though this sneaking around might be second nature to Tseng, it was a constant thorn in Reeve's side, a slight smudge on an otherwise perfect vacation.

Yes, he mused. This was just what they had needed, some peace and quiet together, away from the stress of Midgard, no worries or…

"Hello, Kitty-kitty!" Pale arms were suddenly thrown around Reeve's neck, almost choking him, as a husky voice purred in his ear. "Did you miss me?"

"Yazoo?" Reeve almost jumped out of his skin and Tseng was on his feet, reaching for his gun. "What are you doing in Wutai?" he stammered even as he tried to dislodge the arms, with little success.

"We're on vacation. Fancy meeting ya here." An amiable voice said from behind. "Yazoo, let go. If ya don't wanna cuddle the kittens at home, ya can't do it here."

With rather a fake pout Yazoo let go, sauntering over to Loz who was throwing death glares at Reeve. The looks he got in return from Tseng were not kinder.

Reeve spun around, trying to keep between Tseng and the Remnants and avoid a possible bloodbath, earning himself more than a few strange glances from the other customers at the tea house as he flapped around quite uselessly. Truth to be told it was difficult to imagine the four newcomers as potential world destroyers; in his garishly coloured shirt, sandals and with a camera around his neck, Cid couldn't have looked more like a tourist if he's worn a sign. Kadaj at the other hand was sulking underneath a wide-brimmed hat, his nose and ears burning red and smeared with sunblock. Loz looked like he'd raided an 'Hello Chicobo' store and only Yazoo managed to look as serene and cool as always.

"On vacation?" The Head of Turks said with dark suspicion, holstering his gun reluctantly. "And what prompted this idea?"

"If yer wondering, why didn't Reno report is, it's 'cause we didn't tell him." Cid snorted. "Left him snoring at home with a note taped ta his forehead to remind him ta feed the kittens."

Tseng rubbed his temples, were a vein had started throbbing dangerously.

"Um, what happened to you?" Reeve asked Kadaj, trying to break some of the tension but the youngest Sephling just glared at him.

"Told him ta take care in the sun with that pale skin, but some jest have ta lern the hard way." Cid put an affectionate arm around Kadaj and shook him, making the youngster squark with indignity. Reeve could see Tseng tense up at the rough but lovable behavior; the Head of Turks still believed, Reeve knew, that the Remnats were the same lethal and insane people that had once tortured him and convinced that they would start destroying the world at the slightest excuse.

Cid and Vincent at the other hand treated them like any other boys, and somehow they responded….exactly like boys.

Reeve was quite convinced the truth lay somewhere between those two opposite extremes and were at least glad the Sephlings weren't armed.

"But…why Wutai?"

"Vincent lost a bet a while ago and had ta pay for vacation fer us all. So we let his choose where he wanted ta go, and he wanted a cultural expedition ta Wutai." Cid shrugged. "So here we are. Been looking at temples and things all day and going ta the art museum and the hot springs now. And we're going home tamorrow," he glared at Tseng, "so ya know where ya have us."

"So, where is Vincent?" Tseng crossed his arms.

"Here," a testy voice said from behind as the tall dark haired man stepped forward, his hands full of ice cream cones. "I thought this vacation would give the boys some learning and culture, not a chance to buy cheap souvenirs and eat inhuman amounts of ice cream." He added as he handed them over.

"Aw, c'mon. Give the boys some treats, we're on vacation." Cid grinned as the Sephlings threw themselves over the ice cream.

"You are ruining me, Highwind." Vincent sighed, wiping his hands on some napkins and adjusting his vacation clothes – the same clothes he always wore. Some things obviously never changed, Reeve mused.

Cid put his arms around Vincent's waist, pulling him close for a surprise kiss that almost squished the gunman's ice cream between them.

A not very subtle whisper came from a local at the closest table and Vincent spun, throwing the ice cream with deadly precision. The man yelped as the sticky, frozen treat hit him straight between the eyes.

Tseng rose his eyebrows.

"I didn't know you knew wutainese," he said to Vincent who shrugged.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Turk."

"You almost killed him!" Kadaj jumped up and down with excitement, throwing hooded glances at Tseng. "Does that mean we can kill people to?"

"No. No killings, no destruction, no riling up the Turk." Cid rolled his eyes.

"It was just ice cream," Vincent sniffed. "You can't kill anyone with ice cream."

"Yeah you can," Loz shot in. "If you just freeze it enough."

"So, nice ta see ya and all." Cid wavered as he started herding his boisterous family down the street, Loz still throwing angry glances at Reeve and Yazoo still sniggering at the jealousy.

Reeve sighed exasperated and downed his ice tea.

"Let me guess. You want to follow them."

"I'm sorry, Reeve, but I can't let them just roam free. We need to keep them under surveillance at all times." Tseng gave him an apologetic glance. "I'll meet up with you later at the hotel. There are some nice little shops just of the main street if you want to go shopping…"

"Oh, no." Reeve cut in, giving his lover a stubborn glance. "I'm coming with you." *Someone has to make sure this doesn't end in complete disaster.*

TBC


	49. Vacation part II

Title: FB – Vacation part 2  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Lozoo, Renaj, Tseeve  
Rating: cute, some confusing discussions about nakedness  
Summary: Tseng and Reeve goes to Wutai on vacation. Unfortunately for them, the Valenwinds are already there…  
A/N: To :iconfunksockzlover: for being and all around awesome person! She wanted the Remnants and 'ice cream' :D

It wasn't hard to locate the rowdy family, quite apart from the stunned looks their beauty drew from people in the streets. There was also the fact that they didn't even try to hide their love but rather blatantly held hands or exchanged kisses that drew quite a few shocked stares. Or in some cases, giggles.

Tseng and Reeve caught up with them at the town's art museum, a huge building that sported Wutai's biggest collection of modern art. Keeping a discreet distance without getting them out of sight wasn't easy, but Tseng managed gallantly. Reeve was a bit more reluctant.

The museum was big, but the sound of Kadaj and Cid arguing heatedly over paintings could be heard long way, as could the rest of the families' bored sighs. Tseng rose an eyebrow.

"Cid is an art appreciator?" He mumbled to Reeve, who nodded.

"If he could afford it, he'd fill the HIghwind with the stuff. Apparently Kadaj's opinion…differs a bit."

"He's a brave man…"

"No, he isn't. Everyone knows Jeremine's work improved with age. Kadaj is just too young to appreciate it yet."

"That is not what I meant." Tseng said stiffly.

*I know. But that's what you have to realize about them. That they are *normal* now.*

Suddenly, he felt Tseng go rigid and his hand stray towards his gun again. Hurriedly, Reeve threw a glance over his shoulder.

Yazoo and Loz had decided to find some entertainment on their own and had snuggled up on a bench, kissing and laughing and whispering. It wasn't a very provoking make out and not something that anyone would have cared about in Midgard, but two guards were approaching them, looking very offended.

Reeve couldn't hear what the guards were saying, because the click of Tseng's gun was suddenly very loud. Cid and Kadaj had already moved to another room and Vincent were nowhere to be seen.

Loz stood up. He didn't actually do anything, except stand up, but somehow he managed to fill out all available space in the room, looming over the two guards like a mountain.

A mountain dressed from top to toe in Hello Chickobo clothes, but a mountain none the less.

The guards hesitated.

Loz took one step forward.

Suddenly, the guards remembered they had to be elsewhere. Both turned tails and ran.

Loz grinned after them, but sat down again, pulling his snickering Yazoo into his lap. Tseng gently eased the pistol back. Reeve started breathing.

*Well, for a given value of 'normal', at least…*

"You are overreacting." A voice said behind them.

Reeve jumped high and Tseng's gun was suddenly in his hand again. Vincent daintily licked a finger where ice cream had dripped down on it.

"Like I said, overreacting."

Tseng sighed and put his gun away. Reeve leaned on him and tried to calm his racing heart.

"I should have known you were stalking us," Tseng muttered.

"Yes, you should." Vincent nodded. "You seem to be losing some of your Turk paranoia. Maybe Reeve is good for you."

Reeve blushed, but Tseng was not distracted.

"I am – was - on vacation." He said icily. Vincent only shrugged.

"Um, more ice cream?" Reeve threw a glance at the treats in Vincent's hands. The gunman made a sour face.

"It's spoiling them, I know. I blame it all on Cid, but it's not as if it's harming them….although I fear to be around once the sugar rush starts to set in." He took a step past them. "Now, if you don't mind…"

Even with metal shoes, Vincent's steps were dangerously muted as he walked up to Loz and Yazoo.

Tseng made a face.

"Well, I suppose there's no reason to hide anymore." He turned to Reeve, face serious and concerned. "I don't know how they will react to me, but I'm going to hang on to their every step. If you want to go back to the hotel…."

"No." Reeve took his hand. "I'm staying with you."

Tseng squeezed his hand, but only for a second. Then he let go and turned his back on the guards watching them. Reeve cursed under his breath.

"A bathhouse?" Reeve looked up at the elegant building. "So these are the famous Wutai hot springs. I've wanted to visit one of these."

"I meant to take you here." Tseng mumbled. "But not in present company."

The extended Valenwind family wasn't listening, as Vincent was paying the fee and Cid was busy trying to keep the Sephlings in somewhat order. The ex-Turk had scowled at their presence but said nothing, while the Sephlings studiously ignored them. Cid was his usual cheerful self and had been swearing at them to leave his family alone at length until Vincent whispered something in his ear. Then he shut up, but there was a dangerous smugness to his smile.

The bathhouse was blessedly empty at this time of the day, but changing still proved something of a challenge. It started even before they got into the room, when one attendant walked up to Yazoo, a slight blush on his face.

"Excuse me," he stammered, "but are you a…man or a woman?"

"What a silly question, of course I am," Yazoo said serenely. "What else would I be?"

"I, well, but…" the poor man stammered even worse even as Loz and Kadaj started to giggle.

"He's…male," Reeve sighed, patting the distressed man on the shoulder.. "Although he sometimes have the brain of a chocobo. Come now, it's this way."

"We're just supposed to wear a towel around our waists?" Loz grumbled as the 'bathing clothes' were revealed. "It feels indecent! I'm naked underneath this!"

"You are always naked underneath your clothes," Yazoo pointed out as he wrapped his own towel neatly around himself. "Everyone is."

That made Loz pause in fiddling with the towel, thinking hard.

"Now you made me confused," he complained.

"What's the problem?" Cid shrugged, his towel hanging dangerously sloppy on his own hips. "Took us three weeks ta explain ta ya boys when it's decent ta be naked and not at home."

"Yes, but there's no Turks snooping around there." Loz threw a nasty glance at Tseng who was trying hard to remain calm even as he was forced to leave his gun behind.

"What about Reno?" Vincent asked, helping Cid to adjust his towel. The gunman was obviously very awkward in the near-nakedness himself, but in his case it had probably more to do with the myriad of scars that criss-crossed his lean body, the most apparent and scary being the huge Y that covered most of his chest as an eerie reminder that the gunman had, in fact, been practically dead once. The sight made Reeve shudder and turn away.

"He doesn't count," Loz pointed out to Vincent's comment. "He's Kadaj's. Who will make sure this one doesn't do anything bad?"

"He won't do anything. He's here to make sure *you* won't do anything bad." Vincent assured him.

"We? We won't do anything bad. Cid promised us more ice cream."

"Highwind…." Vincent sighed.

"What? We're on vacation, right?"

Finally undressed they walked down the hallway until it split in two, one leading to the common bathing area and the other to the private baths.

"Alright, see ya boys later." Cid waved at his 'sons' even as Vincent, crouching as best he could to hide in the shadows, pulled at his arm. "Be nice ta Reeve and don't do anythin' the Turk tells ya to."

"What – wait!" Tseng shouted after them as the couple made their way down towards the private baths. "Are you just going to leave them on their own?"

"Wasn't planning ta, but that was before ya two showed up as perfect babysitters." Cid grinned. "Have fun!" He shouted back before Vincent firmly shut a lacquered paper wall behind them.

"That son of a…." Tseng seethed, but Reeve tapped his shoulder.

"Tseng, we have other problems."

"Now what?"

"The Sephlings are gone."

TBC


	50. Vacation part 3

Tseng didn't like it one bit, but he had to send Reeve after Yazoo. The Remnants had split up the moment they entered the huge bathing area with its assortment of hot and cold tubs, showers, saunas, massage parlors and other entertainments their pale bodies melding frighteningly well with the steam that clothed the entire room.

Cursing the fact that there were only two of them, Tseng hurried after Kadaj. The Remnant leader might be the youngest but he was also the most dangerous by far and Tseng would never dare to send Reeve after him. Yazoo might try to seduce his lover, but probably wouldn't hurt him, and despite his pretence of vanity and shallowness, the long-haired Remnant was sly and cunning. There was no telling what he could get up to.

At the other hand, whatever Loz did, it was sure to be heard.

Tseng finally found Kadaj in a steam sauna, speaking sultry words in a cell phone and doing unmentionable things to himself. Fuming with anger, Tseng snapped the phone from the protesting youth.

"Why didn't you call me, Reno?!" He snarled into the phone, even as Kadaj was jumping around, angrily trying to retrieve it.

"Tseng?" Reno's husky voice was suddenly raised several octaves. "I did, I did! But when I finally got through, Kaddy was answering and well…"

Tseng took the phone from his ear and stared at it. It was indeed his phone.

"You've been making a long-distance call on *my phone*?!" He stared at Kadaj who might be blushing underneath the sunburn and his already flushed face.

"Ummm…"

"We'll talk about this later. Where are your brothers?"

"How should I know?!"

Snarling with anger, Tseng grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of the sauna, the protesting youth's wails of 'you are not my father' availing him nothing.

Reeve did know the Sephlings somewhat better than Tseng did, and he soon found Yazoo in the massage parlor, purring with delight as two giggling wutainese women were busy rubbing oil al over his perfect body. From the look of it, there had been quite a cat fight to decide who'd be the lucky masseurs. But it was still enough to make Reeve raise a brow.

"Women?" He asked confused, even as Yazoo lifted a slender shoulder in a delicate shrug that sent the two women into another giggle fit.

"Captain Highwind and Kadaj might like paintings, but I appreciate…other types of beauty." He yawned lazily and stretched – which made his towel rise dangerously high up on his thighs. The women's faces got dangerously red.

"You appreciate anyone who appreciate *you*, you mean," Reeve sighed. "Where is Loz?" He looked around, but the eldest clone was nowhere to be seen.

"How should I know? We're not joined at the hips, you know. At least," he smiled wickedly, "not all the time."

Reeve managed to pry Yazoo from his giggling fans long enough to meet up with Tseng and Kadaj. The Turk did not look happy, and come of his cool demeanor was starting to crack. Trying to sooth his love, Reeve offered to look after Kadaj and Yazoo whiles Tseng went in search for Loz, but Tseng shook his head.

"We'll stay here, in the pools. Just relaxing. They won't harm me, I promise."

"Thank you, but the truth is, I don't trust them with you. There is far too many ways of killing someone in here – silently and discreetly."

"Really, Tseng…" Reeve started, but Kadaj interrupted.

"Yes, *you* should know, shouldn't you, *Turk*." He said nastily. "In here you cold drown someone, or scald them to death, or perhaps strangle them with a towel…Just go away and leave us alone!"

"I'm not listening to you," Tseng said stiffly, "and I'm most certainly not taking orders from you. Now we'll go find your brother. It shouldn't be too difficult."

An hour later – although the nasty sniggers and wicked comments made it feel like *much* longer - they had searched through the baths five times and there still were no sign of Loz. A vein in Tseng's forehead had started to throb dangerously and Reeve was feeling dizzy from heat.

"This is worse than the torture." Tseng said through gritted teeth as Kadaj made another comment about Turks and stupid clones.

"Really?" Reeve wiped swaet from his brow. He could imagine what Cid and Vince would say if they found out one of their foster sons were lost.

"No." Tseng sighed. "But I'm starting to think I should raise Reno's salary."

"Yes, do." Kadaj nodded vigorously. "Because Reno promised he'd buy me a bunny suit of my own, since Yazoo's is too big for me and makes me look like a hare…"

"You shouldn't be using that!" Yazoo screeched. "It's mine!"

"Well, you shouldn't leave it lying around then!"

"In a locked drawer is *not* lying around, Kadaj!"

"It is if you are dating a Turk!"

"Shut up, both of you!" Tseng snarled.

"You are not our father!" both Sephlings howled in unison.

"Is that door open?" Reeve pointed.

Everyone calmed down a bit as Reeve tried to open a door with a sign and the wutai – text for 'authorized personnel only'. From inside came noise and steam.

Tseng blanched.

"He's in the engine room. If he re-sets the pressure, he might blow the whole town to pieces. We have to stop him!"

"Why would he want to do that? There wouldn't be any ice cream…" but Reeve's attempt to lighten the mood was ignored as Tseng hurried down the stairs.


	51. Vacation part 4

It was noisy and steamy down below the baths, pipes and tubes and filters everywhere, but no sign of neither personnel nor Remnant. The sound of pumps and hissing water drowned out pretty much everything else as the four males padded barefoot on the metal grin floor. Below was the vast caverns of bubbling, steaming water that once fed up the pipes and cooled was sent out into the baths. But down here it was a hell of sulfur-stink and hot air.

A shadow broke loose from the dark and came rushing against them; Reeve's heart made a hiccup before he realized it was just one of the workers. The man, terrified, clung to Tseng and shouted something in wutainese over the noise, pointing agitated. Tseng's eyes got wide, but he nodded, pushing the man away.

Reeve didn't like this one bit. Oh, he was no coward, but this place was one slippery misstep away from being boiled alive. He wished with all his hear that he could feel Tseng's arm around him, but he was hovering as close to his lover as he dared. The wutai worker was already giving them suspicious glances. Tseng gave him an apologetic glance. In his heart Reeve knew that the Turk wanted to comfort him as well; it was those damn taboos again…

He wasn't worried about Loz, though. As long as Kadaj and Yazoo was relaxed and curious as they were now, there was nothing bad happening to their eldest clone. It was pretty useful, he mused, to be able to use them as indicators for one another.  
At the other hand of course it meant that if one of them got angry, then things could escalate out of control in no time.

"Over there!" Tseng hissed and Reeve nodded. There were little mistaking the huge form, but…

"Oh no." Yazoo groaned. "What has he found this time?"

There was something Huge and hairy hanging over Loz's shoulder. Occasionally he patted it, as he moved around, studying the pipes and boilers with interest.

"Hey Loz!" Reeve shouted, just so Tseng wouldn't accidentally scare the enthralled Sephling. He was pretty sure that a frightened Loz was a bad Loz to be around.

"Oh, hi." Loz turned and waved. "Have you seen this? They've used a 3-K filter with added oxygen bubbles to reduce the amount of sulfur in the bathwater. It's real clever! I'd have used a 45 ml transmitter and electrocharges, but this is much better."

"Really?" Interested against his will, Reeve stepped up but Tseng grabbed his hand.

"That," he said pointing at the creature Loz was carrying around like an overgrown kitten," is a Bajang."

"Yeah, I heard some noise so I went down here." Loz beamed with pride and patted the monster. "Isn't it great? Do you think Cid and Vincent will let me keep it?"

"No! No more pets. They've said so already." Kadaj crossed his arms.

"It's a *monster*!" Tseng pointed at the Bajang which looked and horribly embarrassed. "It has razor sharp claws and spits fire!"

"That's alright, we're flameproof." Loz shrugged. "And maybe I can cut the claws?"

The monster whined with desperation.

"You shouldn't tell the Turk things like that, Loz." Kadaj gave him a stern look. "The less he knows about us, the better."

Tears sprung up in Loz's eyes.

"I'm sorry…."

"Don't cry, Loz." Dodging the swipe of a mortally sharp claw with as much concern as if it had been a kitten's paw, Yazoo hugged him. "I'm sure Cid will be *thrilled* when he sees our babysitters have gotten you a new pet." He gave Tseng an utterly insincere look under hooded eyes.

"No!" both Reeve and Tseng said at the same time, Reeve floundering for words even as Tseng added: "It needs to be…released to its natural habitat. I'm sure its family is missing it."

Yazoo pouted as he realized he'd lost the game, because Loz immediately started to walk toward an exit. Reeve could have sworn the monster gave them a pathetically grateful look.

"Clever," he mumbled to Tseng who nodded.

"I learn. Slowly, perhaps, but…I do learn."

They managed to pry the Sephlings away from the engine room but once back amongst the basins, the three youngsters scattered again, wooping with delight as they started to jump in the pools, splashing water and generally making a lot of noise.

Tseng wiped sweat from his brow and seemed to sag a bit.

"Don't they *ever* slow down?" He moaned."How do Cid and Vincent do this?"

"That's mako for you…" Reeve sighed and took pity on his lover. "Come here. I'll ive you a backrub. We can see them perfectly well from over here."

He led Tseng over to a bubble bath and coaxed him down into it. Tseng's back and neck was a mass of knots that Reeve knew for a fact hadn't been there this morning. Diligently he started to rub them out, making the most of the opportunity. Tseng waved an angry hand at the playing Remnants.

"But they are making a mess! This is supposed to be a place of relaxation and contemplation!"

"So? I didn't think you liked Wutai traditions?"

"Not *all * of them, but…mm…that feels really good. I mean, what I mean is, just because some traditions are faulty, doesn't mean they all are. Could you…go a bit lower? Ah, yes, just there…I've always *enjoyed* going to the bathhouse….you are really good at this, you know…"

"I'm sure I can make you enjoy it again." Reeve purred and leaned forward for a kiss, the sight of Tseng's toned, muscular chest getting him carried away.

Someone grabbed Reeve's arm, hard, and yanked him back so bad his head cracked against the tiles of the floor. He barely had time to get his feet beneath him before an angry red face was thrust at his, someone screaming incomprehensible words at him even as another guard showed up and they started to drag him towards the exit.

"I..wait, stop!" he tried, but he couldn't even get a firm footing on the slippery floor. "Look, I'm sorry, alright!"

Tseng was hurrying up of the bath, talking fast in Wutainese, but the guards ignored him.

Kadaj seemed to appear out of nowhere. Suddenly he was just there, a wickedly smiling pale face in front of the guards and a bar of soap in one hand. He dropped the bar, just under the guards foot.

The man slipped, loosing balance, and Kadaj barely bumped him with his shoulder to send him sprawling into a basing of icy cold water. The other guard turned around only to face Yazoo. Who was completely naked, his towel a pile on the floor. The guard blushed and stammered something, dropping Reeve who fell on the floor, and leaned down to get Yazoo the towel. Presenting his ass nicely for Loz's foot. The man fell head first into a mud bath.

"Reeve! Are you alright?" Tseng came running, helping a shaking Reeve up on his feet again.

"Yes I'm…I'm alright…" He managed, clinging to Tseng who held him tightly. "I guess I shouldn't have forgotten about that particular wutai tradition…"

"Fuck that," Tseng said with uncharacteristic profanity between gritted teeth. "That is one wutai tradition I'll be glad to break." He held him closer. "If anyone tries to harm you again, I'll let them know you have Turk with you." Leaning Reeve's face up, he kissed him, hard. "No matter what we do."

"That's better." Yazoo smiled and picked up his towel, wrapping it around himself with no particular hurry. "You need to treat kitty-kitty good. He's a really nice guy."

"He is," Loz affirmed. "Otherwise the kittens wouldn't have liked him."

"So be nice." Kadaj looked over his shoulder. "Oh, Cid and Vincent are back. I guess we should be going."

"I…thank you." Tseng lowered his head. "But this doesn't mean I've forgiven you."

"That is alright." Kadaj shrugged. "It doesn't mean we trust you either."

"Captain Highwind!" Tseng shouted. "Next time we meet…ice creams are on me. As much as they can eat."

"I'll hold ya ta that, Turk!" Cid waved as he started leading his sons away.

Tseng looked around at the bathing area, once more deserted as the guards hurried away, and ran his fingers through Reeve's hair, kissed him tenderly.

"I think I'll take their advice…for once." Tseng led Reeve back to the bubble bath. "After all, I think they might be in good hands, for now."


	52. All Man

Title: FB – All Man

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Valenwind, Renaj, Lozoo

Rating: may cause nightmares

Summary: Cid is all man, damn it!

Swearing loud enough to drown out the shower pounding down on him, Cid squeezed his shampoo bottle harder, but again nothing came out of it except air and a slightly rude sound.

"Just my damn luck," he sighed, tossing the bottle aside, grimacing to himself. He should have added it to the grocery list days ago, but it had just slipped his mind, replaced by the need for cat food and a new screwdriver. "Gods- damn Turk!" Growling, he turned off the shower and padded naked and dripping and shivering in the colder air over to the bathroom cabinet that held the Valenwind's hygiene articles,

There sure were a lot of them. In slight despair Cid stared at the cabinet, crammed full to the limits with bottles and jars, one looking weirder than the other.

"Fucking Reno," he muttered under his breath again - the Turk really had nothing to do with this particular dilemma, but cursing him always made Cid feel a little better. "Ya'd think," he said with some exasperation to a kitten that watched him curiously from behind a shredded roll of toilet paper, "that people who'd been subject ta Hojo would be wary of bright coloured liquids in tubes."

Going through the contents in a logical order, sorting out the shampoo from the shower gels, soaps, body scrubs, peeling masks, conditioners and Gods knew what else, Cid finally managed to sort out a manageable number of bottles.

Three of them turned out to be anti-flea powder for kittens. Scowling, he put them aside, making a mental note of having a talk to Loz. The cats were getting decisively spoiled rotten.

The next one was Vincent's, a damn expensive concoction specially made to help turning undead, knotty tresses into Vincent's long, smooth flowing expanse of hair. Feeling deliciously naughty, Cid inhaled deeply the scent of his lover, suddenly not so cold anymore. Much as he liked the scent, though, the shampoo was too expensive to be used on his short, blonde and usually very tame-able hair, especially since the mirror showed that he would need a lot of it. Wasn't his fault really. There had been a cat toy jammed in the circulator.

The next bottle made him sneeze several times – and startle the kitten to make a dive for safety behind the wash basin- before he could even read the label. Roses. Well, there was no question as to whom that belonged and Yazoo could keep it as far as Cid was concerned. Then there was another bottle with a spicy smell of vanilla – it was Loz's, of course. The two scents mingled in the small room, bringing back eerie reminders of his time with ShinRa and a certain general. Cid shook them off, not wanting to go there even in his mind.

He opened the last bottle with some trepidation.

Kadaj's shampoo smelled like a damn candy shop, heavy with cacao and brown sugar. Swearing, Cid closed it again and stared in despair at the bottles, like a man forced to play roulette with a gun fully loaded with bullets.

Slowly, half against his will, his eyes kept being drawn to one bottle.

Vincent was engrossed in his book, only noticing that Cid came down from the shower to make himself a cup of tea in the kitchen, but too occupied to reflect over the shocked silence that this simple, everyday action suddenly caused in the rowdy kitchen. The gunman barely looked up when his husband stepped into the room and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

"Hello, chief," Vincent mumbled glancing up. "Did you…." He dropped his jaw and almost his book. From the corner of his eye, he could see three astonished silver haired boys hanging out from the kitchen, staring in avid fascination at their foster-father.

"Before ya ask," Cid crossed his arms defensively, "my bathrobe's in the laundry. That's why I'm wearing yers. And ya was the one who wanted it dyed pink so Capey wouldn't eat it."

"That's not…" Vincent started, but was interrupted.

"And this was the only towel I could find. I think Yazoo is hiding the others, somewhere. Ain't my fault there's roses on it!" Cid huffed, eyes dangerously narrow.

"I wouldn't dream of commenting on it." Vincent mumbled. "But why…"

"The slippers? Loz can get 'em back once he teaches those damn kittens not ta pee in mine. I think he got these from Reeve." Cid wriggled his toes in the patterned fluffiness. "There's another man with an obsession for cats."

"Yes. But…"

"Was the only clean cup." Cid said defensively, sipping from a 'World's Pretties Ass' cup. "Still better than the other one that damn Turk gave ta Kadaj. Remember? Said 'Best Fuck on Gaia', fer cryin' out loud!"

"I recall you breaking it on Reno's head." Vincent mumbled, still staring at his husband. "But Cid…"

"Yeah?"

Vincent hesitated. Cid stared. The Sephlings held their breaths.

"….why do you smell like flea powder?" He finally managed.

"Because," Cid squared his shoulders and set his jaw, blue eyes bright with defiance. "Cid Highwind is a man. I'm gay, but I ain't no fruitcake, ya hear me? And a real man doesn't use shampoo that smells like fucking flowers and candy!"

Vincent looked carefully at his husband, from the strong, muscular calves appearing from kitten patterned fluffiness, up to the pink hem of the robe embroidered with a pattern of bats (it had been a gift from Auntie Gracie) hanging low on the short pilot but straining over his shoulders where the hideous snake tattoo was visible under embroidered, rolled up sleeves, the big hands holding a cig and a crude tea cup, and the flowery towel over his shoulder and said, choosing his words with extreme care:

"I don't think, chief, that anyone could ever mistake you for anything but a man."

"Damn right," Cid made a small salute to him and then scowled at the Sephlings who had fallen over one another in a helpless giggle fit. "Now, if ya excuse me, I'll go sit on the porch and drink my Gods-damned tea." He sauntered out, leaving Vincent in a state of mild shock and the Sephlings in a pile of giggles. A few seconds later, demon hearing revealed Reno stepping up on the porch.

"Yo, Highwind…holy fucking Hell!"

"Fuck you, Turk!"

The door burst open and the red-head came bolting in, white-faced with shock.

"Valentine, tell your Gods-damned queen of a husband to stop wearing drag in public!" He said, wild-eyed. "I think I've been traumatized for life!"


	53. Turtle

"A pet rock." Yazoo rapped a knuckle on it. "Well, it ought to be more quiet than the cats, at least."

"It's not just a rock!" Loz said offended. "See?" He held it up and it hissed at him. "There's someone living inside it."

"Hm. Like a snail in a house, you mean?" Kadaj snatched it away from his biggest brother and peered suspicously at it. "Where did you find this?"

"In the garden. It was eating lettuce." Loz retrieved his 'rock' and petted it.

"Really?" Kadaj shone up. "That means less vegetables for us! I like this pet already."

"What pet is it now?" Cid glanced in suspicously from the adjouring room. "Ya ain't found another cat, have ya?"

"No, it's just a rock." Yazoo flipped back his hair. "A lettuce eating rock."

"It's my hero!" Kadaj snatched the pet back. "You already have the kittens, Loz, I want this one."

"That's a turtle." Cid frowned at the newcomer. "Ya want a pet turtle, Kadaj?"

"Yes…look, it has legs!" He exclaimed delighted as the turtle had had quite enough fondling and decided to try make a run for freedom. It didn't go very fast, but the stubby legs plodded along steadily. "And a tiny head that eats green things!"

"It says here," Yazoo browsed his favorite book 'The joy of cooking everything', "that turtles are good food."

"You are not eating my pet!" Kadaj glared at him.

"Wasn't it my pet just a little while ago?" Loz scratched his head confused.

"It's not very cuddly." Cid watched the turtle drudge past him.

"I'll just glue some velvet on it." Kadaj ran ahead of the turtle and lay down in its path. The turtle hissed and drew back its head. "It's not as if it can stop me doing *anything*. It's just a slow, stupid veggy eater…"

The turtle's head shot out, faster than lightning, it's tiny jaws opening and snapping shut with frightening speed. Kadaj screamed in pain.

"My nose! My nose! get if oooooofff meeeee!"

This drabble might require an explanation….I wrote it on a dare (the dare was 'Sephlings and a turtle') but as it will turn out that turtle (renamed 'Fudge' as in 'that f*ing turtle') will have a great impact on their future lives.

Wow, the explanation is almost as long as the drabble, lol!


	54. Lazy

"Captain Highwind? Are you in here?" Carefully balancing the teacup, Loz stepped into Cid's cluttered workshop.

"Yeah, I'm here. Jest a minute." Inventive swearing came from underneath the old pickup. "The carbonator is down again. Can't get…the right angel…" More swearing, and the sound of metal hitting metal.

Putting down the teacup, Loz grabbed the pickup by the rear fender and slowly lifted it up.

"Is that better?" he asked.

"That's great! Now jest hold it fer a second…I mean, until I tell ya ta let it go." Cid did something nosily mechanical to the car and shuffled out, wiping his oily hands on a rag. "Alright, I'm done. Thank ya fer the help."

"No problem." Loz fidgeted a bit, looking nervous. "I brought you some tea. Captain….can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Cid sat down on a crate and gratefully drank the tea.

"It's…kind of personal."

"Yeah, well, I'll let ya know if I don't wanna answer. What is it?"

Loz paced nervously. Cid waited, curious as to what was up this time. He prayed it had nothing to do with the cats.

"Have you ever…I mean…you and Mr. Valentine…what I mean is…are you ever…on the bottom?" He blushed fiercely, refusing to look at Cid.

Cid lifted and eyebrow and shrugged.

"Of course."

"Really?" Loz stared, barely able to believe his ears.

"Sure. Why not?" Cid sipped his tea again. "Fer some reason, often when we've been ta art exhibitions…so, Yazoo is asking to be on top?"

"Yes." Loz sat down with a slump. "And I just don't know."

"Why not?" Cid frowned. "Does a relationship good ta try different things, ya know."

"Maybe, but…sex is all I am good at! It's the only time I don't need orders. It's the only time I'm…comfortable to be in control. I don't know if I want to lose that."

Cid nodded thoughtfully.

"I see yer point. Look, if ya really don't wanna, then don't. But if ya trust Yazoo, you should let him try. I guess ya jest have ta listen ta yer heart."

Loz frowned and stood quiet for a while.

"It just says *thump-thump*," he complained. "That's not very helpful."

Cid sighed.

"I mean, trust yer feelings. That's all anyone can do."

Cid was a bit intrigued when he came down to the kitchen the next morning. It was still morning and the kitchen was empty except for Yazoo who sat reading a paper and drinking coffee. The middle Sephling looked as serene and calm as always.

"So, Loz told me about yer little dilemma." Cid couldn't help himself as he sat down opposite Yazoo. "Ya two work it out?"

"Oh yes." Yazoo sipped coffee and nodded. "It took some persuasion, but he finally caved in. He usually does, even though he was surprisingly stubborn this time. I guess he really likes to top."

"Oh yeah? So how'd ya like it?" It really wasn't any of his business, Cid knew, but Yazoo didn't seem to mind answering. A delicate frown marred his forehead and he pouted.

"Too much work. *Far* too much work!" He shook his head, making the fine hair fly. "I can't understand why he likes it so much."

Cid could only stare.

"Wait, ya don't like topping 'cause yer *lazy*?!"

"I'm not lazy." Yazoo said offended, putting down his paper. "But why go through all that trouble when I don't have to?" He drank the last of his coffee and put down the cup. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go upstairs…and be lazy for a while." He winked cheekily and sauntered away, leaving a bewildered pilot behind. Try as he might, Cid couldn't stop the question pressing on his mind.

"I wonder if Sephiroth was lazy…."

Another explanation due…Cid started loving fine arts in the 'Arty-farty' fic, which is a stand alone fic :)


	55. Intruder

Summary: I've always pictured the Remnants  
as very territorial

They had been under surveillance for some time now. Kadaj knew it, had seen the tracks, the tell-tale signs, felt the  
*presence* of an intruder around the house. He'd tried to tell the others,  
repeatedly, but Loz and Yazoo were too occupied with their new past time of  
screwing each other's brains out, and their foster parents didn't seem to grasp  
the seriousness of the situation.

"Don't be ridiculous," Cid had snorted over his tea. "Ain't no one trespassing or spying here."

"You are just being paranoid," Vincent shrugged behind his coffee.

Right. If they weren't going to believe him – which was odd, because the intruder *did* leave a  
lot of visible clues - then he would handle this himself. Even with Souba confiscated, it wasn't as if he was helpless.

The intruder came in the early morning hours before anyone was really awake, so Kadaj had sneaked out of  
bed, padding soundlessly on naked feet through the house and out into the misty, cold morning. He didn't mind the chill, but he didn't like being awake this early either. But to protect his family he would do *anything*. Some minor and temporary discomfort was nothing to someone who's grown up in a lab ruled by a mad scientist and then been killed by his own big brother.

He waited patiently until he heard the car driving up towards the edge of the house lot. Crouching, his every muscle ready to spring into action, he heard the intruder stop the car, the rustling sound of paper, and then a metallic sound.

Kadaj leaped forward, murderous intent in every motion.

He got a quick glance at a terrified, average looking guy in a yellow car, something written on the side of it before something grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and yanked him back. The car sped away so fast the gravel flew around it.

"You let him get away!" Writhing in the grip, Kadaj glared at Vincent who effortlessly held him up in his metal claw. "That was the  
intruder!"

"Kadaj…." Vincent sighed. "Will you please stop trying to kill the mailman?"


	56. ShinRa part 1

Warning: Character death, violence, rape, dungeons, evil!Sephiroth  
Summary: The Remnants and ShinRa comes to their final face down and Reno gets caught in the middle.  
A/N: In this series, Reno will be angry, Cid will be angry, Rufus will be angry, Yazoo will be angry,  
Vincent will be angry, Elena will be angry, Sephiroth will be angry, Kadaj will be angry and Loz will be pissed like you wouldn't believe it. I have a talent for infuriating characters, apparently ^^;

"Yeah, right….no, I understand…of course ya have ta choose the cheapest transport…yeah, ya to." Cid hung up the phone with a bit more force than strictly required and swore so vehemently it made Kadaj look up from his work on the ledgers and almost made Yazoo drop the spaghetti in the sink.  
Vincent sighed.

"Another customer to abandon us?" he fiddled listlessly with the stack of unpaid bills on the table.

"Yeah." Too upset to bother about the usual 'no smoking indoors' restriction, Cid lit a cig and pulled deeply. "That's about all our pre-booked jobs this month. And next ain't looking too bright either. Fuck ShinRa! What the Hell is Rufus doin'?"

"Maybe he's simply looking for another lucrative market? He is a businessman, after all." Vincent shoved the offending pile of red notes under the table and watched with some satisfaction as the half-grown kittens eagerly tore them to shreds.

"Impossible. With the low rates he's takin' for transporting goods, he's losing money on his airships quickly." Cid shook his head. "He's doing this ta push us out of business. A few more months like this and we'll all be flippin' burgers at KFC."

"No! There must be something we can do!" Kadaj looked up aghast. "I'm not going back there!"

"Why would Rufus do this?" Vincent mused. "He hasn't bothered us before."

"Petty vengeance, perhaps?" Yazoo snorted and shook back his hair to avoid getting it in the food. "He promised not to go after us, but no one said anything about the business."

"Doesn't sound quite like Rufus." Vincent frowned. "There's something more sinister behind all of this, I'm sure."

"Hey, Kaddy, Yazzie!" The door suddenly opened and a beaming Loz stepped in, holding a stack of reminder notes for bills in one hand,  
but waving something else in the other. "We got a letter! We never get mail!"

"Really? Let me see!" Kadaj snatched the letter from him and tore it open. His sudden joy died just as quick as it had risen. "It's from Rufus.  
It's an invitation. For job interviews. For the three of us."

Loz's face darkened and Yazoo crossed his arms with a snort.

"Barely a coincidence." He mumbled.

"Well, yer not goin'." Cid took the letter and crumbled it up in his fist, throwing it to the floor, much to the kittens' delight. "We ain't in that much of a fix yet." He added stubbornly, refusing to look at the pile of bills.

"Actually, we are." Kadaj glared at the ledger.

"We could go and hear him out." Yazoo picked up his dominant brother's distress. "It can't hurt."

"What could he possibly do?" Loz added, going along with his brothers as usually.

"Apart from trying to kill you, lock you up, or torture you?" Vincent gave them a no-nonsense look. "You are not going, understand?"

The Sephlings exchanged a look and Kadaj sighed.

"Alright, then."

It was extremely uncomfortable to enter the huge ShinRa building once more, and the Remnants kept close together, trying to ignore the glances of fear, outrage and outright hatred aimed their way. The last time they'd been here they'd left the Science Department in a mess and its prime professor slowly digesting in their bellies but this time they weren't here to fight and kill. This time they came because they'd been called, and  
somehow that made all the difference. In various stages of testiness and nervousness they walked into the plush waiting room.

"Took ya long enough," Cid grumbled from his seat in the couch. "I haven't had a cig all morning, waitin' fer ya."

"Do you want some coffee? It's pretty decent and you must have been driving all night." Vincent waved at a coffee machine at the other end. "There are sandwiches as well. Rufus' secretary brought them."

The Remnants almost dropped their jaws.

"How did you…" Kadaj started even as Loz angled away for the food.

"How did we know or how did we beat ya here?" Cid grinned a bit proudly. "Ya might be fast on those bikes, but the Tiny Bronco is still faster."

"And you are pretty predictable, sometimes." Vincent sipped his coffee. "It is very kind and noble of you to come here, trying to save our business. We know what this place has done to you. And we do appreciate it."

"And yer grounded fer a month." Cid added cheerfully.

"How did you manage to get around your promise not to come here anyway?" Vincent asked curious.

"You said we couldn't 'go' here," Yazoo mumbled, still at bit off guard. "Well, we didn't walk. We drove. Promise kept."

"Sneaky little buggers," Cid grunted. "Alright, let's go see what ShinRa wants."

Rufus' office was big and airy, with smooth furniture and huge windows to let in Midgard's grey morning light. The president himself was as smooth and immaculate as always, with his with designer suit and carefully tended hair he looked composed and calm as the five members of the  
Valenwind family walked in, frowning and casting paranoid glances at all directions. Rufus' apparently easy mood was however not shared by the two Turks flanking him; Tseng looked like a storm cloud of barely contained hatred and Elena was fingering her gun as if she longed to use it.

But Rufus just smiled and cocked an eyebrow.

"I should have realized that you wouldn't let your…boys…come alone." He said a bit amused. "I apologize for the lack of chairs." He nodded at the three comfy armchairs opposite his desk.

"Just spit it." Cid growled as he flopped in the nearest chair. "We don't wanna hang around here longer than we have ta."

Vincent didn't say a word as he took the middle chair, but he was radiating a tightly contained lethal danger that indicated the demons were awake and ready to burst out any second. Kadaj took the chair furthest away, glaring at the Turks and the president, his brothers flanking him like an inverted image of Rufus and the Turks.

"Where's Reno?" He asked.

"It's his day off. I take it you know why I wanted to talk to you?" Rufus, at least, didn't beat around the bush.

"You've driven us out of our jobs and now you expect us to come crawling up to you." Vincent didn't sound very happy.

"It's not quite that simple." Rufus sighed and for a moment the mask fell; he looked stressed and harassed, the face of someone on the verge of losing control. "You see, I *need* you. ShinRa needs you. Rather desperately. I swear, I wouldn't have messed with your business otherwise, and trust me, I've thought this over carefully." He threw a hooded glance at Tseng. "And been repeatedly advised not to go through with it. I want  
you to come and work for me, like I said." He kept his eyes on Kadaj now.

"Why?" Kadaj didn't blink and didn't look away.

"ShinRa isn't what it used to be. We lost a lot of good people in the...incidents, these last years. We're vulnerable in a way we've never been before, and our enemies are not unaware of this. They're crowding in on us like vultures around a wounded predator." He gave half a smile. "I'm sorry if the idea hurts your ego, but we do have other enemies than you. Business on this level is risky."

"Hmf. What kind of job?" Kadaj crossed his arms over his chest. He might have come here voluntarily, but he wasn't about to grovel.

"I've got a perfect job for you, Loz." Rufus turned to the eldest brother. "How would you like to become my personal body guard? I think it would suit you very well."

"Of all the *personal* things we'd like to do to your body, ShinRa, I don't think guarding it is one of them." Kadaj snorted and his brothers snickered; Cid grinned, but Vincent stayed serious. "And Yazoo?"

Rufus eyes grew a shade colder.

"I was thinking a secretary – no, wait, hear me out." Rufus raised a hand as Yazoo started to sputter. "I'm not underestimating you. You'll  
be a secretary in name only. Of the three of you, you have the advantage of innocent looks. In effect, you'd be my ace in the sleeve for when situations…get rough. And," Rufus smile was probably meant to be seductive but ended up somewhere around lewd, "perhaps you could help me out in other rough situations as well?"

"Oh, I have a real fetish for blondes." Yazoo smiled back. "Ask Cloud."

"Really?"

"Yes. I get off on shooting them." The innocent smiled turned very nasty.

"Hey!" Cid protested.

"You are blonde, captain," Yazoo waved away the protest, "You are not *a* blonde."

By now Rufus weren't looking happy at all. Kadaj was smiling with glee. Rufus turned to him, looking him up and down as if contemplating. Finally he  
said: "For you…the Turks." Rufus threw a glance at Tseng from the corner of his eyes. "Even though I've been repeatedly advised on what a bad idea this would be, I still think it would suit you admirably. I can pair you off with Reno, even." He smiled.

Kadaj's eyes got huge.

"Are you crazy?" He spluttered with true shock. "I could never work with Reno! He's insane!"

"I thought you…liked him?"Rufus looked equally bewildered.

"I love him! But he's still crazy. I don't know how Rude does it, but I don't want to work with him."

Rufus put his fingers together and looked at the three Remnants.

"Then may I ask why you even bothered to show up here?" He said acidly. "If all you were going to do was insult me, threaten me and turn down all my offers?"

"Simple." Kadaj rose up, and Tseng and Elena immediately tensed. "We came to warn you." Green eyes flashed with threat. "You will stop messing up our family's business. You will back out of our lives again."

Rufus' eyes flashed.

"Or else?" He said with deceptive mildness.

Kadaj smiled.

"Boom." He answered.

They were thrown out of the ShinRa building with no uncertainties, Cid chuckling all the way.

"Boom." He kept repeating. "Ah, the look on Rufus' face! Boom!"

"Calm down chief," Vincent snapped as the snickering family picked themselves up from the sidewalk. "Kadaj, that was….well, it was pretty funny, I guess, but it was also reckless and immature and very, very unnecessary. Rufus is not going to respond well to threats. He never does."

Kadaj shrugged and pouted.

"He shouldn't meddle. And what can he possibly do more?"

"Those are famous last words, and you know it." Vincent sighed. "I suppose it's too late to do anything about it now. Let's go home."

"Can I go visit Reno?" Kadaj batted his eyes, bring up all his considerable charm. "I haven't seen him in weeks, and he had a day off…"

"Sure, go ahead." Cid said, still amused by the memory of Rufus' shocked face. "Jest call us before you start drivin' home, alright. Don't want  
anythin' ta happen ta ya."

"Thank you!" With one last wave the Sephling hurried to his bike and drove off.

TBC


	57. Shinra part II

Title: FB – Shinra part 2  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: Valenwind, Lozoo, Renaj  
Rating: rather dark  
Warning: Character death, violence, rape, dungeons, evil!Sephiroth  
Summary: The Remnants and ShinRa comes to their final face down and Reno gets caught in the middle.  
A/N: In this series, Reno will be angry, Cid will be angry, Rufus will be angry, Yazoo will be angry, Vincent will be angry, Elena will be angry, Sephiroth will be angry, Kadaj will be angry and Loz will be pissed like you wouldn't believe it. I have a talent for infuriating characters, apparently ^^;

The phone rang. Reno glared at the unknown number but picked it up.

"Yo?" He didn't have time for any shit, he was on a stakeout and things could get nasty any time. Don Corneo was putting forwards towards ShinRa interest lately and it was all Rufus could do to stay one step ahead. It was annoying as Hell, but the truth was, ShinRa was weak after the incidents with Jenova's head. And jackals always crowded around a wounded predator.

"…Reno?" A small, tight voice said in the other end of the line.

"Kaddy?" Reno sat up straighter, getting an annoyed glance from Rude but ignoring it. If he hadn't known better he'd say that his lover sounded….frightened. "What's wrong?"

"I don't…I don't know." Kadaj sounded on the verge of hysteria. "You have to come and pick me up."

"But I…" He cast a glance at Rude's frown, but Kadaj's uncharacteristic behavior was getting to him. "Fuck it! Yeah, yeah, of course I will. Where are you?"

"I don't know!" Kadaj's voice broke and it was only the considerable strength of his will that stopped him from sobbing. "I don't know where I am, I don't know how I got here….I don't' know what I did! Please, Reno, you have to come and get me!"

Cold dread swept over Reno and his hands started to shake. Suddenly the don and his cronies were the least of his problems. Or ShinRa's. Or the world's, for that matter.

"What you mean, you don't know what you did? Kaddy, where the Hell are you?!"

"In a warehouse. By the docks. A…a big red building. Third floor. I don't…I can't go outside!"

"Alright, alright, stay calm, alright." Reno was feeling anything but calm. "I'll get you, I'm on my way. Just stay calm!"

"Reno…" Kadaj's voice was so small and frightened.

"What? What is it, kitten?" Reno almost held his breath.

"What day is it today?"

"What?"

"Please!"

"Yeah, sure, it's Thursday. The third."

A strangled sound came from the phone, almost a sob. Then Kadaj hung up.

"Shit!" Reno kicked down his legs and started to punch a new number. "We need to get to the docks quick as hell, partner."

"What's happening?" Rude didn't argue but threw the car into gear and slammed his foot on the gas pedal.

"I don't know. But something's up with Kaddy and that can't be good." He lifted the phone. "Highwind? Where the Hell is Kadaj? What you mean? He went to see me? Three days ago? Well he never fucking made it, alright! Get those brothers of his and get your asses over to Midgard docks as quickly as you can!"

He hung up before Cid started to swear in fright and called up Tseng, telling him that they had to abandon the mission. It wasn't a problem, of course. Standing ShinRa orders was that anything concerning the Remnants got precedence over anything else.  
Which right now made Reno wonder if Rufus had expected something like this all along.

Reno was out the car before Rude had even stopped it and he ran flat out for the huge warehouse, kicking down the door and running upstairs.

"Kaddy? Kaddy, where the Hell are you?!" He screamed as he reached the third floor. "Where – shit!"

He stopped as he saw the slight, pale figure crawled up in a dusty corner, rocking from side to side with his arms thrown around him, naked and shivering with flaking dried blood covered his hands and chest. For a second, Reno's heart seemed to stop.

"Kaddy?" Reno approached carefully, utterly relieved when clear, tearful green eyes turned towards him.

"I don't know what happened." Kadaj whispered. "I don't know how I ended up here. I've been gone for days! And I don't know…what I've done."

"Kaddy…the blood?" Reno didn't see any weapon or clothing, nothing but the cell phone on the dirty floor. He swept the huge, empty room but saw no signs of anyone else there. Sinking down to his knees he grabbed on to the Remnant as careful as he could, Kadaj clinging hard to him.

"Not mine." He whispered against Reno's chest. "I don't know whose it is." He winced a bit as Reno tightened his grip, finally able to let his gentleness go and dare to let the fear show. "Reno I…"

"Hush, kitten, don't say it." Reno closed his eyes, feeling his own tears welling up, stroking the soft, unsoiled silver hair over and over. But Kadaj pressed on.

"…I think I might have turned… into *him*?" He whispered, cold fear stealing his voice.

"You didn't." Reno feverently tried to assure him. "Look, listen to me, alright?" He took Kadaj's chin in his hand, gently tilting it up, trying to convey a surety he didn't feel. "You are Kadaj. You are *mine*, alright? You are not….him."

Kadaj looked like he wanted to say something, but the sound of heavy boots interrupted him. They both tensed as coils and looked up warily, but it was just Rude, shaking his bald head although glancing at the blood covering the naked Remnant.

"The place is empty. Can't find traces that the other levels have been used in months."

"Fucking great." Reno growled but gratefully snatched a clean handkerchief from his partner and tried to clean of the Remnant. But there were just too much blood; the cloth got soaked through with clotting blood in seconds. "C'mon, Kaddy, let's get out of here."

"No!" Almost panicking, Kadaj clung to him. "Don't leave me! I want my family!"

"Hush, hush. I ain't leaving you, I swear." Reno winced as the struggling Remnant held on to him. "Your brothers will be here any minute…."

Something huge and silvery rushed past Reno, throwing him aside and catching Kadaj in a bear hug that looked like it threatened to snap the lean Sephling's spine. Seconds later Yazoo ran up, catching them both in his slim arms. Kadaj shivered and held on to them, Yazoo mumbled and stroke the bloody body and Loz crying as if he was the only emotional outlet the three of them had.

"What the fuck's happened here?!" Cid and Vincent hurried over to their three foster sons, glaring at the Turks.

"Hey, he's my boyfriend, piss off!" Reno grumbled and tried to dislodge the two elder Remnants from Kadaj, who was more or less buried in pale arms and silver hair, ugly jealousy rising within him.

"The blood isn't mine." Kadaj said from the midst. His voice still sounded tiny. "I don't know whose it is. I…woke up here. I can't remember anything for almost a week! Not since we left ShinRa."

Loz and Yazoo tensed, their faces going pale with dread as they realized what Kadaj might mean. Cid swore quietly and Vincent scowled. For a second, fear paralyzed them all. Then Cid stepped forward.

"Don't worry," the pilot said firmly as he joined the group hug, tanned arms drawing all three pale boys into his protective embrace, effectively dispersing the tense fear. "We'll sort this out. Don't ya worry." Vincent added a more awkward and short, but no less warm, hug of his own, before all of them let go and Reno could sweep up the small Remnant in his arms. "C'mon, we're taking ya home. Ya look exhausted."

"We didn't sense anything strange." Yazoo mumbled as he and Loz hovered nervously around Reno as if the Turk would drop their beloved brother. "But we weren't paying attention."

"But we would have sensed if you turned into, you know." Loz said awkwardly. "We would, right?"

Kadaj didn't answer, but buried his face against Reno's chest.

Yazoo and Loz insisted on sleeping in the same bed as their brother even though the Sephlings' sleeping issues had gotten a lot better lately. Kadaj didn't protest, so Reno sighed and agreed on it with the added term that they stay on their side of the bed and no fucking wandering hands. Not that anyone was in a mood for something like that. Kadaj was indeed exhausted and soon fell asleep on the Turk's chest, clinging to him hard. On the other end of the bed, Loz spooned up behind Yazoo so they could both face Kadaj and they fell asleep as if Kadaj exhaustion was something shared by all of them.  
Reno, however, laid awake, stroking his lover's hair and trying to keep his dread at bay. What had happened to Kadaj? He'd helped the Remnant clean off the blood in the shower, but the pale body had been without any mark, not even a bruise marring it. Had Kadaj killed? Who had he killed, and why? Killings as such didn't much bother Reno, but there had to be a reason behind, or it was just…insanity. Why couldn't Kadaj remember? And at the core of all his fears, the question that his mind darted around as if it was too hot to touch: did this mean that Sephiroth was still around, somewhere out in the Lifestream, ready to take over his clone once more?

"I ain't letting him have you, Kaddy." He mumbled, clutching the Sephling closer. "Never again."

Reno awoke with a startle, a heavy body pinning him down on the bed. Blinking, he looked into familiar green eyes, but even though the eyes were familiar something was horribly, horribly *wrong*. The glance in those mako-green cat eyes were old and cruel, mischief turned into violence, vanity into megalomania, self assurance into superiority.

"Hello Reno," Sephiroth smirked, his face only inches from Reno's.

Reno panicked, thrashing to get away, but he was easily held down by the First Class Soldier. Being a Turk he might have outsmarted the General, but not like this, taken completely by surprise and already caught. A body stronger than Loz's, more beautiful than Yazoo's and far brighter than Kadaj's pressed against his.

"Hm. Pretty and feisty. I guess my little clone had some taste. But why shouldn't he? He was just a pale copy of me after all." A wet tongue slid along Reno's cheek.

"Get off me you fucker!" Reno screamed and lashed out with knees and elbows, putting all of his sinewy, often underestimated strength into it.

"Get off me you fucker!" The scream echoed through the room and Reno awoke to hear it ringing in his own ears even as he kicked the lithe body away.

Kadaj gasped with pain as feet and bony elbows sank into his flesh but it was the bottomless hurt in his eyes that cut Reno to the core even as the Remnant rolled away from him. Slender and strong arms grabbed for Kadaj, pulling him once more into a harsh embrace even as the almost still sleeping Yazoo curled around him to protect him with his own body and Loz clutched onto them both, the look in his eyes a visual equivalent of a dog's growl. Huddled together in an instinctive pile of pale silver, Reno's muddled brain realized that they must have done this before, hundreds of times probably, in the labs.

"Shit, Kaddy, I'm sorry, I had a nightmare, that's all!" He reached for Kadaj but Loz caught his wrist so hard it almost snapped; the bones grounded against one another. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Reno hissed. "It was a mistake, alright? It's not as if you guys never have nightmares."

"You are afraid of me." Kadaj's voice sounded tired and endlessly hurt.

Reno stared down at him, realizing that what he said now could destroy Kadaj and all they'd worked so hard for forever. Slowly, he shook his head.

"I ain't afraid of you, Kaddy. You know that. But yeah, I'm afraid of Sephiroth. I'd be insane if I wasn't."

Kadaj looked up at him, green eyes meeting blue and none looking away. Then he nodded, slowly. Yazoo started to uncurl around him and Loz let go of Reno's arm. The harsh tension in the room started to slowly let go.

"I'm afraid to." Kadaj confessed, letting himself be held in Reno's arms once more. "I'm afraid of him."

Reno didn't know what to answer to that.

TBC


End file.
